Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[SallyG]

Dear Ladies,
just a big thank you for the responses I have been getting on this blog. I do have to work. My OH works abroad so we have to run two homes. I have found the responsibility of that crushing whilst Ive been ill and signed off. He phoned from florence yesterday and I was upset and stressed about work and my boss. I know he then worries and then I feel guilty. I don't know whether I am just incredibly delusional but I did expect my boss to be a bit more understanding about my phase-in. Occ health are telling me to look after myself and I am trying to do that.Its tricky to say the least trying to negotiate the demands of the workplace with this illness/condition and with depression thrown in.  :'(I went to something called 'resilience training'. And the guy was very good but was telling me things like "you can go and talk to HR confidentially whenever you want". So naively I called the HR rep for my department and it is not the case at all. People just seem to be crashing around, and giving out woolly advice. That's why HR stuff has to be so clear and boundaried I guess. I find it interesting but scary at the same time.
I have received a lot of support from every direction and so I should be grateful. But I also think its a tough time for us women who are not in the "sailing through" gang. The world of the workplace seems to be divided up into the women that sail through and the women who don't…………
Hugs and dare I say it love to all of you
Sallyxxxx

[Spangles]

Hi Sally
It's good to hear you are back at work, take it steady.
As for the 'sailing through' gang, well they just make me cross because they are the ones that have the 'pull yourself together' attitude and genuinely don't have a clue what us sufferers do go through, and then they have the nerve to say 'it's ok, I understand'. I don't think they are the real women, we are because we are the ones living through this awful time in our lives.
Good luck with work SallyG.
Shellb
xXx

[SallyG]

Dear Shelb, thanks for your response.

xxx

[toffeecushion]

I wish you well and hope it gets easier for you.  I am struggling at work at the moment and have been for a while.  It's not easy is it.

Hope you have a good day.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Hi Sally

I know just how you feel. I am struggling at work right now, and finding it so hard to be bright and cheerful in front of clients and other members of staff.

As for the 'sailing through gang' well, take their opinions with a pinch of salt. My mother in law insists that she 'sailed through' the menopause. But she also insists that her and my father in law have a happy marriage (even though he spends all his time away from her doing his hobby) and she also insists that my sister in law isn't 'really' gay, even though she has been happily living with her female partner for 3 years 

And even if they're genuinely 'sailing through' (lucky bloody them) but for them to act so cavalier and thoughtlessly in the face of someone who is clearly really struggling makes them rather unpleasant, insensitive twats. Well, that's my opinion anyway 

Just remember that one day you will recover from this peri nightmare, but they're unlikely to recover from being thoughtless idiots. Poor them, I say. 

[GeordieGirl]

she also insists that my sister in law isn't 'really' gay, even though she has been happily living with her female partner for 3 years 

This tickled me - hopefully your sister-in-law has the sense not to be bothered by it 

And even if they're genuinely 'sailing through' (lucky bloody them) but for them to act so cavalier and thoughtlessly in the face of someone who is clearly really struggling makes them rather unpleasant, insensitive twats. Well, that's my opinion anyway 

Just remember that one day you will recover from this peri nightmare, but they're unlikely to recover from being thoughtless idiots. Poor them, I say.

I'm quite heartened by those who say they sail through it - it's a kind of proof that it can all be well again, and we're not condemned to being some shrivelled up shadows of our former selves, we just need a little help from a few cheeky little hormones and we'll be on that path with them 

GG x

[GypsyRoseLee]

Glad I made you smile GG

My MIL thinks this is just 'a silly phase' her daughter is going through, and that she will grow out of it eventually. My SIL is well into her 30s, so I think it's highly unlikely 

My SIL isn't remotely bothered she knows her Mum is a bit daft but basically good hearted.

[SallyG]

Many thanks for your responds. I was beginning to feel like billy no mates yesterday but not today!!
Yes i am back at work but still feel weird and hormone y. It really is a weird time. It feels like stress. But its hormones. I guess thats why people share about anxiety so much because the symptoms present as depression and anxiety - as has been proven by the top gynaecologist researcher in the world John Studd. Bloody annoying really.

Your messages cheered me up at work.

Best wishes
Sally

[GypsyRoseLee]

I would give anything for my symptoms to present as the classic hot flushes and dry hair and headaches. I really would.

But instead mine present as random depression and anxiety too. I tried talking about it to a colleague at work yesterday but as soon as I mentioned the anxiety and depression I could see the shutters go down in her face. Apparently she never experienced anything like that, and neither did any of her friends either. They just had a few hot flushes and that was that. With the inference that I am just anxious and depressed for some other reason.

[SallyG]

Dear Gypsy Rose Lee. Yes I know its ridiculous isn't it. Also I was quite taken aback by someone withdrawing from this forum because of all of the talk about anxiety. Its one of the most common symptoms and we who have to work have to cope with being ill at work and not really allowed to disclose it for fear of being judged or worse complained about, so I feel I have been judged on this forum for it. But I am unrepentant. If I can moan on this site, where can I moan?

SallyGxxxx

[GypsyRoseLee]

How bizarre. It's one of the most common symptoms of the menopause, isn't it?

There's so many women on here who suffer with hot flushes. I have never had one, but I wouldn't think to withdraw from MM just because I couldn't identify with how a hot flush makes you feel. What makes us human is our ability to empathise with things we have no personal experience of, surely?

Telling someone with hormonal anxiety to 'get a grip' or whatever is cruel and ridiculous. Would the same person tell someone with diabetes to 'get a grip'. We have no more control over our hormones, than a diabetic has control over their own insulin.

[MrsMopp]

Hi SallyG

pleased to hear you're feeling better now.  Your boss sounds a winner, not.

Because I have always suffered from anxiety I find it difficult to determine whether the Menopause has made it any worse. I did virtually escape from the hot flushes because I am on citalopram so I had nothing dreadful as some people suffer.  I wouldnt crow about it though.  I have a friend who had awful night sweats and hot flushes at work and she works full time.  Makes me feel very feeble.  My problem is extreme tiredness. I just dont seem to have the energy that others have.  I work part time but even that is hard sometimes.  I have had an underactive thyroid for over 20 years but take medication which supposedly deals with that.

I admire you Sally for returning to work and coping under very difficult circumstances.

[Melly]

SallyG,

These postings about anxiety, being at work, such a tonic.  As am at work today, fighting off a anxiety attack.  Since peri has started my anxiety is ridiculous - trying to manage and carry on as normal so no one suspects anything, at work at least.  Reading about other women's experiences is so helpful.  To know you are not the only one going thru it when it seems everyone around you is carrying on right as rain.  I can only take it one day at a time.  Keep persevering all!

[Greenfields]

Sally you are doing so well - just keep reminding yourself of that.

As others have said, I don't think people have a clue as to what people go through with menopause unless they encounter difficulties themselves.

I recounted my tale to a staff member at the building society that I had an appointment with to discuss my finances - and she causally mentioned that her mother had had some problems but took HRT and was fine now.  When I explained I'd had a nervous breakdown arising from the actions I took while ill with a menopausal imbalance, she said well you seem normal now!

I left the building society and went to my local MIND support group who have been so kind and the facilitator said she hated when people turned around and said you seem normal now!  Because just completely overlooks how people really are.

On one level I am really normal but on another level my body doesn't function well and I tire easily.  My lovely Dr this morning said to me that these things can take months to recover from - I was asking her when I might be well enough to make a trip back to Canada - and I don't know whether I will be well enough in time to do that - but she held hope for me as she said that I had made such good progress in 6 weeks so to see how I was in a months time.

So remember that healing takes time and understanding - so if your boss is being unpleasant, thats hard to deal with at the best of times and dealing with it while you are still trying to adjust to getting back into the swing of things is even harder.

I wonder whether, depending on your life situation, at some point you could perhaps have a heart to heart with your partner and figure out whether there's a way to have a lifestyle that doesn't necessitate you working f/t?  Perhaps going p/t somewhere else might be a more pleasant longterm option depending on your financial circumstances?

It's difficult I know because I myself am financially in a mess, living off my savings and not able to work - but one's health is really important and if you have some wiggle room there to change your lifestyle then think about doing it.

Hugs xxx

[SallyG]

Thanks Greenfields. Your posts always have a breath of spring air about them - a bit like your name. You are right in all you say. Health is sooo important. I went to a networking event for Women in Science tonight and there was an amazing woman doctor who is bipolar and shared really honestly about it, bless her. Thank you for taking time to give such encouragement to me.

Best SallyG