Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[honeybun]

And I don't know why.

I lie in bed at night and imagine the worse possible things such as hubby not wakening up in the morning and what life would be like......just awful thoughts that run through my mind.

I have always been a glass half full person so to be thinking this kind of thing is really horrible.

I think we have spoken about this before years ago and I'm pretty sure I contributed but I've not had these kinds of thoughts for a long time.....and now out of the blue here they are again.

I know hubby has had his health issues but things are an improving picture so why on earth am I thinking like this.

Maybe an age thing.

Anyone else get these intrusive thoughts.


Honeybun
X

[Galadriel]

Me too. I get them at the most odd moments. I can be happy as Larry one minute and then suddenly have some very random thoughts about DH not making it home (he works away at the beginning of the week) and what if DD is too anxious to enjoy Uni (she's sitting opposite me, studying like mad for A Levels). What happens to DD and DS if DH and I go away for a night and don't make it back? I could go on... but it will make my cry.

Those bloomin' "What ifs..." It takes me ages to wind down from it and get my thoughts back under control.

Galadriel x

[Annie0710]

I think about these things, not that they will happen but what 'if'

I honestly thought it was normal because we have a fear of losing loved ones? I've lost both my parents and had a SIL pass, all 3 were sudden with no illness, so I'm aware that my loved ones are here today and God forbid there's a chance not tomorrow

And this contributes to my mindset that when I leave their company I always hug and kiss them and tell them 'love you'  and I don't ever have cross words with them, disagreements yes as in differing opinions but never fall outs

Annie xx

[Galadriel]

I do the same Annie. I always tell them I love them when saying good bye in person or on the phone, just in case my number's up.

Galadriel x

[CLKD]

Yep.

[honeybun]

Not that i wish this on anyone but I'm glad it's not just me. Not going completely mad quite yet.

I suppose we become more aware of our own mortality as we get older but it's just magnified a bit at the moment.
It's when you live with someone for so long you just can't imagine what life could possibly be like if they weren't there anymore.
To be honest it scares me...a lot.

Thoughts like that need to remain unthought if you see what I mean.


Honeybun
X

[Limpy]

Yes - I've had these thoughts since OH's heart spats late last / early this year.
I'd had them to a lesser extent in the past.
Much more now.
I'me very aware of not going to sleep or parting ways in a bad temper
 

[Joyce]

Thank goodness it's not just me. I think about how I'd react if hubby didn't waken. He suffers with sleep apnoea & stops breathing sometimes, not just for a few seconds either. Scary!

I also wonder what he'd do if I didn't waken. He'd never manage things like washing machine, cooking anything other than microwave meals.

I've often said he'd never cope without me.

Brother's first wife in final stages of cancer, taught my brother all he needed to know about such things. Going suddenly is a different story.

As for life afterwards, doesn't bear thinking about really.

[Night_Owl]

Yes definitely, intrusive thoughts that I just can't stop - so know what you mean, morbidity, dread.  I imagine the worst possible things as well, in the night, when I've been woken by a night sweat / adrenaline surge.  It's got so much worse since my lovely Mum died last year, it was traumatic (and one of the worst possible things, for real) - now her poor little dog is so ill.  It has changed my awareness in a way that I can't change back and I find myself so much more anxious and dithery since then.  OH tells me that we all have to try and come to terms with reality / the mortality of every living creature, the cycle of life, be more philosophical about it - just can't get my head around it.

Somehow I manage to drag myself out of the dark thoughts - but it takes a lot of effort and distraction.

"Thoughts like that need to remain unthought if you see what I mean."  So true.  I wish I knew how to keep a lid on them - really do understand your fear thoughts HB.


Night_Owl
x

[CLKD]

One reason why I felt overwhelmed this morning.  Fear that DH will die soon.  Worry about what will happen after my Mum dies ……. clearing the house and keeping Gob Tight Shut when (d)S arrives.  Feelings of sudden rush of fear every night as we get into bed, 'another day done, another day closer  ' ……….

Fear that the panic will take over completely  . 

[countrybumpkin]

As has been said " glad its not just me!". I have been doing this for past 40 years though
What I do is think  - well I can spend all my day worrying and being miserable or I can enjoy whatever time I have left or time my DH has left because we have no idea when it will happen other than it will and I would rather enjoy now-  saying that my dread thoughts usually attack one a day but I refuse to let them gallop by thinking the above.
Mind you in trying to enjoy myself I usually end up overdoing things and then my poor crippled spine shouts at me and then the thought comes back

[Night_Owl]

For some of us, think the strong low estrogen / low serotonin connection = low mood, morbid thoughts etc etc plays a bit part - for example, the other week I tried yet again to come off the patch and more or less the next day the doom and gloom dread thoughts got much much worse - and did lessen after I slapped it back on again.

You're so right CB, we need to enjoy the now - the upside of the gloomy (mortality) awareness is appreciating what we have in the present.

[Spangles]

Yes me too! They are horrid and I feel like mine pop-up just to taunt me!

[mazzy]

I get these thoughts too.  Even more since my Mom died in January. Its a horrible feeling that your loved ones are going to die.  Used to get it when my Children were small too but I used to worry about me dying and who would bring them up.  Its awful but glad I am not the only one who gets these feelings. 

Wonder if the men get the same or is it just us women.

[honeybun]

My hubby and I have never discussed dying or death of either of us. I have told him I want to be cremated but he has never really responded. It's a discussion that needs to be done but I suspect I will be the one talking as he disappears out of the room.

I used to say I wasn't afraid of dying just the manner in which I get there but now I'm not so sure.

I worry in the dark of the night about how I would manage...how he would manage, would the kids be ok.....such rediculous stuff that I can't even be in control of.
My sensible head says....stop,and don't be so stupid....my in the dark head frets over it all.


Honeybun
X