Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Greenfields]

Up until a few weeks ago I was a competent 51 year old with plans to move back to Canada and take up a Masters course in September. In the space of a few weeks, everything has unravelled and I'm really struggling as I have no family support and just one friend locally who has stepped in and helped.

I returned to the UK from Canada last year (having spent 12 years in Canada) as I had trouble getting work where I was living in Ontario and I didn't want to move to a colder province. I picked up work quite quickly in the UK but had a very stressful job in mental health as a support worker and worked for a manager who had a history of staff grievances against him - so it was a difficult work environment. In addition I wasn't particularly well paid (18K) and while I initially rented a room (in Hampshire) the landlord became increasingly difficult to deal with (announcing that the heating wasn't going on until December and removing the thermostat was the final straw). So in September I moved to a flat but quickly realised that my income was barely covering my expenses and encountered problems with the landlords that I rent from - I have some spousal support from an ex which will probably end in March 2016 which helps and also some savings which are my pension savings (not very much but enough to see me through for a little while).

I left the stressful job at the end of November and decided to apply for a Masters course in Ontario as this would help me get a job in Ontario. In December I got ill with a viral infection and was ill all the way through to the end of January. I stopped swimming during this time as I also had a sinus infection - swimming was a great stress reliever for me. Despite all this I got my Masters application submitted at the end of December and spent part of January sorting through my stuff to prepare for a move.

In February I took 3 weeks out and went on a meditation retreat. During that time I noticed that the hot flushes and night sweats I had been experiencing increased in intensity. I had been seeing an acupuncturist for help with this but the 3 weeks I was away at the meditation retreat, I woke up each night soaked in sweat.

At the end of February I found out I had got a place on the Masters course and prepared to sort out moving back to Canada. I went out to Canada in March for a week with the intention of sorting out an apartment prior to moving. While I was there, my anxiety seemed to go off the wall but I put it down to the stress I had been under. I also noticed that my body was increasingly struggling to regulate temperature day and night. I seemed unable to make decisions and was unable to commit to sorting out an apartment (as I had intended).

During this week, I saw my Canadian acupuncturist twice and she also gave me some chinese herbal medication which I took until I started the HRT.  I had previously taken this medication last year (prior to moving back to the UK) and it seemed to help.  But this time it didn't seem to have the same effects. 

I came back to the UK feeling very mixed up.  I don't travel well either which probably didn't help. Anyway, fast forward to March 19 and I had an acupuncture appointment, decided that I needed to sort out the move and put all the things in place (contacted the movers, gave notice on my flat etc). Two days later I woke up in a state of terror and pulled all the plans I had to move.  I now realise what I experienced was a panic attack but I did not realise that at the time.

The week that followed was hell - I went into a deep state of shock at what I had done.  As well, I had to pay the landlord 6 months rent up front in order to stay in my flat - otherwise I would have been homeless (they didn't react well to me rescinding my notice). I also wrote to the college I was doing the Masters course at and withdrew from the course (which breaks my heart now even though I recognise that at the time I made this decision I wasn't mentally well). 

In that week I had trouble getting out of bed and lost 13lb in body weight as I also had trouble eating.

I managed to see the acupuncturist that week and she mentioned HRT as the acupuncture didn't seem to be working.  I then crawled to the library and did some research on the internet. At which point I realised that my anxiety and mental symptoms were probably hormonally related and that the severe stress I had experienced this past year had probably made the whole thing worse.

I took myself off to the doctor and asked for HRT.  She prescribed Nuvelle Continuous. On the second day I felt like my old 'normal' self - all the anxiety had gone and I felt very competent - I felt ready to get on a plane and sort things out - in fact I was in shock at what had happened. I also had the first good night's sleep in about a year which made me realise how sleep deprived I must also have got from the hormonal symptoms.

On subsequent days I was very up and down and didn't feel well - I found that if I had a good day I would try and do things like emails and then the next day I would feel unwell, shaky and often my sleep patterns would become disturbed again.  And that the sleep wasn't as good quality. I also had itchy legs which I went back and saw another doctor about - she said it was in my mind.  But then I looked it up on the Internet and discovered that this could be a side effect of HRT. It's since gone (thank goodness).   

About 9 days in I had a couple of rough days where I couldn't get out of bed till mid-day so I took myself off to the doctors when I could and she prescribed Sertraline 50mg.  I took it for 2 days and was so so sick - I had trouble peeing, constant nausea, the sensation of my body being bathed in acid, roaring night sweats, inability to open my bowels, insomnia, constant burping and the sense of a really upset stomach.  I've never taken very much medication and a doctor in Canada said to me once that I'm quite sensitive to medication so I'm guessing that that explains some of the severity of the side effects I experienced with Sertraline?

I stopped taking the Sertraline and spent a couple more days feeling very ill before it seemed to leave my system. 

I continued to experience nausea, found this forum and discovered that HRT can make one feel that way. At that time I was taking it without food in the mornings (first thing). I spoke to a pharmacist in Boots and changed to taking it at night with my main meal.  The first time I did this (2 days ago) I had constant nausea the next day but since then the nausea had stopped.

Throughout all this experience, my bowels were also a complete mess - what I seemed to be passing resembled sludge that stuck to the toilet pan. 

I also saw a dentist (to check if I had any mouth infection that could be impacting my health) - he said there was nothing wrong with my teeth but commented on my 'mucky' tongue which indicated that the body was not in good health.

The one friend I have took me to a different acupuncturist and I had a treatment this week (Wednesday).  Since then, I've felt physically a lot better - today I have energy, focus and no nausea.  In fact I would say that I feel the best I've felt physically since this whole thing flared up.

But psychologically the reality of everything that has happened has really hit me.  When I realised that the anxiety might be hormonally related I wrote to the college asking if they could put me back on the wait list for the Masters course as my place had been given to another student.  They wrote back saying that they were glad I was getting the medical treatment I needed but that I would need to reapply for the course next year and could not be put on the wait list.  I was devastated.  This is a highly competitive course (25 places) and I got one of them - it's in social work and I graduated from that college with a distinction so I'm a good student.  As well, it's one of the few (only?) places in Canada which accepts my UK statistics course so if I can't get back on it next year, I also need to consider taking another statistics course in Canada in order to be considered for other Masters courses - and I suck at maths and statistics.   

So here I am, no family support, no friends apart from the one that's stepped in to help a little bit, living in an expensive flat, with no job and no Masters course and having paid up rent until September - and I'm not sure I would be able to get my money back from the landlord if I move sooner. I have savings and some spousal support but that's not going to cover me forever - my plan was to do the Masters in Canada and then get a well paid job in order to be able to save money for a pension.

As well, I had a previous career as a librarian but that came to an end in Canada when I went down with repetitive strain injury as a result of working at an unergonomic desk/keyboard and being asked to do full-time workload in part-time hours. While I can use the computer more now, I can't do intensive data entry jobs as all my repetitive strain symptoms come back. The one thing I have found that helped in the past was weight lifting exercises with a personal trainer - but I let these slide when I started to prepare to move back to the UK originally as I got so busy.

If anyone else had written all this out, I would never have believed what had happened to them.  And I'm still in deep shock at how things have unravelled so much in the space of a month.

Prior to moving to the UK I had had a couple of stressful years in Canada - including separating from my ex, having skin cancer removed from my face, having a sinus infection that took months to recover from, having a severe allergic reaction to an antibiotic and graduating from my social work degree and then struggling to find work in that field. So I'm guessing these also contributed to my stress levels.  But I'm also a qualified yoga teacher and while I didn't do a lot of yoga practice this last year, I did have a regular meditation practice.

I'll finish here and thank you for reading this if you've got this far. I would really appreciate any support people could offer - has anyone else had their life fall apart in the space of a few weeks as a result of menopausal symptoms?   

I could really do with some encouraging words to help me start rebuilding my life.  I'm due to see a psychotherapist next week (I saw her the first day I took HRT but was completely off my head when I was talking to her - just very very stressed) - and I'm hoping that will help. But of course, it's more expense. However, I don't think I can get my life back together again without talking to someone.

I've also since changed doctor's practices and have an appointment to see a doctor my friend recommended on 27th April. I'm wondering whether there is anything I should specifically ask her about my HRT treatment? If I continue to get better, will the Nuvelle Continuous continue to work? Or does it's effects change in the future? 


 

[Dulciana]

Hi Greenfields and welcome to MM.  While I can't identify with all you've been through, there are definitely things that I can.   Hot flushes, anxiety, bowelly things, inability to make decisions (see my latest thread in "This 'n That"!) etc. - aren't they wonderful?    My symptoms (which also took hold at 51) were the underlying cause of my having to leave my previous job, although by then I hated it and am infinitely happier doing what I do now.   I'm sure you will find that folk on here can identify in one way or another with what you've been through.  Certainly, we can all offer you support.  I do hope things work out for you with your Masters.  I'm also studying for a higher-level qualification (in a musical subject) just now and I think there are quite a few others here doing similar things.  Fingers tightly crossed for you.  I think a lot of ladies here have also found that having some lavender oil to hand can be really comforting; and I've always got Kalms tablets at my bedside, at nights.   
All the best. 
Dulciana

[CLKD]

   your friend should have pointed you in the direction of Citizens Advice Beuruae as Landlords are simply not allowed to act in this way  so go along and have a chat about what you are entitled to.  Also find a good Letting Agent in your area and discuss what has happened and find out about your 'rights' as a rent payer.

Could you do the Course or similar via gaining credits via 'Open University', here in the UK based in Milton Keynes? 

Once you browse round here you will see what ladies go through during this time of Life, not called 'the change' for nowt  and you will find lots of support  .  There are lots of medications out there but it can be Trial and Error finding something that doesn't upset the system, I remember that after 3 days on Prozac I knew I wouldn't be able to move if I took another tablet  - eventually my GP found something which worked well.

How are your bowels now?  the 'sludge' causes concern, did you tell your GP?  It could be the result of Chinese herbal remedies but could it be because of iron - lack of or too much?

You're not alone now.  You have a lot going on in your Life so no wonder you feel overwhelmed!

[GypsyRoseLee]

Hello and welcome Greenfields 

What an incredibly stressful time you have had. It is no wonder that your body and mind have simply had enough.

To answer your question, yes my hormones caused my world to crumble over the space of just a couple of weeks back in November 2013. Like you, I had endured a very stressful couple of years. Extreme money worries. An ill parent. A husband who became withdrawn and depressed (due to money worries). Starting a challenging new job.

The danger signs were already there. I suffered a panic attack the second day of my new job and had insmonia that night, but I just shrugged it off and soon got to grips with my new role. Then my husband took me away for a weekend but I couldn't enjoy it as I felt uncharacteristically flat. So I feel my body was already teetering on the brink, but then peri menopause symptoms kicked in and they tipped me over the edge.

Within days I was experiencing waves of extreme anxiety. It was terrifying. I had to cancel social plans and force myself into work. I secretly cried in the bathroom after my children had gone to bed. I woke my husband in the night telling him that I wanted to find all the pills we had in the house and swallow them all, just to make the fear/anxiety stop. I thought I was going mad.

I went to see my GP who just diagnosed anxiety/depression and, like you, prescribed me Sertraline. I took it for exactly 26 days. It was horrendous. My anxiety tripled. I had a panic attack. The very night I first took Sertraline I didn't sleep a wink. I felt shaky, weak, with constant diarrhoea and totally lost my appetite. I had to take days off work and couldn't even bring myself to speak to my own children. I insisted we didn't attend a friend's wedding and insisted we cancel another weekend away, because I couldn't cope with doing ANYTHING.

Does any of that sound familiar?

I went back to my GP in desperation after 26 days of sheer Hell. She admitted that Sertraline 'can' increase anxiety in 'some' patients. I was obviously one of them. She swapped me to Amitriptyline. An older AD. It worked, in so far that it took away the anxiety and panic, but left me feeling very dreamy every day with a 'who cares?' attitude to everything. Restful, but I wasn't 'me' if that makes sense?

I stopped taking the Amitriptyline last September. I felt okay for a couple of months, but then at Xmas all the anxiety/depression/insomnia came back with a vengence. It was a very dark time. Yet I would still get the occasional day, or even 3-4 days where I would feel 100% fine and normal again, and I wouldn't recognise the person I had previously been. Sound familiar?

I finally saw a consultant who diagnosed hormonal related anxiety/low mood. I was 'a classic case' apparently. But (for several reasons) it's taken a further few months for me to actually start HRT. In that time I had a whole month where I was symptom free, followed by nearly 3 weeks of anxiety Hell again. I had daily diarhhoea (a classic symptom of fluctuating hormones according to my consultant), random insomnia. The only think I haven't had is hot flushes. Not a one.

I am on Day 9 of HRT. Still very up and down. Tuesday I felt great. Yesterday I felt dreadful. Today I feel upbeat and positive.

So, please be assured that you are perfectly NORMAL, as far as struggling with hormones goes. Don't feel alone. Lots of very similar stories to mine and yours on here. Lots of support too, and useful advice. Please keep posting, we are all here to help xxxx

[jedigirl]

Hi Greenfields,
Yes my life has been turned upside down too, not quite so dramatically but it was sudden.
You have had so much going on maybe you need to reassess and  jot down what it is you want now and steps to get there.
You sound like an organised proactive person, I'm certain you can get your life back together again.
Why not list your questions for your GP and take them with you. It's easy to forget what you need to ask once you're there.
Hope you're feeling energised and well soon
Hugs
JG xxx

[Annie0710]

Hi and welcome :-)

I am a newbie here with very little knowledge and experience so can't help you

But Wow you have focus in life, moving the way you do, travelling etc, and all by yourself

It's confirms I'm a home bird wuss

I wish you all the luck, you deserve it and I hope you find a gp who can sort your hormones out so that you can continue with your adventure

Lots of hugs
Xx

[Judith57]

Oh Greenfields I can so identify with your story. When this first happened to me about four years ago I had no idea what was going wrong with me so quickly, and spent ages googling myself into a right frenzy. I went from a really confident woman to a gibbering wreck, barely functioning due to insomnia, extreme tiredness and crippling joint pains, I never knew that nights could be so long! Like you, I was on my own as my husband died from cancer when I was 49 and I don't have any children. I had a new partner but he lived 130 miles away, one night I was so terrified I phoned him and he drove for a couple of hours through the night and arrived with me at about 3 am. When he asked me what was wrong I could only say 'I'm frightened'. I struggled in to work for months but spent the weekends on the sofa crying that I 'wanted my life back'. I think the only thing that stopped me from doing anything stupid was the thought that my poor brother would be left to sort everything out. There were times though when I really didn't want to carry on.

At that time my GP prescribed amitriptyline to help me sleep and once I started sleeping again I soon got back on an even keel and weaned myself off the amitriptyline. I then had two years of feeling normal again and I am sure you will too. It is just so confusing that you can turn from a confident woman to a gibbering wreck almost overnight!

I now have an almost constant UTI but that is another story 

[GypsyRoseLee]

Hi Judith

Yes, I completely identify with that feeling of 'fear'. What I have been calling 'anxiety' isn't really, I don't think? I am not anxious that something will actually happen to me or my family, or that my car might crash etc.

What I really feel is actually just an overwhelming sense of irrational 'fear'. Even sitting in my bed, drinking a cup of tea, perfectly safe and sound, I can feel genuine 'fear'. And the fear doesn't focus on one particular thing. It is just completely generalised.

I have woken my husband up several times in the middle of the night, to tell him that 'I feel so frightened'. When there is absolutely NOTHING to feel frightened off.

[CLKD]

Oh I remember that deep, prehensile, feeling of fear on waking - I would wake in the early hours and immediately have to get out of bed and dressed, go downstairs - trouble is DH would follow which added to the guilt.  I needed him to stay asleep  .  I would say "I'm frightened, I'm frightened" but he still had to go to work each morning.  I would sit.  Still.  Staring at the walls  until he came home with my medication at lunch time.

I can't remember how long it lasted nor how it stopped but I never want to feel that fear again.

[jedigirl]

Yes, this is the fear, deep chilling fear that I am feeling every morning at the moment. It's terrifying. My husband says he can see it in my face. My Mum can hear it on the phone. It's so wearing. I clench my teeth, my tummy, have to take deep deep intakes of breath like I've had a shock. I hate it and wish it would go.

[CLKD]

Have a huge hug, I remember that so well.    

It must be a warning of something but I never worked out what exactly.  Goes back to our Cave Days probably, damn it ……  ………

[jedigirl]

I'd love a cave right now  x

[Judith57]

So horrible. I used to spend the night pacing around my flat, my jaws constantly ached from clenching my teeth. I still have TMJ in my left side now. I kept saying 'I'm frightend' but I couldn't tell anyone what I was frightened of as I didn't know. I told someone at the time that I felt like a murder scene - I was just the chalk outline of where I used to be 

[jedigirl]

I wish my Anxiety meds helped Judith57, am on Sertraline but not sure if its helping. GP gave a higher dose 100mg last week but after taking 2 i felt worse, tearful and more anxious so went back to 50mg. Haven't taken it yet today and don't know whether to. Maybe I should try something else?

[Judith57]

I found that amitriptyline helped me as once I could sleep at night again I felt much better, it is one of the older style anti-depressants. You could always try it and see how you get on...