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[Lynjane]

I've been going through meno symptoms for 10 years, since I was 53. Admittedly most of the symptoms have eased/decreased significantly...but they're still there, and they have changed me! 

Having read the Advice for Husbands post, I would like my husband to hear this; 'I may have sounded/acted like a self centred, hysterical drama queen over these years  but I've really honestly felt and experienced all those symptoms deeply, why can't you empathise with that, and why did we never manage to resolve it properly?'

Anyway, I'm beginning to see the light at the other end of the tunnel at last, and although I don't think I'll ever be the same, well neither will he, so maybe our onward journey will also be different but in a good way! 

[Lynjane]

See, there you go, fell asleep half an hour ago...just jerked awake with horrid palpitations!!!

[GeordieGirl]

Over the years (and the relationships) I've come to understand that men don't think like us, don't often empathise like us, and in fact aren't anything like us at times. It's like having a dog and expecting it to tidy up after itself or do the cooking - a nice thought but it ain't going to happen.  I often joke with my partner that as a man he's emotionally disadvantaged and doesn't feel the heights that we women do.....he thinks I'm kidding 

Life is so much easier when my expectations of him are similar to the ones I have of my dog - unconditional love, lots of hugs and long walks to spend time together. Anything above that is a bonus    (As long of course as he doesn't mimic the dog too closely and starts chewing the carpet or pooping on the patio!)

Hope you manage to get your man to accept it's "just the way it is" and perhaps start on a new foot. If he's still there with his "hysterical drama queen" he obviously loves you deeply, even if he can't quite understand the mood shifts!

GG x

[CLKD]

Fortunately both my GP and DH have let me get on with it with never a 'pull yourself together' between them  ............

[Lynjane]

GG, you hit the nail on the head there, and I too have come to the conclusion that the first mistake us girls make in life, is to expect a man to think like a woman....they just don't! In fairness DH is pretty good about making life easier for me, I must have one of the few DH's who like doing the cooking and don't mind the clearing up! Anything practical, he's happy to comply, but emotionally through the menopause, we have been on different planets....but we're still battling on together!

[GeordieGirl]

My partner is really supportive in anything and everything I do, but sometimes I can see the sheer panic on his face as he's wondering exactly what to say. He's usually really good (eventually) but has to have a bit of thinking time if I'm having a paddy. Fortunately it is rare at the moment so he's had a fairly easy run.

I do actually feel sorry for men in this at times, they often end up in a 'heads you lose / tails you lose' type of situation which they can't win whatever they say. The problem is their first inclination is to try and fix it, when in fact we just need lots of hugs and chocolate.

GG X

[Joyce]

My hubby has never told me to pull myself together, he's given me some mighty strange looks though  I occasionally lose the plot & snap, which must hurt, but he seems to absorb this like a punch bag.

[CLKD]

I feel guilty about all the times I've snapped and boy have I 

We have a buzz word 

[peegeetip]

I think GeordieGirl puts it really well "heads you lose / tails you lose".

I'd often give DH the old catch twenty two "DONT YOU CARE!" then flip back a "DONT ASK?" when DH was trying to care.
He cared for me all the time and stuck with me when I was giving him hell.

I think that was the main reason my husband could not properly empathize with me LynJane, I never let him in on what was going on. I was always slamming the door both mentally and physically more often than not.

Like CLKD I feel a lot of guilt about how badly I treated my DH. 

Its sad to hear that some seem to think that is something we have a right to do.
If a husband treats us badly then its domestic abuse.
However suddenly we are allowed to do the same and we call it menopause.

Life can be very strange sometimes.

[honeybun]

I have always tried to control my moods sometimes more successfully than others but on the whole I think I managed not too badly. My hubby is very laid back although he can be a bit grumpy and you have to push very hard before he will react. The kids and I all know when he just looks at us and says...enough....that that's the time to stop  . Even the dog listens to that one. 

It's very difficult to judge how we are and how others perceive us. As good old Rabbie Burns says

Oh to see ourselves as others see us.

Guess we would get a shock if we were told what our families really thought of us.
Oh and maybe our forum buddies too 


Honeybun
X

[CLKD]

I did have someone tell me how I 'came over' to others - helped me to improve my over-all attitude as he kept reminding me ………