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[blondie19]

Hi,  I am new to this forum , just coming up to 50 , been peri I think for bout a year. On HRT controlling flushes but not mood swings and extreme tiredness, lack of confidence , tearfulness . Also been on propanol for 18 months for migraine.
Had mega stress last 6 months. Husband retired and new work options not forthcoming so been supporting him plus money now a bit of an issue . 4 parents all over 80 to support and 1 set 2hr drive away . Supported eldest daughter to but her first flat and she moved out last week .  Youngest at uni , doing well but unhappy in her current house .Changed  my job 5 months ago to reduce stress but new manager putting huge pressure on all the team in this new role and struggling to cope despite this being a less responsible and easier job . 
Seen GP, blood tests OK, burst into tears so she gave me antidepressants and signed me off for 2 weeks. Have started anti ds against my better judgement as I just want to feel  better. other half is supportive to a point but thinks I shd go back to work and go through it as he is worried about the repercussions of being of sick with stress as my sick cert says.   
Used to be confident  , capable woman now feel a feeble wreck,
Shd I give in and stay sick or go back to work and soldier on ?
Help please ladies.         

[honeybun]

 

It's just not easy is it, between kids and elderly parents and trying to be all things to all people.

If your GP has signed you off for two weeks then take the two weeks. It will give your ADs time to start to work.
You really need to take care of you and you will find lots of support here. I don't really see what difference what your sick line says. Your GP obviously thought you needed a bit of time.

Keep posting we are here to try and help, even if it's only to reassure you you are not alone in this.


Honeybun
X

[CLKD]

Take care of you.  No one in your work place will value you any more or any less 

Although you may feel that ADs are not for you, it is what most GPs offer when a lady appears needing Kleenex    .  Taking them could help you see the wood for the trees and having 2 weeks off work will give them time to begin working.  What a thing to put on the Sick Certificate: your words or the GP's  ……… remember there are Employment Laws which cover such situations!  those words would be un-likely to be written on a SC if presented by a man.

Keeping a food/mood diary can help too.  Charting moods, nauease, bleeds means we don't forget! a common enough symptom 

Time to find out what support is available where your parents/in-Laws live.  Have Social Services done an assessment for the?    We have a thread 'for those looking after elderly relatives' which might help see how others cope. 

As for your OH [other half] - tell him to ………  - this isn't something that will alter over-night.  This is on-going.  You may sail through or have various symptoms.  Did he 'retire' or leave work hoping to find something else, there are lots of volunteering opportunities which may lead to part-time paid work.

There are support groups for Students so if your DD is unhappy in her accommodation then she needs to be adult about it and ask either the Student Union or the Housing officer.  At this age everyone in the household may well be facing alterations in Life style  …….. difficult days.

[Joyce]

Take the rest. Doctor has signed you off for a reason.  If you go back too soon you may end up off for even longer. We can't help what happens to our bodies at this time of our lives.  There used to be a section on this forum entitled Help for Husbands, which appears to have vanished, but someone clever on here might find it. Most of our OHs are as clueless about the menopause as us. Speak to your OH, tell him your symptoms are common & that you are not able to cope as you are at the moment. I have anxiety nowadays, although milder than some, it can floor me from time to time. I just told hubby anxiety sometimes overwhelms me & I cannot help it.

[honeybun]

Good ideas CLKD.


Help for our elderly parents is vital.
Oh and I do sympathise with your daughter not being happy with accommodation. Mine spent a year in halls with....well they were not great and she could not wait for that year to be over.....she survived though and grew up a lot in that year.


Honeybun
X

[Limpy]

There used to be a section on this forum entitled Help for Husbands, which appears to have vanished

CG is right to point it out it's a really helpful section.
It's one of the first posts in All things menopauase - Is that a sticky?

http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,2458.0.html

[Joyce]

Well done Limpy, knew someone would find it. Hope it helps Blondie 19.

[SueRoe]

Hi blondie19, I was signed off with stress related depression when I was 46. I would say that soldiering on would be very unwise. I think that you feel the way you do because there is something fundamentally wrong with the way your life is arranged at the moment and it's making you ill. I think you need rest (physical and mental) and to think about how to share some of the responsibilities that have landed on your shoulders with other people. I can understand your reluctance to take ADs. I took them. They helped but I'm not sure whether it was them or time to rest that was the most beneficial. So many women are carrying huge burdens of family responsibilities that it's no wonder they are buckling under the strain. Please don't expect miracles from the ADs - reducing the load you are carrying will probably be the key to starting to feel better. Also, as you are perimenopausal, hormonal chaos won't be helping. Have you thought about having a chat with you GP about this? Keep posting. There are lots of ladies on this forum who will have felt as you feel now and can offer you support. Big Hug.

[blondie19]

Many thanks for all the support,. Can't tell you  how good it is to realise  I am not alone. Will take the time off and give the anti ds time to kick in and keep you all updated. Blondie19     

[Kathleen]

Hello blondie19 and welcome to the forum.

You do seem to have a lot on your plate at the moment so I'm not surprised that you need a break. Many of us ladies take ADs with good results so try not to be too concerned.

I don't think having stress identified on your sick certificate will be a problem. In the past there was a stigma attached to that diagnosis but times have changed and many companies pride themselves on helping their employees stay well. Hopefully your employer is one of the enlightened ones but don't worry if they are not, the world of work has moved on and we are no longer in the eighties when people would ask to have ' the flu ' or 'back pain' written on their certificates!

Sending hugs and best wishes.

K.

[CLKD]

You are not alone >wave<

 

[Taz2]

Many thanks for all the support,. Can't tell you  how good it is to realise  I am not alone. Will take the time off and give the anti ds time to kick in and keep you all updated. Blondie19   

Hi Blondie - just wanted to say that my lovely GP signs patients off for a minimum of two weeks when first starting anti d's so that any side effects can be easily  managed without having the extra worry of having to go to work.

Taz x 

[SueRoe]

blondie19 - how are you feeling today?

[Dancinggirl]

Hi and welcome Blondie19
You mention you are on HRT - I was wondering which one you are taking?  Sometimes the wrong type of HRT can give problems - many of us have to try different combinations before finding the right balance. Some of the synthetic progesterones can make one have PMT type symptoms.
You do seem to have a lot on your plate which is quite common when we hit the meno - we are the sandwich generation. I'm now 59 and over the last year I have consciously pulled back on many areas in my life and concentrated on myself more.  My older relations that I used to do so much for are actually far more appreciative because though I don't see them quite so often I'm far more able to help and support them because I'm not so tired. It does take some organisation and discipline on your part to find the right balance but speaking from my own experience, it is well worth it.  Your husband may have retired but maybe he could take on a part time job to help with finances - it might be good for his self esteem as well.  DG x

[blondie19]

Hi Blondie 19 here again .
Thanks again for the support and helpful suggestions . Following everyone's advice I had 4 pyjama days ( quite unheard of for me ) and started to feel the old me coming  back a bit.  The side effects of the anti d's have been minimal , what a caring GP who gives 2 weeks off when starting anti ds mine did it because I cried I am sure.
 I had to return to work ( the NHS is  not an enlightened employer, and our new manager is activating the strict sickness policy which has repercussions! ) .BUT I returned with my head held high  and a new mantra that I am not super woman and can say no and I did !.
My husband,  who retired from the police after 30yrs service, has  got  some  part time work  offered to him just this week and seems happier now he has a purpose again.
My HRT is elleste duet 2mgs .Yes I had wondered if it  was giving me the PMT like symptoms. I have 2 see my GP in 2 weeks to repot back on the antid's and my mood so will discuss then.   
Not sure if the rest or anti d's have made me feel better but I can see light at the end of the tunnel and am so thankful. Happy Mothers Day to all mums out there on our forum .
Blondie 19