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[Hankypants]

Hi everyone, Where to begin? I'm 48 and have been having occasional non-problematic hot flushes for a few months.

I started a new job in August and my mother in law is very ill so it was all a bit stressful. Then one day I suddenly was overcome with terrible anxiety. It wouldn't go. I was put on antidepressants (citalopram 10mg) but it didn't lift. The dosage was upped to 20mg. The anxiety still woukdnt go. Then in mid November I had 10 days of feeling normal. It was great. Then at the end of November I had a terrible relapse. The docs upped my dose again to 30mg. The relapse lasted about 2 weeks. Then I had 3 lovely weeks of feeling normal in December. On New Years eve I relapsed terribly again. I'm still trying to come out of it but I am much better. This time I went to see a doctor at the surgery who used to be a gynaecologist. I wanted to know if the anxiety was because I was perimenopausal. She said it might be but they'd only treat with antidepressants anyway. She upped my dosage to 40mg, prescribed me more antidepressants (duloxetine) to take alongside the Citalopram!!!  And referred me to a psychiatrist.

I haven't taken the duloxetine.

Anyway when I looked back I realised the anxiety kicked in in September just after my period started. In October I had my worst night the night my period came. In November my period was 10days late and I relaped the night it arrived. In December i relapsed 6 days after my period started.

My friend then found an article written by professor john studd. Have any of you heard of him?  He was writing about hormones in the menopause and how doctors prescribe antidepressants without addressing the hormone levels first. He says there is a specific type of depression called reproductive depression. It occurs in women who suffer from bad PMT (I don't), who get post natal depression (I did) and by women in perimenopause. He says the 2-3 years before the periods stop is often the worst for depression but doctors don't (or won't) make the link in hormones.

Anyway I then emailed professor studd. He replied quickly to say I clearly had reproductive depression which will be practically 'cured' with oestrogel and testosterone. I went back into my doctor armed with information. She had heard of professor studd and was happy to prescribe the stuff.

I then had a telephone consultation with professor S as I was too anxious to travel to london for a face to face.

He was very reassuring. He told me this treatment will certainly help me. I'll be back to normal in no time. In 10 weeks I will have an appointment with him when he will decide which progesterone treatment to give me.

So I felt brilliant knowing help was coming and I'd feel normal again. But now I feel low and have so many concerns.

I'm worried about if I get ill and they take me off the gels, will I get such severe anxiety again?
I don't like that I am now on meds for the rest of my life. I feel like my body has let me down. Or ive let my body down.
I want to badly to feel normal but Im worried this way won't work.

And then I have practical concerns....
The instruction leaflet for the oestrogel says not to use any products with sodium laurel sulphate in. But all the products i use have it in them and im allergic to so much stuff that I don't want to have to change it all. Can anyone tell me if the leaflet means don't use anything with SLS anywhere on my body or just where I put the oestrogel?

Re the testosterone gel - does anyone else use it? Should I get all new towels just for me? Do I need to scrub the sink after ive washed my hands so it doesn't pass onto my kids and husband?

Please can people reassure me on here that this Is absolutely my best option and isn't so scary when you get used to it.

I don't want to be an anxious wreck for the rest of my life without it. But likewise I don't want to worry about everything in the future with taking it either!!!! 😰

Please help reassure me. Please. 😪

[Alua197]

Hi I can relate so much to your post. I have heard of professor studd. Have sent you a pm. Hope you feel better soon. X big hugs

[Hankypants]

Hi alua197

It won't let me reply to your private message. Are you happy for me to reply on here?

[Alua197]

Of course!

[Hurdity]

Hi hankypants

 

Once you've made 10 (or maybe it's 20) posts ( not counting this or that) you can send private messages.

First - to replace oestrogen with a bio-identical product is not taking medication - you are just replacing a deficient hormone which is causing you symptoms.

There are women on here who have had consultations with Proff Studd and hopefully they can relay their experiences to you.

Re the sodium lauryl sulphate - I'm not a gel user but I looked this up on the summary of product characteristics and it says this:

Treatment with surface active agents (e.g. sodium lauryl sulphate), or other drugs which alter barrier structure or function, could remove drug bound to the skin, altering transdermal flux. Therefore patients should avoid the use of strong skin cleansers and detergents (e.g. benzalkonium or benzothonium chloride products), skin care products of high alcoholic content (astringents, sunscreens) and keratolytics (e.g. salicylic acid, lactic acid).

The use of any concomitant skin medication which alters skin production (e.g. cytotoxic drugs) should be avoided.

This means to avoid using such products on the skin where you actually apply the gel because of their effects on the skin itself, and therefore can affect absorption.

Re the testosterone - obviously wash your hands thoroughly after use - and in our household we all have our own towels anyway, so that's no bad thing re passing on bugs etc , but not necessary re the tesosterone if you've washed your hands thoroughly. I hadn't thought of "contamination" with T but any traces will be negligible once you have washed your hands -  just give the basin a quick swoosh round under the tap when you've finished applying the gel if you're bothered!

Using oestrogen is not scary at all once you're used to the idea. There aren't many of us who use testosterone because it's not generally available on NHS - but there are a few. It's usually prescribed for low libido and exhaustion, along with oestrogen.

Good luck and keep us posted with your progress.

Hurdity x

[Hankypants]

Hi hurdity. Thanks for the reply. I was feeling a little lost not getting many responses.

So you think I can carry on using all my products just not where I put the gel?  That's good.

I'm on my 5th dose of oestrogel now and have got a light (so far) bleed this morning. Is this fairly Normal? 

Thanks for helping.

[Hankypants]

Hi Alua197

In answer to your private message...

Professor Studd has put me on 3 pumps of oestrogel a day and 1/8th of a tube of testosterone. I have only had a phone consultation with him so far as I was too anxious to travel to London for a meeting. He charged the same for the phone consultation as he would for a meeting. £300 then I think it's £200 for follow ups.

As I only had a phone chat with him he couldn't do any blood tests but he asked my doctor to do haematology, routine biochemistry, thyroid function, oestradiol and testosterone. I will send him the results when they arrive.

I am using the oestrogel and testosterone for now and then he will see in in 10 weeks to discuss utrogestan/Mirena/hysterectomy.

I don't know yet about how long his waiting list is.

You sound so similar to me. It is as you say, just awful. I hope there's a light at the end of my tunnel soon because the dark times im having are very dark and bleak and scary. I'm scared of myself. 

[Dancinggirl]

Hi Hankypants and welcome MM
Hurdity has given you an excellent response - she is very knowledgeable so you can trust her advice.  I've been using Oestogel for many years and have never had any problems. I always apply it to my inner thighs as I find this easier.  As you are using 3 pumps per day I would do 2 in the morning and one at night.
You do sound so anxious.  Have you tried some Mindful Meditation? I started doing this a year ago and I really find it helps to put the constant small niggling anxieties into perspective.
Do try to relax and let that oestrogen do it's magic.
Good luck  Dg x

[Hankypants]

Oh dancing girl, thank you so much for the reply. I'm very anxious indeed. I just feel like a train has hit me full force. My sisters are both sailing through the menopause. I feel so disappointed that I've got to take the oestrogel and the testosterone. I'm so afraid.

I feel like my whole life needs to change to accommodate what's happened. I just need so badly to hear that I will start to feel better soon.

Also do you use any l sodium lauryl sulfate products? Or none? Can I use them or not? 

[Hankypants]

Also dancing girl, I'm on day 5 but I'm bleeding. Not due on until 25th. I presume it's because im on the oestrogel but is it normal. I'm frightened of another relapse. I was hoping to be on the oestrogel and testosterone long enough to prevent one.

And I've got vertigo. And a very heavy brain. Like hot tar has been mixed in. This could just be the hormones kicking in couldnt they?  They will lift won't they?

[Hankypants]

Pps DG

I listen to relaxation exercises. Especially one that gets me to sleep.

[Essexragdoll]

Hi hanky pants I have the same head feeling that you describe and I am not on any hormone treatment (yet).
I think it is all to do with fluctuating hormones and also anxiety plays a big part in how our brain works. My dr. Told me that my brain had been so worn out with anxiety and stress it had slightly switched off for a bit, to recover. Not sure I totally get this !!

[Hankypants]

Thank you Essexragdoll. Do you get very negative scary thoughts?

[Essexragdoll]

I did at the beginning, I had an awful melt down just before Christmas, and thought I was going totally mad. I felt completely detached from the world and my loved ones. I was signed off work for 3 weeks but I don't think that helped me as I just sat at home thinking and thinking. The anxiety is the worst part of this whole thing. I always thought I would be able to deal with menopause, and to an extend I can cope with all the physical symptoms, but the depression/anxiety is life changing. It's not going to beat me though, and on good days I talk myself out of the fog. I still force myself to go to work every day, and do two fitness classes a week. My social life has taken a bit of a back seat lately, but I still try to get out for a quite drink or meal with the family. Knowing you are not alone is a big help.

[Hankypants]

I had to resign from my job at the beginning of December. Not because I couldn't cope but because my supervisor was just horrendous. I couldn't spend another minute with her.

I was very worried about being at home alone all day and I do hate it. But I have friends who come and visit and we walk my dog and I try to book in other little things.

I just need the oestrogel and testosterone to lift the anxiety and fog a bit then it will all seem much brighter im sure.