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[jebica]

I am new to the forum although have been going through menopause for 6 years from the age of 43 (2 yrs after the birth of my second child - seven years after the first). After a couple of years of severe symptoms combined with bringing up two children I decided to take HRT, which took a lot of thought, but for me transformed my life in all ways (sex has taken a huge backseat, through what I then realised, wasn't just a bit of bumpy relationship, but my libido had all but disappeared...). Anyway it was great and made me feel myself again and my husband and I got back on track of sorts! This year though my elder sister got breast cancer, and having been through chemo, mastectomy and radiotherapy she was told hers was definitely the highly aggressive hormone hungry variety. Based on this I have gone cold turkey on HRT but my symptoms have come back worse than ever - am lucky if I get 4 hours total of broken sleep, sweats and hot flashes 24/7, terrible VS (first for me) and libido out the window. Husband says he's supportive but also says he's frustrated and reminds me daily....anyway, big sister great, but any shared experiences/advice would be appreciated. Apologies for the long post!

[Ju Ju]

Have you any other close relatives who have had breast cancer? Look at your family history. I chose not to take HRT as my sister had breast cancer, receptive to oestrogen. I have since been told that having just one close relative with breast cancer does not put you at any more risk than anyone else. I struggled for many years, latterly with the suggestion I had CFS, and in desperation have tried low dose HRT at the grand old age of 60. It has made a huge difference to my quality of life. I sought help from my GP , a private gynaecologist ( because of my age) and have had the support of members of this forum. I suggest you go and talk to your GP and maybe see a gynaecologist to discuss risks vs quality of life and actual health benefits. I wish you and your sister all the best. It is a huge shock to not just your sister, but to you. I absolutely know where you are coming from! Ju juxx

[jebica]

Thanks for that. I must admit I have considered going back to my GP ( I volunteered the info about my sister and he suggested coming off it. I knew it wasn't going to be easy so wanted the GP almost to 'prescribe' it, which he did!) There is no history of breast cancer previously in my family, and my sister was just hit with the cruel randomness that is cancer. I am on the books with the local menopause clinic based at the hospital, but due to work, life, being healthy etc.I have missed my last couple of appts. (Pre cold turkey!)I think I will try and make an apt to see my no nonsense professor there again! Now just have to deal with my demanding husband....thanks again

[CLKD]

Quality of life is important.  There is a blood test for breast disease has anyone suggested it?  That would give you an informed choice!  Coming off any treatment cold turkey is not to be recommended  - if it was helping your symptoms then maybe have a chat with your GP about taking it in the future.  GPs are 'funny', once the word Cancer with breast is mentioned many panic!  However ……

Keeping a mood/food diary can help.  You mention Husband says he is 'frustrated', is this in the sexual context? or because you had less symptoms whilst taking HRT?

[CLKD]

Oh and : 

[NikkiDUK]

Have you talked about how you feel to your husband? It can be difficult to find the words. I had a really good talk to mine last night when I was feeling really bad - he was really good even though he doesn't quite understand what I'm going through, he is supportive. He said his dad had prepared him for this after his mum went through meno - they got a dog so the boys could go for long walks! Sadly not practical for us at the moment although I'd love to have another dog - give me something else to think about!

[CLKD]

Borrow a dog? local rescue might like walkers ……. 

[NikkiDUK]

Would love to.CKLD but working patterns and my wolf volunteering don't leave much time. We will get a dog in the future. Hubby is the most amazing person with dogs I've ever seen. We looked at helping with guide dog puppies but couldn't get the hours to work sadly. We dog-sit our friends dogs occasionally which is lovely.

[jebica]

Thanks for the overwhelming support. Am quite staggered! Hubby is the whole sexual thing and he is trying but...we are still the new 40!! The reality is your body doesn't see that. Had a good day today, long chat with hubby but also since having been prescribed viagem a couple of  weeks ago, been  able to feel intimate again after months..still would love some thoughts about coping  with moods and insomnia. Still thinking about going back on HRT - although makes me feel guilty because of my lovely big sister x

[jebica]

Sorry love dogs but didn't realise that was the forum. Don't get a new wrong I absolutely adore dogs but....menopause and dogs forum???

[NikkiDUK]

I guess it's finding what works for you and taking time for yourself. Sometimes the only thing that works for me is going somewhere (in the house, a walk or yes, being with a dog or other pet), taking some deep breaths and trying to relax. Just accepting that at that moment I feel bad or sad and it will pass. I felt really ill and weepy yesterday so I just rested a lot, had a bath and an early night and I feel much better this morning.

[Ju Ju]

Well the menopause doesn't occur in a vacuum does it? It's part of life, and so are dogs for many people!  That's what is so great about this forum. We talk about most things and receive support and can give support. And it is easier to be honest when you are anonymous.

Is it guilt about taking HRT or fear? Getting informed will help making the decision. For me quality of life became more important, as I had got to the point that just getting up and ready for the day was exhausting.

[CLKD]

We meanders we does  - we have threads about most topics 

For YEARS I felt guilty because my libedo went West in 1977.  So I have learned to adapt by going with the flow and usually I enjoy it  DH gets  and we have much more fun in general.

Wolf walking - now there's an excuse for a new thread!

[NikkiDUK]

Where should I start one? It's a good way to take your mind off things! As I'm new, I'm still finding my way around this forum.
I don't have family in this country although my husband's family have become very precious to me as well as the friends I've made in the last 25 years. We don't have kids either. So finding ways to cope with this odd thing that's happening is up to me and this forum is great.
Sorry if I've gone off-topic - just point me in the right direction!

[bramble]

Have you tried printing off the 'Advice for Husbands' and giving it to your husband to read. It puts into words what many of us feel but cannot say clearly. Written by an old member Poppyrose - who still remembers her? - she was brilliant with words! It is the first post under 'All Things Menopause'.


Bramble