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[Tabbycat]

After barely any sex for the past few years, OH and I have been trying to get intimate again. While I love the intimacy, and (woohoo) am actually starting to feel sexual again, attempting sex was really painful. Not burning or anything, just sore. We used a lubricant, so I don't think it's dryness. 

Possibly it's been so long, I've actually healed up. 

Any tips? Is it hormone related or just down to being out of practice?

[Mrs January]

Hi there

Don't have the answer but lots of foreplay and lube works in my life...when the opportunity comes up...I'm singles again

Mrs January xx

[CLKD]

Maybe you have atrophy so your vagina will require Vagifem or some such on a regular basis. 

[tiger74]

Could be dryness and/or vaginismus???

I was referred to a nurse-led clinic in the gynae dept at my local hospital and was issued with a set of dilators which, with conscientious usage over a few weeks, really did the trick.   

[Tabbycat]

A dilator sounds horrible!

I'm off to buy a vibrator...

[tiger74]

Hi Tabbycat,

It sounds like I may have offended you, but you did ask for tips.

My referral to the gynae clinic partly came about as a result of the practice nurse being unable to take a smear when I withdrew consent part way through the process because of the soreness/pain.  Penetrative intercourse had become virtually impossible too.
 
I did not find using dilators horrible at all - TBH they look pretty much like a vibrator anyway!  Maybe if they were called something different more women might consider this low-tech, chemical-free solution?  They are not used at times of intimacy but to retrain the muscles so I put aside a few minutes each day to use them and felt like this time was a good investment.  Once the muscles are retrained the dilators do not need to be used again.  It was massively helpful to me as my options are very limited.  I posted on a thread here a while ago about smear tests and penetration - I've just looked back and I wrote "Being referred to the dilator clinic changed my life". 

The specialist nurse at the gynae clinic said that many women with problems with penetrative intercourse actually have vaginismus and present with the words "I feel like I've healed up".

Hope you manage to find a way through this with or without help from medical professionals.       

Best wishes.

[groundhog]

I have experienced painful sex for a few years now tabbycat.  Its not dryness just pain half way up - it may however be atrophy as sometimes there are tiny little cuts evident after intercourse suggesting the skin is thinning.  I used vagifem with limited success - lubricants seem to make no difference.  I think the problem with me also is we now do it so infrequently that it adds to the problem .  I do sometimes feel I need a dilator as it does feel very tight .  I don't like the sound of them but others have said they really help. 
Desire - not great but there are problems in my marriage.
Sorry nothing positive to add. 
Hope you find something that works for you xxx sounds very promising that you enjoy the intimacy and are feeling sexual xxx. That's a great starting point x

[Morwenna]

1) Regular sex helps to keep vaginal and vulval tissues supple, especially as we age - there is some truth in the saying 'use it or lose it'
2) Coconut Oil
3) Vagifem would be worth a try - even if you think dryness is not an issue, it helps to rejuvanate thinning tissue caused by lack of oestrogen in Menopause and generally makes things more comfortable down below
4) More coconut oil...   

[groundhog]

Morwenna - tell us more about coconut oil if you would?
Hear a lot about coconut oil for cooking etc but not for this purpose ! 
What type of oil do you use and how often ?
Thank you

[Morwenna]

Morwenna - tell us more about coconut oil if you would?
Hear a lot about coconut oil for cooking etc but not for this purpose ! 
What type of oil do you use and how often ?
Thank you

Just to say I do not have shares in the company as I'm always banging on about it! The one I use is available through that large internet based retailer beginning with A. Actually having just searched I can see there are a lot more different products available now compared to when I first started using it. I believe the 'raw virgin' version is best for lubrication purposes. It comes in a semi solid form which melts on contact with warmth - I usually rub a small amount around the vaginal area if I anticipate we may be about to 'DTD'. This can be done in advance (so as not to interrupt spontaneity) as it has good staying power - oh and OH is a fan too. A couple of ladies on here have said it caused them to get Thrush but I've never had a problem. Hope this helps 

[tiger74]

I'm always banging on about it!

Made me laugh - no pun intended?

Useful recommendation re: coconut oil, Morwenna, thanks.

[Morwenna]

I'm always banging on about it!

Made me laugh - no pun intended?

I thought that - but didn't say it! 

[Ju Ju]

I was also referred to a gynae clinic similar to Tiger's and also to a Body Stress Release practitioner, who has had several referrals from consultants there. This lady has had a lot of success with vaginismus along with lots of other conditions. Unfortunately, there are not a lot of practitioners in this country as yet and mostly in the south. Worth looking into.

[Tabbycat]

Hi Tabbycat,

It sounds like I may have offended you, but you did ask for tips.

Absolutely not! Sorry if I came across like that (I don't EVER get offended, BTW), it's just that the word "dilator" sounded so medical and very unsexy!

My last smear test was incredibly painful, and the nurse did say at the time that I needed to start having sex again otherwise future smear tests were going to be virtually impossible!

I have a doctor's appointment next week so I'll try and pluck up the courage to ask about Vagifem. And possibly a dilator - but I think I still prefer the idea of a vibrator!

[Taz2]

Tabbycat - there is a world of difference between a dilator and a vibrator. The term "dilator" sounds medical because it is medical. They are used very successfully by lots of women especially after illness but it does take a while to begin to help. You can read about them here http://www.vaginaldilator.co.uk/.

Taz x