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[bramble]

Perhaps it is that time of year when you sit and reflect on your life but I was just thinking that I never thought I would be going into old age on my own. I always thought I would be happily married to someone and that we would be together. Having said that, I have been on my own for many, many years and have never done anything to change that. So in a sense, it is my own fault that I am still on my own. Apart from that, I have made a good life for myself (apart from the dreadful anxiety which I am determined to beat) so I have got the security I craved when younger. I have good friends so am rich in that respect. I have a lot to be thankful for.
To repeat myself - have you ever had a life plan and if you did, has it turned out the way you thought?

Bramble

[CLKD]

Oh GOOD THREAD!


 At the age of 8 I decided not to have children.

Other than to marry a man who would be kind to me.  To not have the arguments that my parents had.

We wanted to be happy.  We never looked very far ahead because we were enjoying being together once we married, didn't need others around really although we did get drawn into cooking for others; going to them for food/conversation/long walks ……… we were only saying this afternoon that we never dreamt that we would be a 2-car family, have a large house with nice garden, would have a camper van; when we married I was earning £14.00 a week 

I think that many people expected too much from each other. People wanted 'perfection' and couldn't cope with the frailties of friends/partners.  Somehow we have weathered what Life has chucked our way 

[Dancinggirl]

I don't think I've ever had a 'Life Plan' as such.  Life has taught me a great deal but I really believe this: "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans".
I feel incredibly fortunate to be where I am now.  I have worked very hard and though I do regret some things I didn't do and regret time wasted on things I shouldn't have done, I treasure every day now more than ever before. Did I plan to be where I am now? I didn't plan I hoped.
DG x

[Judith57]

I was thinking about that expression too DancingGirl, 'What does God think about people who make plans? He laughs at them' Also, 'Life is what happens when you are busy making plans'.

My husband and I had so many plans for what we would do when we gave up work and we had just bought a weekend cottage on the Kent coast when he was diagnosed with multiple myeloma, after several rounds of chemotherapy and a stem cell transplant the disease went into remission but it returned after two years and there was no holding it back that time and I was widowed at 49 

We were very much like you CLKD, we were very happy on our own and completely at ease in our own company. I miss him dreadfully.

I have done all kinds of things in my life that weren't planned, we worked in New York in Wall Street for two years in the mid 80's, that was never planned but it was an opportunity that arose that was too good to miss. We always planned to hire a large RV and drive all around the States when we retired...

Now I don't make plans, in fact several plans that I had made for this year had to be cancelled when I became a member of the dreaded 'burning club' 

[Ju Ju]

I had a wish list, not a plan. I wished I could have a happy marriage, have a family and live in a place, where I felt peaceful. I didn't think it would happen, as I thought good things only happened to other people. I decided to explore what I could do as a single woman, eg teach abroad or in a beautiful part of the country, when my husband to be snuck into my life. He decided I was the one for him, but fortunately was not in a position to let me know how he felt. I would have run a mile if I had known then. Well the rest is history and I am a very lucky person.

[Joyce]

Not sure I had a plan as such, hopes & dreams, yes.  At age 7 I decided I wouldn't marry until I was 27. Wrong married at 21. 

We worked hard, paid off our mortgage & are now enjoying all the fancy holidays we couldn't when we had young family & struggling financially.  Now we have a nice house, two smashing adult children & two equally smashing granddaughters.

I still have dreams, but not sure they'll ever come to fruition.

[babyjane]

Dancinggirl and Judith57 I feel as though you have crawled out of my laptop screen and smacked me in the face.   you might have posted this light heartedly but It leapt out of the posts at me

Life has taught me a great deal but I really believe this: "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans".

I was thinking about that expression too DancingGirl, 'What does God think about people who make plans? He laughs at them' Also, 'Life is what happens when you are busy making plans'.

I have spent my whole life planning and fretting and stressing and worrying and in the end it made me ill but I still can't let go. I know it isn't what God wants for me but I can't seem to stop. I am scared of not being in control, what could happen if I let go. I wish I was braver but now I might think about what I do to myself by being like this and how I could actually being obstructive to what my life could be like.

How can I stop being a control freak?

[Rowan]

Let it go babyjane   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0MK7qz13bU

Surprisingly this has stated to work for me!

[Ju Ju]

Oh it's such a relief if you let go and just go with the flow, BJ! Start by looking at what you are grateful for and live in the present, rather than a mythical future. I used to think I wanted a bigger more beautiful house, but that wouldn't make me any happier than now. I have learnt to choose to be happy in the now.

[Rowan]

No wonder that song from "Frozen" has been such a hit, it taps into peoples consciousness.

I have even bough the DVD

[babyjane]

oh thank you silverlady. That is my little granddaughter's favourite film. I think I will have to ask if I can borrow it.

I can so relate to those words about having to be perfect 

But, how to start to change a learned behaviour spanning almost 6 decades. Putting words into actions is very scary 

I think I will start this morning with leaving the housework for another day and take the dog out 

[honeybun]

I always liked to have a plan....It's a control t hi g that has got worse as I get older.

I had a period in my life when things spun out of control....it was like being on a fairground ride that I couldn't get off. Horrible time.

I never had a life plan just a lot of hopes and dreams. A lot of them have happened so I think I've been very lucky.

BJ....My sister has a theory about dusting.....Don't move the ornaments  ...then no one can see it.
The dust will still be there when we are long gone.

I do think life is passing me by as I worry about my anxiety, my hubby, my mother.....and so on it goes.


Honeyb
x

[babyjane]

honeybun 

The late great Quentin Crisp said that after the first 4 years the dust doesn't get any worse. But words are easy, applying them is much, much harder.

I know my approach doesn't help me or anyone else and it is all based on the drip drip of 'what will people think' that has made up most of my life. I realise the foolishness of it because people have got better things to be thinking about than what I am up to 

[Ju Ju]

Last year, I had extreme exhaustion. The cleaning didn't get done and I had to let go. I tried to do the essentials for hygiene, eg loos. But I found out what really mattered...the people around me. I found I could still be happy, even though my world became smaller. It was a learning curve. You just have to get on with it.

[Hattie]

I've been told that i am a very much an all or nothing person - was always very organised, felt in control and had a sense of purpose when my family were younger and a parent still alive.

Felt my home was a hub for everyone to come back to and wanted to keep it up together and do things in certain ways that i thought was 'right'.

I now often feel at sea - i try very hard to just get on with it and go with the flow but often wonder what 'it' is nowadays.

My husband is here, my daughter lives fairly nearby, my son lives miles away - i know that i must count my blessings.

Hattie X