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[Joyce]

I've tried to be a better parent than my mum. We gave our kids their freedom, something my mum struggled to do.

[honeybun]

Us too CG.

My hubby did not have a great childhood. His dad was fine....if weak....his mother was a bloody nightmare. He was the youngest of four and he thinks by the time he came along she was fed up with kids. At five he was locked out the house as she went to work  . He sat in the shed.

He was determined to be a good dad and took it very seriously. He was very demonstrative with our two. It worked. Neither of my kids would dream of coming or going from the house without a kiss or a cuddle. My son greets his dad with a kiss no matter where they are. It's a lovely thing to see. My daughter is a daddies girl.

Sometimes we do learn from others mistakes and those who had bleak childhoods go that extra mile to make sure their kids don't feel the same as they did.

Honeyb
x

[Ju Ju]

My hubbie had a lovely mum, but his biological father disappeared early. He has only unhappy memories of him. His stepfather did very little parenting, though he was a good man. He wanted children, but distanced himself from me when I was pregnant. At the time I thought our marriage would not last. Dark days. I think he panicked as he thought he didn't know how to be a father. However, the moment our daughter was put in his arms, he was hooked. He decided to be the father he had wanted and a wonderful job he has done. He was delighted for our daughter when she was pregnant, but did not want to be a grandfather. He had no experience of grandfathers. My daughter and I just chuckled. We knew what would happen. Yes he adores our grandson. They are best buddies.

I did go the extra mile to make sure that my children did not feel as I did. I think I was successful, but I'm sure I've made my own mistakes. What I do know is they like to have me around and I am trusted to look after my grandson.

[CLKD]

What lovely stories.  Yep, this is the sister I avoid  ……

I think Dad was restrained from me by my narcissistic mother (who I go to see tomorrow)

[Joyce]

My parents probably knew no better, both were born during first world war when things were tough. Hubbies parents were brought up around the same time. My father doted on me but sadly died when I was 7. This probably made my mum very bitter.  As they say we can only do our best.
Strangely I thought my brother was the favoured one, he thought I was. But then, as I've said many times on here, my mum told me her kids were brought into the world to look after her & for that reason only. Maybe that's why I'm so bitter.

[Dyan]

I did not have a good childhood with my mother.
I was always afraid of her,never knowing what sort of mood she would be in from one day to the next.
If I stepped out of line I would get 'The stick'.
Things happened when my dad wasn't there mother lied to me and didn't love me.
I haven't had anything to do with her for 21 years. She means nothing to me.
My Dad though I have fond memories of.
He died 21 years ago.
He worked all the hours god sent so i saw very little of him but when I did he was the most kindest and lovable person.
He too suffered living with my mother.

Why is it the good die young?

[Joyce]

Why indeed Dyan?  I knew so little of my father as I was so young when he died.  Maybe if he had lived, my mum would have been different & therefore treated my brother & I differently too.
Hubby was an only child who was made to work in a supermarket at weekends from about 14 years of age. His pay was never his own though, it went into the household budget. However, his mum & dad still managed all the extras in life that they enjoyed, but he got very little in return.  Although when he did start earning proper money when he left school, knew it's value.
Maybe it's a generation thing.

[Scampi]

I don't think anxiety issues, etc, are entirely due to parenting - I had a very happy childhood (if not demonstrably affectionate), but I am getting more anxious as I get older (in particular, social anxiety).

Similarly, my daughter has social anxiety issues (which she manages very well as she refuses to 'miss out') - she says very openly she had a very happy childhood and I was, and still am, her best friend.  She can and does tell me when things are bothering her and we work through difficulties together - but even that relationship doesn't fully protect her from anxiety.  (and no - my anxiety didn't 'rub off' on her - until very recently she had no idea that I have similar issues with social anxiety as she does).

[Witches Cat]

I wish I could have re-programmed my brain in my teen years to be more confident, happier, less anxious, and remember the good things (I'm sure there must have been some) and then I might have been a nicer sister, and a better mother to my son, instead I was mean, miserable, and unable to relax and enjoy anything... poor little sod.... but, he's turned out to be such a lovely son (in spite of me, not because of me) and dad to his two kids, I in the meantime am trying to be a good nanny to them. It's like animals isn't it, you get a short while to "socialise" them when little and after that it's so hard to re-train them any other way. 

[honeybun]

You probably had more of a positive impact than you realise Witches Cat.

I was an anxious child, my mother suffered from anxiety through her meno years. I can see slight anxiety traits in both of my kids......so is it genetic perhaps. Maybe I passed it on by the way I brought them up and if that is the case it makes me very sad as I had no right to do that.


Honeyb
x

[Rowan]

I had a happy childhood at least until puberty, my mum was always loving and affectionate til then, then she was not so and became much stricter, though I still knew I was loved, my sister says the same.

I think anxious people are born like that not made, I come from a sensitive family, males and females. We have never fallen out over anything and do treat each other with love and respect, though don't live in each others pockets now we are adults, hard to really as we are so scattered.

I was always adventurous and friendly when younger though not terribly sociable, liked a few close friends not loads. I found some people quite draining and always liked to have time to myself to regroup. I learned to keep away from those types.

Being a Service child and marrying into it stood me in good stead(our social calendar was arranged for us and it was noted if we didn't attend functions) surprisingly it was only when I left all that and came into contact with people not connected with that life that I realised I maybe was different.

Here is some info that may help understanding how some sensitive and anxious people feel especially social anxiety, my Niece benefited from knowing she was not abnormal, now she is at Uni and loving life.

http://www.hsperson.com/

I do look back and think my life was good ( there were ups and downs)  I do miss it now.

[Suzi Q]

No Cuba is nature and rejigging of memoried Im jel u still have a brother keep him close
I am alone now re my own family all Iv left is 85 yr old dad who doesnt really want to know
A neice of 25 thats it of my family my side if it wsnt for my Dads late brotehr who had 5 kids 15grandkids@4grts
Id be almost totally alon so when w do I talk to my cozes as I get older instead of thinking of the some good times
The bad times seems clearer I got that Beach Boys charity God only knows It broke my heart the memories
Ones I dont want to think about some id even blocked for years are resufacing I want to be 20 again to feel safe
Course thats silly I was no more safe at 20 than 61 but we look through a prisim or coloured glass
Easter was always warm we got Easter clothes remember back to school in those awful summer frocks@clarkes
Now Easters bloody cold but then it didnt seem to be Summers were sunny no they werent we see what we want
So when those bad times rear up dont try to remember good ones it will only make u upset just cry it help xxxxx

[CLKD]

Photos don't even jog memories - I had the albums out recently and nothing came back …… good or bad