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[choc57]

I posted on here until very recently. I'd had a really bad time with hot flushes and depression. This last year I put my husband through it. My moods were dreadful. I went on Elleste Duet 1mg in February and noticed an improvement but still my moods were bad.
5 weeks ago my husband who was the love of my life. We'd been together for 35 years and we were still so very much in love despite my rantings, died suddenly in the middle of the night of a sudden cardiac arrest. It was totally unexpected. He exercised, ate healthily, didn't smoke and drank very little alcohol. It has been an enormous shock to myself and children and I can't imagine life without him.
My menopausal symptoms disappeared as soon as he died.
The reason I'm telling you this is please if you have a partner who you treasure, cherish him. My menopausal symptoms were nothing compared with this. I felt sorry for myself, thought the menopause was the worst thing in the world. It wasn't. I've now got to live with myself for putting my husband through a horrible year and what was to be our last year. He was 58.

[Joyce]

So sorry to hear your sad news choc57! What a shock for all of you. Don't feel bad about your last year, hindsight is a wonderful thing. None of us know what may happen to our loved ones. I'm sure he wouldn't want you beating yourself up over it. After all we are in marriage, for better or for worse, in sickness & in health. Please be kind to yourself. We are all here to give you whatever support you need. 

[Trey]

Ah choc57, I so feel for you.  I hope you will eventually hold on to the good memories that made your marriage so good.  I'll bet anything that your husband understood and would not want you regretful or unhappy.  Nothing you did caused his arrest.  It's usually genetic.  I was a heart nurse and so often that was the reason given.  Let yourself grieve without guilt as you did not get menopausal stuff by choice.  My husband of many years, almost forty, died of a brain tumor almost two years ago and I just want to share that it will get much more bearable.  I still 'talk' to Don to feel the strength that I know he would give me.

Life goes on and you and your children will honor your husband by living as well as you can.

Thank you for the reminder to cherish those we love.  You will be in my thoughts.  Hang in there. I'm so sorry.

[Rowan]

I am so sorry too choc57, its what we all dread, Trey has expressed so well what I and all of us who read your post will feel and want to convey to you.

[Taz2]

So sorry to hear this Choc57. Although it is really tough right now how wonderful that you had such a long and loving relationship which lots of people never find.

I'm sure your husband knew that you loved him very much.

Taz x

[CLKD]

  ……… it is something I DREAD.  Did your husband get up the loo in the early hours: before he died?

Guilt will be present, it usually is - talk to others in the family about all your feelings.  Guild included.  It's part of grieving.  Also, take time to sit quietly with your thoughts, together with the children.  Keeping a journal can be useful too, where you can vent.

Eventually you will be able to get photos out and go over the times you shared together.  Grieving has no time scale.  Feel what is 'right' for you.

{{ Choc and family }}

[Limpy]

So so sorry to hear your sad news Choc57.
I'me sure your husband knew how much you loved him.

Trey has said it all beautifully, anything else seems superfluous.

[Ju Ju]

I send you love. And yes, I do cherish my husband and best friend. Ju Ju xx

[latefortysomething]

I too wish to say how sorry I am to read of your husband's death.   
Your husband was cherished by you and he knew that, how lovely.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
LFS

[honeybun]

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sure that you had so many more good days over your 35 years.
Cherish your precious memories.


Honeyb
x

[LaineyWinks]

Such sad news, my deepest sympathy to you and your family.

[kiltgirl]

Am so very sorry to hear your sad news. xx

[donnacrichton]

I am really sorry for your loss and we do take things for granted. My husband has also been a rock for me. Thinking of you and your family x

[PaulineW]

So sad truly sorry big hugs for you and your family . Xx

[choc57]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and thoughts. Yes CLKD he had just been to the loo....what made you ask? He came back to bed at 2.15, for some reason I reached over and looked at his watch and we chatted briefly. Only 10 minutes later his heart stopped. This may be unsettling for some to read so don't read on if it might upset you.
I was woken at 2.30 by what I now know to be agonal breathing. It was an incredibly loud noise and I feel traumatised just thinking about it. It was like very very loud snoring. I was told that his heart had already stopped and it was his brain trying to get his body to breathe. He looked completely peaceful. At first I agonised over whether he'd been in pain and why hadn't I woken up but I now believe he knew nothing about it.
No I don't believe I'm to blame. His own father died at 54 of a sudden heart attack and my boys are being checked out for any hereditary problems.
I just wish I hadn't wasted precious time during the last 12 months. If only I'd known. But you just don't ever imagine something like this will happen. I'd only recently lost my dad and he'd been such a support to me. His own granddad lived to be 99 and I really thought we'd have another 20 to 30 years together