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[Kathleen]

Hello ladies.
I've been having various discussions with my husband and 21 year old son about forthcoming events and I made the point that I may not feel well enough to attend some ( all? ) of them. Now on the whole  they are understanding of my menopausal problems but it was clear that they don't realise that all these horrible feelings are generated internally and are not necessarily the result of something happening externally, if you see what I mean. For example I often feel jittery and on edge for no reason at all, a flush will suddenly  appear or I'm super irritable and I don't know why. These feelings are swirling about all the time and if I'm in an unfamiliar situation I worry about how I'll deal with them and that makes me panic. For example I am nervous about going to the hairdressers, not because that is a scary thing to do  but because I don't want to feel crap whilst I'm sitting there and I'm likely to feel crap at some point as I feel crap so often throughout the day!

I honestly believe that this is impossible to understand until it happens to you, so I forgive the simple menfolk for their ignorance but I've made sure my 24 year old daughter is very well informed!.

Wishing you all well ladies and a big hello to the newbies, keep posting.

K.

[CLKD]

It's the same with anything.  Unless someone has 'felt' sensations they can't understand.  It's important that everyone in the household is aware that you may not attend everything planned, it's your choice and you don't expect them to not go ……… saying 'no' does get easier 

[Joyce]

I find son is more sympathetic than hubby. Not sure if it's an age thing or not.  I try explaining to hubby, but he admits he doesn't understand. Though he says men suffer too. Not sure if he means they suffer because of us or not? 

[CLKD]

It's always 'well men suffer too'  …….. that's not the issue is it. 

[Limpy]

It would be good if their "suffering" meant they had the faintest clue about the way we feel.

[Tabbycat]

Conversely, my OH seems to be having a sympathetic menopause - night sweats, insomnia, joint aches, anxiety... honestly, some days it's like we're competing for who's feeling the most rubbish!

[Suzyq]

Kathleen I understand completely how you feel, BUT it is really important to carry on with the normal things in life, including attending planned events! I spent a year avoiding stuff cause I felt so awful and was left almost at the point of agoraphobia. I now plan things and make myself do them (every day) no matter what! If I feel crap then I may as well be out than sitting at home on my own!

I don't mean to sound harsh, I truly do understand how hard it is - but push yourself! If you need a safeguard, in the way of ativan or diazepam then ask for a small supply from your gp! It does get easier and the more I deal with stuff while continuing on with life, the better I feel and the less I panic ....

Ps I read Claire weekes' book and another called feel the fear - they are great for helping you see that the jittery feelings etc. are as bad as it's gonna get - I have the same with palps, but now I just try to ignore them and carry on

[CLKD]

Suzyq - for me, neither Claire Weeks books nor 'feel the fear and do it anyway' seemed to have been written by anxiety sufferers  .

If necessary I take medication to ease me through events that I have to attend.  But I no longer attend if I feel really ill nor do I attend to please others, not even DH.  Other people do not depend upon me for happiness and if I can't go well <shrug>. 

A little show of understanding helps.  A 'OK if you come, don't worry if you aren't able to, come for a short while' would go a long way to helping me go places knowing that not much is expected of me.  Fortunately DH has never nagged me  ........  the issue here is that family members realise that sometimes we might agree to something but sometimes we might change our minds!

Tabbycat - may I giggle 

[jacquiellen]

I agree, my husband has been really good as he pretty much gets my moaning or explaining or generally trying to work out the best thing to do with my symptoms on a daily basis and is patient really because I am pretty bored with it all I'm sure he must be but my grown up kids really don't understand at all and still think I can do all the things I did when I was a young mum.
Now they have children of their own expect me to have the same energy and patience as them and I just don't because I don't feel that good most of the time! Surpose that's why its called 'the change of life' and if it's not happening to them they are not interested in understanding I find.

[Tabbycat]

Tabbycat - may I giggle 

Please do!

[CLKD]

Does he need the window open, covers off ……… however, hormones can spread in the air, remembering that when girls lodge together or Nuns in a Convent, they mainly menstruate at the same time!  So maybe ……….

[Tabbycat]

I won't bother telling him that...

[CLKD]

  ……….. has he had his thyroid function tested recently 

[Tabbycat]

A few years ago, yes, cos thyroid problems run in his family. He was fine, though.

[CLKD]

Time for a repeat blood test then!  a 'well man' clinic appt as sweating at night can be due to several illnesses which can require treatment!