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[Dandelion]

I found this for you and thought it might help with your being unable to stand up to bullies! You could be right about HRT being a touchy subject for your dr- but really, is that a professional way for her to behave? Allowing her own personal circumstances affect how she treats ( in every sense) her patients?  Her own circumstances should have no bearing at all on what she does for her patients.



Being assertive means being direct about what you need, want, feel or believe in a way that's respectful of the views of others. It's a communication skill that can reduce conflict, build your self-confidence and improve relationships in the workplace.

Here are some tips to help you learn to be more assertive.

Make the decision to positively assert yourself. Commit to being assertive rather than passive or aggressive and start practising today.

Aim for open and honest communication. Remember to respect other people when you are sharing your feelings, wants, needs, beliefs or opinions.

Listen actively. Try to understand the other person's point of view and don't interrupt when they are explaining it to you.

Agree to disagree. Remember that having a different point of view doesn't mean you are right and the other person is wrong.

Avoid guilt trips. Be honest and tell others how you feel or what you want without making accusations or making them feel guilty.

Stay calm. Breathe normally, look the person in the eye, keep your face relaxed and speak in a normal voice.

Take a problem-solving approach to conflict. Try to see the other person as your friend not your enemy.

Practise assertiveness. Talk in an assertive way in front of a mirror or with a friend. Pay attention to your body language as well as to the words you say.

Use ‘I'. Stick with statements that include ‘I' in them such as ‘I think' or ‘I feel'. Don't use aggressive language such as ‘you always' or ‘you never'.

Be patient. Being assertive is a skill that needs practice. Remember that you will sometimes do better at it than at other times, but you can always learn from your mistakes.

Hi Sarah

Thank you, that was very thoughtful of you.
Very useful info.

I am great in theory when it comes to assertiveness, i could pass exams, but, when it comes to face-to-face confrontations, my mind goes blank.
It's so frustrating, I want to put my needs across but I end up saying nothing because I just cannot find the words.

I hope I was just being cynical when I mentioned my doctors personal circumstances. I hope she's more mature than that.
Also, I only get a very short period of time with the doctor and am worried she may just refuse to discuss it further with me, once she has consulted her colleague, if her colleague has also not heard of it. She said colleague,not colleagues, so I dunno if she is going to ring a gynae or just speak to another gp with equally antiquated views as she.

[Sarah2]

Hi
Have you thought of having a trial run at home over what you want to say?
I am reasonably confident but I still spend time thinking over what I want to say before an appt, even though I have a lovely gynae, because it's easy to forget things.

I know it may sound weird but thinking of what the other person may ask or say to you and formulating your answers- saying it in front of a mirror at home!- is a good way to get your thoughts in order.

Maybe think about saying things along the lines of 'unless you have any strong objections, then I'd like to try x,y,z.'

If she comes back with objections then have you next statement ready.  'I understand that this type of HRT is licensed and available, so could you please explain why it cannot be prescribed...'

If she says she has not heard of something then maybe say' Is there someone else you could refer me to, or can I make another appt with you when you have had time to find out about it?'

None of these are aggressive statements but they do give the impression that you are not going to give up without reasonable explanations.

[Hurdity]

I agree with all the useful info and advice form the others Dandelion

And as I said way down early on in this thread, print off the relevant pages on this site and write/type what you want to say so that you have the information in front of you for when your mind goes blank.

It's a bit like a job interview really - and I agree with Sarah - you need to have answers ready for the reasons they may refuse to give you what you want - if it comes down to that - and you have already encountered several objections.

Hurdity x

[Dandelion]

I agree with all the useful info and advice form the others Dandelion

And as I said way down early on in this thread, print off the relevant pages on this site and write/type what you want to say so that you have the information in front of you for when your mind goes blank.

It's a bit like a job interview really - and I agree with Sarah - you need to have answers ready for the reasons they may refuse to give you what you want - if it comes down to that - and you have already encountered several objections.

Hurdity x

Hi Hurdity and Sarah

I also agree with having answers ready and I always take brief notes into my doctor to read.
I did this before last appointment, telling her that other women get the HRT they need on the NHS.

Me and my doctor had a conflict before, which resulted in her reluctance to give me the pills I wanted for another non meno reason.

I took in printed information from a respected eminent professor to prove my point, highlighting the relevant bits, as I know my doctor is busy, but she still refused to read it.

Thank you both for these suggestions, but I just feel powerless once my doctor starts getting funny with me.

I even told her I was jealous about other women who's lives had been recovered due to the right HRT.

So, even when armed with notes I have wsritten I still end up tongue tied and intimidated and not getting what I need.

I would love to talk to Doctor Currie about it and wondered if it costs anything for me to email her and ask her a few questions.

I just want my life back

[Sarah2]

I think if I were you then I'd change to another dr or another practice, or save my pennies if need be and have 1 appt with a specialist. I think the way you are being treated is appalling and you might even consider a formal complaint to the practice manager about being refused reasonable treatment and being heard out!

Dr Currie charges £25 but if your dr won't read info you take in then what notice would she take of an email from another dr?

[Dandelion]

I think if I were you then I'd change to another dr or another practice, or save my pennies if need be and have 1 appt with a specialist. I think the way you are being treated is appalling and you might even consider a formal complaint to the practice manager about being refused reasonable treatment and being heard out!

Dr Currie charges £25 but if your dr won't read info you take in then what notice would she take of an email from another dr?

Hi Sarah

Yes, there is always the danger of Dr Lorraine, my doctor, not reading what another doctor writes, but she may if I say it is from a UK consultant (Dr Currie)
What does the 25 pounds charge involve?

I don't really want to change practice, because this practice, and even this doctor, have been really good to me, except with HRT and getting me hooked on valium then making me fight for a prescription. (i no longer need the valium prescription now thankfully)

I really need a specialist who knows aobut meno to speak to my doctor directly.
That was the only way I got the valium, when the consultant spoke to her.

I'm getting really worried, because if 2mg oestradiol is not sufficient for me now, how am I going to be when I am post meno, I am worried that my life is not going to be worth living.

I really don't understand why my ovaries are not producing enough oestrogen at this early stage of meno.

My mum was thrown into meno with a complete hysterectomy, and she never suffered like this. She was a complainer too, everyone knew if she was suffering. She managed her meno with starflower oil etc.

To be honest, I am beginning to wonder if it is just me.
But then, how would I explain the fact that I started getting really hot and sweaty yesterday evening, when my flat is not too warm, and I was in a tshirt?

[Sarah2]

No consultant would speak to your GP unless you had made a paid-for appt with them and they wrote to your dr to tell them the outcome of the appt.

There is also no certainty that your dr would take any notice of an email reply from Dr C because it would be general advice- you would not be her patient.

There are no HRT preps that give you more than 2mg oestrogen as far as I know unless you went onto patches or gel. You can go up to 3mgs with gel which is 4 pumps a day. You would need to use a separate progestogen.

2mgs ought to make a difference but are you making lifestyle changes too to try to help? Sometimes we expect HRT to do it all but it doesn't take us back to where we were pre meno so it's worth thinking about your diet and exercise. Cutting out caffeine, alcohol, spicy foods and refined carbs can help over-heating, and my gynae says some women are helped as much by exercise- 30 mins moderate every day- as much as HRT. How are you doing with all of this?

[Dandelion]

No consultant would speak to your GP unless you had made a paid-for appt with them and they wrote to your dr to tell them the outcome of the appt.

There is also no certainty that your dr would take any notice of an email reply from Dr C because it would be general advice- you would not be her patient.

There are no HRT preps that give you more than 2mg oestrogen as far as I know unless you went onto patches or gel. You can go up to 3mgs with gel which is 4 pumps a day. You would need to use a separate progestogen.

2mgs ought to make a difference but are you making lifestyle changes too to try to help? Sometimes we expect HRT to do it all but it doesn't take us back to where we were pre meno so it's worth thinking about your diet and exercise. Cutting out caffeine, alcohol, spicy foods and refined carbs can help over-heating, and my gynae says some women are helped as much by exercise- 30 mins moderate every day- as much as HRT. How are you doing with all of this?

Hi Sarah

I want the gel and the bio identical progesterone, like some women on here.

However, I really don't understand why a peri meno woman like me would need so much oestrogen, given how early I am in my meno.

I don't have a lot of money, but I don't want to be prevented from getting the treatment I need.

I don't drink alcohol and mostly don't drink caffeine. I am taking magnesium.
I get excercise, but not always 30 mins sometimmes 20.

I'm just getting really worried about this, because I could have decades left on this planet and I want them to be worth while, because at the moment I am beginning to question is my life worth it as it is.

[Sarah2]

I'm sure someone else has asked this but do you have a meno clinic in your area? Have you checked via the links on this site?

[Dandelion]

I'm sure someone else has asked this but do you have a meno clinic in your area? Have you checked via the links on this site?

Hi

I don't have a meno clinic near me. The nearest one is a private clinic which costs a bomb, or there is oxford which is out of my area.
There's nothing in this area.

Do you think I really need 3mg of oestrogen?
That sounds too much for a peri menopausal woman.

What if my doctor just refuses to discuss the matter any more?

Thanks

[Sarah2]

I thought that under the new rules where anyone could ask to see any consultant anywhere, you could ask to be seen at the meno clinic in Oxford?

You do need to give your current HRT time to work- you have not been on it for 3 months and I know my gynae would encourage anyone to keep going until 12 weeks.

If your dr does refuse to give you what you want then I'd change practices and ask around to find a good one.

[Dandelion]

I thought that under the new rules where anyone could ask to see any consultant anywhere, you could ask to be seen at the meno clinic in Oxford?

You do need to give your current HRT time to work- you have not been on it for 3 months and I know my gynae would encourage anyone to keep going until 12 weeks.

If your dr does refuse to give you what you want then I'd change practices and ask around to find a good one.

Hi thanks

I didn't know that you could ask to speak to a consultant anywhere, thanks for that.
I will keep going for 12 weeks.
My prescription runs out at the time I next see my GP.
I could ask for another prescription of 2/10 to take while I am waiting to see a consultant.
I just hope she isn't funny about it.
I have no fight left in me. I don't have to fight for what I should be given. It seems a waste, why does she not just give me what I want then all willl be well?
I suffer from depression and anxiety which is managed ok by meds, but the hormonal anxiety and depression on top is just making life not worth living for me at the moment.
I can't be ar$ed with all the sweats mooods and flucshes.

I will give my 2/10 the full three months, but I think it is just wishful thinking expecting it to suddenly start working.

[lubylou]

Hi
have a look at this web page it has good advice about getting the best from an appointment with your GP
Lubylou

http://littlelinden-hrc.blogspot.co.uk/2011/11/getting-best-from-your-doctor.html

[Sarah2]

Hi again

If you want a consultant's opinion and treatment, your dr would have to agree that you need to be referred to a specialist in the first place, then agree to you seeing someone else other than at your local hospital.


Read this:

http://www.nhs.uk/choiceintheNHS/Yourchoices/hospitalchoice/Pages/Choosingahospital.aspx

It could be that your depression and anxiety are making your meno symptoms worse- it is well known that any stress can make these symptoms worse.

Are you being treated for these separately with counselling or CBT to find out what is causing depression and anxiety?

[Dandelion]

Hi again

If you want a consultant's opinion and treatment, your dr would have to agree that you need to be referred to a specialist in the first place, then agree to you seeing someone else other than at your local hospital.


Read this:

http://www.nhs.uk/choiceintheNHS/Yourchoices/hospitalchoice/Pages/Choosingahospital.aspx

It could be that your depression and anxiety are making your meno symptoms worse- it is well known that any stress can make these symptoms worse.

Are you being treated for these separately with counselling or CBT to find out what is causing depression and anxiety?

Hi

I am on medication for my anxiety and depression and it's working.

It's the menopause which is making it worse and the prospect of living a restricted life with only partially effective hrt.

So, does this mean, that if my doctor refuses to refer me onto a consultant, then I will just  have to make do with inadequate hrt that is not fully solving my symptoms?

Maybe if I told her how other women get referred to consultants/menopause clinics so why should I have to just have a general practitioner with limited knowledge?

I hate unfair treatment, where some people are looked after and others just told to go away and suffer.

If that's the case, then, how come some other women in the UK get the gel and bio identical  hormones.

I don't understand why I am having to go through all this pointless hassle when she should just look up the meds I need and give me them, and that would be an end to my problems.
It's just a case of giving me stronger oestradiol and bio identical prog and life would be a whole lot easier.

Where to go forward from here, to get the hrt I actually want?

Thanks