I've just opened a new thread on this very subject but realise I didn't need to. My mother isn't alive either, jgr, and I go through exactly what you go through, visits to the docs, anxiety brought on by thinking I'm going to die with every new ache and pain. The anxiety was so bad my throat was closing up and I thought I had oesophageal cancer. I've now joined an anxiety forum and it's helped immensely. I found a website listing the 35 symptoms of perimenopause which helps as every single symptom I have experienced in the past year. I can't wait for my 50's !