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[dulciana]

Does anyone else find it really hard to cope with other people's stress?  Hubby is having ups and downs with some of his work; daughter is having a difficult time with boyfriend's ups and downs; I'm yo-yo-ing between good nights and bad nights - and daughter and hubby are both off-loading on to me.  I really feel I can't take it.  It's all stressing me out and making me snap at hubby, and not be very communicative with daughter when she rings.  I'm not really looking for a solution.  It's probably sleep-related.  But I'm just wondering if anyone else finds that, because the meno makes you over-react and over-sensitive, other people's stress makes you ten times worse!

Dulciana
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[Bo Snow]

Am totally with you on this one. Sooo many times I want to scream 'You think you have it rough, try being me for a day!!!' Doubt it would have any effect tho', they'd look at me, shrug and carry on off-loading. It is definitely yet another crap side effect of the meno but I sometimes think it makes us realise just how much we give of ourselves to family and friends and equally how little we sometimes ask for ourselves...
Hope all works out with the family hun xx

[Milliemoo7]

Yes, most definitely.  My daughter for example has ongoing issues of the OCD type variety and she has been staying with me since Monday due to her worries increasing and needing support.  I am that support. 

I try to make the most of the time when she's at work plus she's off tomorrow to stay with a friend for the weekend.

It's important to make time for yourself otherwise you go mad...and you end up being "short" with the person who needs your help, then feeling guilty.  It's a never ending spiral.  When she rang me on Saturday wanting to stay I was in the middle of a major crisis with my car, her inability to see my problems made me cross.  Of course afterwards I felt bad about that. 

If I do get overwrought I take myself off if I can and just do something for ME.

[honeybun]

I just get  fed up with them thinking I am the Duracell Bunny with the ability just to go on and on and on.

The sheer lack of thought and consideration sometimes leaves me speechless.

Mind you if you write doormat on your forehead then some people feel obliged to take you at your word.

You have my sympathy and you can probably tell I am not having a great night.

 

Honeyb
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[groundhog]

Oh don't get me started!!  I feel many of my  problems are caused by other people and I can't cope with it either.  I happen to love these people but the way they live their lives affects me and whilst I am cautious and try to avoid problems,  they all say ' oh it will be fine' and when it isn't  who do they come to - ME!!!!!!!
I find it very difficult and can't really advise other than I have to learn to take a step back and leave it all just happen.  The only thing we can control are ourselves and they way we react to things.  I am learning but it's not easy and I do really sympathise xxx

[Joyce]

Blimey, where do I start?  My brain goes into overdrive at bedtime., worrying about this & that.  The minute my daughter says her partner has said or done something to ¶∆$$ her off, I'm thinking OMG. She realises this now & always assures me things are fine, reminding me that sometimes hubby does likewise with me.  Son is least likely to offload on me thankfully.

[Maryjane]

Yes I can barely cope with myself at the moment. One daughter lives in NZ and doesn't understand hormones at all very stiff upper lip British, no 2 is very good rings me twice aday which I think stresses me more trying to be happy she has researched the meno within an inch of her life.
 no 3 has always been an emotional roller coaster and I am trying to make the right noises. Hubby is excellent, but it is scary how the mind and hormones control so much of our daily lives.

[Limpy]

OH offloads his stress on me loads of the time, it does my head in. I find it difficult not to yell "what exactly do you want me to do?"  So then I ask quietly, and end up feeling hassled and stressed myself. 

[Ju Ju]

Oh, Duliciana, YES!!

When I feel well I can be supportive, but since not being so well I have taken a backward step. When my Mum rings about her latest health problems, I switch off or my husband fends her off by telling her I'm out and chats to her instead. It's not that I don't care, but... I wish she could be more upbeat. I don't want to hear about every little thing and about who has died. My children are doing well and I cope with any ups and downs. I paid my dues when they were children, particularly with my son.

Last year, I had an abusive phone call from someone I thought was a friend, who I been very supportive of. I had not been in touch for a while, then forgot her son's birthday, while I was ill. Her Mum joined in to say what a terrible person I was and that I wasn't really ill! It still hurts even though I know they are 2 people in pain. It made me realise that I wasn't strong enough to be there for other people at the moment and should be around friends who are kind and caring.

[groundhog]

That's terrible Ju Ju -  the abusive phone call!  Some people can be just horrible and if you are unwell you just can't take it,  well I can't anyway.
As for mother phone calls - yes totally understand.  I feel everyone relies on me to provide their 'sunshine' but it's rarely reciprocated.  Hope you feel better soon.  Look after yourself

[Milliemoo7]

JuJu that is awful.  What a horrible thing to have to deal with on top of being ill yourself.

Some people just need to be avoided full stop.

[dulciana]

Ju Ju, you sound a very caring person.  It must have been horrible for you to shoulder a phone call like that, at that time. 

Thanks everyone for replying.  It's tough, isn't it?  I think we're kind-of stuck in the middle - the "copers" - in between the young and the old.  At least, that's what it feels like to me!   We've always been there for our children but now there's the generation above us to support, emotionally, as well.   And.................things like my hubby's I.T. gripe of the day!!!!!  Yesterday morning, I got gloom-and-doom about his computer files for about twenty minutes before breakfast, just when I'd brought a cup of tea upstairs to "relax with" in bed before getting up.  I got a hot flush, the weepies, irritation and a headache instead!   

Personally, I think we all deserve a SuperWoman medal!!

 

D.

[Ju Ju]

Thank you, Dulciana, Groundhog and Milliemoo. What lovely names!

I haven't spoken about this other to family and a couple of friends. Partly because I haven't been out and about, but now I am feeling better, I have to deal with the mother who lives in my village and goes to some of the places I do. She blanks me, but it is amusing as it is hard work for her.I am taking my husbands advice to carry on being nice. Both the mother and daughter have had to cope terrible circumstances, but this does not excuse their behaviour. I can only wish them well, but have no intention of having anything to do with them again.

Thank you for 'listening'! Ju Ju

[CLKD]

Time to access other agencies than yourselves. Tell them to go to the GP and ask for counselling!  They will have to wait for this on the NHS of course.  If they 'start', tell them 'not my hens, not my farm' and quietly - "What do you expect me to do?"  ……… "do you need me to solve your problem or do you need a sounding board, if the latter then sorry - no longer available!"

The more you say 'stop' the easier it does become!  Moaning gets to be a habit!  I'm a great moaner myself, ask DH!