hiya ladies. I need some help right now, I feel scared and alone, apologies for long post but background info required.
Post menopause around 5yrs and decided to try hrt a couple of years ago and after consulting with a private meno specialist she started me evorel conti patch ago. Only difference I felt was that any flushes I had disappeared but I wanted to try it because of severe anxiety I have and was hoping it would help. Felt no difference and didn't contact my meno specialist again cus I was dealing with the other health issues I have ie. Hashimoto's, thyroid blah blah and didn't want to change too much at once as I would not have known what was working and what wasn't.
Anyway contacted her back in March with some old test results that I had done around 6 months after starting the patch. She said I wasn't absorbing and moved me on to the gel (2 pumps) and Utrogestan 100mg (vaginally). Had a few good days here and there where anxiety wasn't that bad but can't say I noticed any real difference in anything to be honest.
Tested after 3 months later and still estrogen levels too low, she wanted me on minimum 300 or ideally 450-650, so she upped me to 3 pumps a day from beginning of June.
Couple of weeks after increasing I noticed some weight gain (which I don't mind was I was underweight anyway), enlarged and tender boobs, a little bloating and some water retention in my legs and a little bit of cramping.
I, unfortunately missed the odd progesterone which I think prompted some spotting the last week in July and which I was told is normal. I hadn't felt too bad with the anxiety and then we had that really hot day of 100 degrees and since then I have felt so crap, ie. depression and worsened anxiety, brain fog, lightheaded, fatigued. I retested early August and estrogen now 313 so she says to maintain that and test again in 2-3 months.
I am quite pissed off with her to be honest because she never made any attempt to explain how it all worked initially and what I might expect, so being the anxious person I am I would frequently email her with my worries. But to be honest I know why she didn't say too much because she could tell from regular emails to her that I overthink which obviously heightens my anxiety, but at the end of the day I know my own body.
Yesterday, despite using the Utrogestan properly again for the last couple of weeks I have started to bleed again, this time it's not a pale pink showing but morelike a very light period, very red with very small clots in; enough to wear a small panty liner. I am also getting some cramping and feel generally miserable like I used to when I had my period.
I have only been on my "therapeutic dose" (as she calls it) for 2 months but I sit here day in and day out feeling miserable, anxiety is high, no motivation to do anything, so little to no exercise and the depression is back, which I haven't had in over 2yrs. I also live alone and spend most of my days alone, which I know doesn't help my mental health because I know I overthink. I also have issues with agoraphobia and when my anxiety is bad I feel unable to do much at all except for staying in and just sit on the computer most days. Even my yoga has suffered through lack of motivation or feeling fatigued or dizzy. I know I am my own worst enemy in that respect but I just don't feel right and I cannot decide whether the hrt is making me worse.
I have spoken with my specialist about this but she just keeps coming back with "it's your overthinking that is making you feel worse" and doesn't seem to think that the hrt is affecting me in a negative way.
I currently do NOT know what to think, I am scared and alone. All I know is that I am feeling worse unless my overthinking is making me feel that way. I have had anxiety issues since I was a young child and I am 57 now but they were finally managed with an anti-depressant I started 15yrs ago but 3yrs ago stopped working, but I refuse to up it as it's the worst one on the planet to come off so I pop the odd Diazepam to help me through.
Just contacted my meno specialist and she has just replied and I am even more worried now at the mention of an ultrasound
"Utrogestan is not a very strong progestogen.
We do sometimes find that patients bleed with it.
I would advise that as this is the second time you have experienced bleeding that you move from the vaginal to oral route.
I appreciate this may increase side effects, but hopefully now you are acclimatised to it , they should be minimal.
If you cannot tolerate the oral route, the other option is to increase the dose vaginally, but this is may also increase side effects.
It is important to get you to be bleed free, as if bleeding continues we will recommend investigation with an ultrasound.
If you remain intolerant of utrogestan, we can trial an alternative, but I am not hopeful that you would tolerate any of the other options"