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[Maggies]

Hey ladies

I too am extra sensitive. I have two teenagers at home and a others who have little understanding for this time in my life......yesterday at work someone put the phone down on me! my joy when I reported it to my boss...to be told she will deal with this unprofessionalism.....yeah me in control and assertive for once.....

Keep on smiling

Lyn

[CLKD]

Oh don't you believe it  - what goes round comes round ?

Nelson Mandela did a lot of negogiating from Prison, he was offered release on several occasions but refused until "terms" were met.  Now that's what I call brave.  He didn't have much to 'forgive' because his ideas were discussed and eventually met.  So he worked hard from inside the system.

It took me a long while to get where I am but I have a loving Husband who has been my ROCK and he believes in me    remember, the more often you say 'no' the easier it becomes 

[dulciana]

OK - I'll just say Matthew 18:21-22 and leave it at that.

[Ju Ju]

Just hunted out my Bible!

When I was a very young teacher, I taught a small nursery class in a special school for children with moderate learning difficulties and behaviour challenges. A little boy, who was living in a children's home, came to my class kicking and biting etc. Over and over again I sat down with him and said there was nothing he could do to stop us loving him, but I would be very cross when he hurt other people. He settled down quickly and became much happier, so much so the matron phoned in to ask what I had done with him! Unfortunately, at age 7 he was moved to a new children's home. The state makes a poor parent.

I have found it easier to see the person as separate from their behaviour. There is always a reason behind abusive behaviour, but abusive behaviour is never excusable. It is a choice, but sometimes people are unaware they have a choice, as they have not developed self-awareness. For example, some abused children go on to abuse as adults, while others do not. Some want to pass on their pain, others could not bear to inflict pain on others. It is never about the victim. I can forgive, but that does not mean I stay for the abuse to continue. If need be I walk away. I have a responsibility towards myself, because my well-being matters.

[honeybun]

Holding onto a grudge is in my mind pointless and very harmful to your own mental health and well being.
Generally the person who has hurt you has forgotten and moved on.
If something is so bad then the person who has hurt so badly should be removed from your life or contact should be very limited.

To keep things simmering for perhaps decades is a waste of time and energy.


Honeyb
X

[Ju Ju]

I wish I had understood this many years ago.

[Ju Ju]

Hello Groundhog,

I'm up late with stomach discomfort. Managed to get to sleep early, when a client of my husband rang. Grrr! The edge has been taken off my tiredness.

One thought. I find my mood is lower when I have stomach troubles, but bounces back when I feel better. something to do with the production of serotonin, I am told. I know I will feel better.

The other thought. The need to be liked and approved of by others is more about how you feel about yourself. Do you approve/like of yourself? If you haven't experienced unconditional love particularly as a child, it is more difficult to feel good about yourself. Unconditional love is being loved just as you are with no expectations or strings attached. Most of us were loved conditionally. We might be judged wanting if we don't behave in a certain way, or maybe struggle at school etc. No blame attached to our parents. That is the only way they had experienced love. This can make us sensitive and sad.

I can tell you are a very kind caring person. That is you. It is OK to be you. The most important relationship you will have in your life is the one you with yourself. 

I don't have the words to explain what I am trying to say. Greg Baer says it better in his book, 'Real Love'.

Sleep well. Ju Juxx

[Kathleen]

Hello ladies.

I think being extra sensitive comes with the territory at this time in our lives. I certainly struggle to cope and mornings are worse for me too. I'm irritable and tearful at the moment and worry that I will burst into tears at the slightest provocation I'm also angry that this horrible hormonal stuff is going on and on. I just want to feel normal or at least emotionally stable.
Sorry to moan but utterly fed up at the moment.
Take care ladies, wishing you well.
K.   

[CLKD]

Probably the children don't expect too much from you and take you as you are.  They may show more appreciation too.  Are they at risk, if not, i would 'make' Cmas for myself and let your sister 'do' C.mas for the children and the partner.  It is up to her if the partner comes home and critises, her farm not yours  ……….. you can't rescue her unless she wants that situation to alter.

You do enough!  Your sister is a grown up!!!! so enjoy the children and maybe drop back fro mthe household chores because if it isn't appreciated then time to let her pick up the brush - never mind how busy she is, her problem is impacting on how you feel about yourself and isn't necessary.

[groundhog]

Ju Ju - I think you are right.  I want to get one of these books but not sure which one - what would you recommend?

[Ju Ju]

What you describe about your Mum is conditional love. You got attention when you did what she wanted, but not for being you. She was unable to meet your emotional needs because she didn't know how. I cannot recommend Greg Baer's book, 'Real Love' enough. It is an easy read and I felt a huge weight falling from my shoulders as I read it. There are other books I could recommend, but this might be a comfortable start and appropriate after what you have written.

[CLKD]

I think we need to be liked when younger.  Now however, I know who I am and what I expect from others and if I don't get it, then my C.mas card list gets shorter  .  If you feel you are being taken for granted then it's time to step back.  However, one should never give in order to get something back, if you give and feel good about helping out, that's fine 

I'm girding my loins ready for C.mas with Mum ........  - she sounded high this morning 

[honeybun]

I think there will be a lot of loin girding going on this Xmas.

We can choose our friends but not our family.

It's difficult to turn off and let things slide.
I am sure that my family think I am a bit nippy as I answer back now where as I never did before. People keep finding me more things to do for mum. I asked my sister yesterday if she would like me to stick a brush up my bum and sweep the floor as I go. Don't think she was very pleased but I am increasingly less bothered. I wish more than anything that others would just leave me alone to get on the best way I can.

That's my moan for today.

Honeyb
x

[CLKD]

"People keep finding me more things to do for mum.  ......." such as?

[honeybun]

You name it I get asked to do it..

I am good at avoidance though. I generally don't say anything just go my own sweet way and do what I want.


Honeyb
x