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[manic]

Does anyone else find themselves reliving every embarrassing and cringe worthy moment they have spent years suppressing? I wake up taunting myself about them - you know, everything from the time you got your skirt stuck in your knickers and walked out of a busy public toilet to the more serious comments and actions I carried out that have lived to regret and hate myself for.

I am literally torturing myself daily and find myself trying desperately to fill my time with something to take my mind off it otherwise I am in danger of curling up in a ball under the duvet and never coming out again. I feel totally ashamed of myself and feel I must be a really bad person. I am questioning my friends and families apparent belief in me and fear they too must have some serious doubts about themselves to bother with me as I do not see myself as a likable person.

I really think i am going mad - I know it is illogical but it is very real and very disturbing.  Is this menopause or just the fact my sad life is catching up with me?

Help?   

[Taz2]

This is a sign of anxiety manic - not that you are going mad - it can be a symptom of menopause but it can also just be.. anxiety.  You have to "forgive" yourself - not as easy as it sounds obviously. You are not alone http://puttylike.com/stop-beating-yourself-up-over-past-mistakes-and-awkward-moments/

Taz 

[Rowan]

Not sure I agree with you Taz, this is a trait that that highly sensitive people can feel all the time, it could well be magnified by menopause.

Men women and children can feel like this, they are usually highly emphatic and this can run in families. It is different to normal anxiety.

http://www.hsperson.com/index.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Highly_sensitive_person

[Taz2]

What I meant was that when these sorts of thoughts get out of hand then underlying anxiety can be the cause. The thoughts stay within our control but anxiety tends to up them a bit and then they become much more intrusive. It is a form of negative thinking - only remembering the bad things and not the good.

Taz 

[Rowan]

I agree with what you say Taz, it could be one or the other.

[CLKD]

  Yep, yep, yep - in the early hours I was crying softly because of issues surrounding my dog in her final days, I was tired, irritable, nasty ....... I will never forgive myself.  During the day I can get on with Life but as I drop off to sleep I go 'oh' as something cringe-making floods my brain    ........ things I am unable to alter, I can hardly wait until I get to Rainbow Bridge to tell her 'sorry'. 

I try to fill my days with 'stuff', usually successfully, but like you, there are things I cringe about - even telling myself that those people concerned will have long ago forgotten ........ there are 2 people I would like to say 'sorry' too as well 

[Winterose]

I saw a quote the other day and it went roughly like this,

" Dont worry about what other people are thinking about you as its amazing how little they do " , not sure about dogs though, however they seem to love you no matter what,

[Dancinggirl]

Manic - you sound like me.  It's definitely a sensitivity thing - I long to be more thick skinned.
What doesn't help is that my mother has always delighted in mentioning particularly embarrassing mistakes I've done whenever she can and in front of anyone - she also embellishes and twists things so they seem even worse.  I'm one of four kids and none of us has any real self esteem - she's lucky any of us speak to her.  I did have some cognitive therapy that helped but it's difficult not to be sensitive if that's your nature.  Meno enhances this problem.
Lying awake in the night reliving these dreadful scenarios is torture.
DG x

[manic]

Thank you for the explanations and support. I have had a particularly bad day today and feel quite rotten. I am sensitive and wish I was more thick skinned but I also think I am very anxious and possibly depressed as a lot of what was said rings true. I think i need to swallow my pride and go to the doctors before it gets too bad

[honeybun]

How I cope is to have boxes in my head. Things have gone in and the lid is very rarely lifted.
If my mind drifts at night after something has been brought to mind I put the upsetting thoughts back in the box.
It works for me although it makes me sound mad.

Why trawl over what is past. You can't change that but you can either live in the day or look to the future.

Honeyb
X

[Rose]

Oh manic, pet, my heart goes out to you. I know that I am not an angel and I am sure there are many like me. We have all done and said things that we deeply regret but I try to be the best person I can now. Go to the doctor as you sound depressed and get counselling if needs be. Recently I have been beating myself up as I was the person who let George the cat out and now he's dead (I've been reliving that moment). Now that may sound stupid but with all the other things going on in my life it doesn't take much to tip you over into depression. Nelson Mandela said that hating your enemies is like taking poison as it's you that gets hurt. I have written letters to those who I have hurt or who have hurt me, then burned them as some of those people are long gone. I had to forgive myself and others or I'd be living in the past and I want to live for now and the future. Please let us know how you get on and we are all here for you, honest.

[Milliemoo7]

I've done this for decades so not meno related for me.

HB your idea of boxes doesnt make you sound mad at all, it's a recognised way of dealing with anxieties.

Not long ago my daughter went to visit my brother and he told her a story of something I did in my late teens which I had forgotten about.  Now I feel really upset about it, feel that they were laughing at me even though she assures me that they werent.

Last night in bed I was having some negative thoughts about work and I ended up having two bad dreams.  Just goes to show I should think happy thoughts before going to sleep.

[CLKD]

I have had very busy, long dreams this week, so much so that I shout which wakes DH up in a hurry  - a lot of my past is in the dreams  ......... I can't use the box method because the guilt surges as I'm dropping off to sleep  - if only ..........

[Milliemoo7]

Yes, it's definitely worse at night

[Rowan]

Boxes for me too.

I  use to go over what I had said to men and wonder if I had upset or offended them if I said something in a joking way (their egos) until I realised that they don't retain all that much at all if its not to do with football, good food or sex.

I remember when one made me a cappuccino in his new machine and I jokingly said "don't give up your day job" and then cringed for weeks thinking I had offended him, when I did finally say something to him, he hadn't a clue what I was talking about

We beat ourselves up about things, that others think nothing of most of the time, when I do get like that usually in bed, I tell myself that I bet the other person is sound asleep and certainly not going over anything to do with me.