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[Kathleen]

Hello ladies, can I ask for your comments please.
I am not on HRT at the moment and finding the emotional side of the menopause a real struggle. I am irritable a lot of the time and feeling this way frightens me and makes me even more anxious. I'm scared I'm becoming this horrible person.

My husband has just returned from a business trip and I was dreading him coming back, I'd got used to being on my own and now I've got to make room for him. He's a good man and we don't have any real problems but his very presence irritates me. I then scare myself by thinking the rest of my life will have to be spent with someone who annoys me.

I hate feeling this way, even total strangers irritate me, it's like I can't find any comfort or relaxation anywhere. I have the jittery, uneasy feeling in my stomach and abdomen all day and it only really eases in the late evening. I'm so sick of all this, I just want to feel at ease for once.

I came off HRT after three months as it wasn't really helping my anxiety and the Noresthisterone was giving me awful PMT. I could try patches but after three years of no periods I was really hoping to be over the worst by now.

Sorry for going on ladies but having had a few good days it's so disheartening to feel so on edge again.
Thanks for reading and take care.
K.

[dulciana]

Hi Kathleen
I can completely identify with the irritability you talk about.  I can be irritated by anything and everything at the moment, especially when I'm tired.  One thing I don't like just now is feeling overcrowded - and this can happen in one person's company or several!  What helps me is making sure I fit some "me" time into my day, particularly in the evenings for some reason.   It's the balance that I think is key.  Have you tried anything like yoga?  I've found this can be quite pacifying, or comforting.   Listening to music on headphones, while hubby is working in his study, is also good because it takes me off into my own little world, from which I emerge refreshed at the end!  Sorry if these sound a bit eccentric, but I find they calm me down and make me (hopefully!) a bit nicer to live with!

[CLKD]

I used to feel like this when DH was working away for 5 days, then he would be home for weekends.  I got used to being out with work mates and going to bed when I liked, I even cooked for myself  but I would resent his presence.  I never told him, we are still together but at the time it was stressful as we were selling a property at the time 

Changes of personality in my makes me anxious in case I stay like it 

[Ju Ju]

Feeling resentful when your spouse returns home after an absence, is normal and ok. It shows that you have successfully adjusted at coping on your own and enjoy your own company. It means that you are an individual, not needy and not just defined by your relationship. It does not mean that that there is something wrong. These are just feelings and they pass as you get back in the groove. Just make sure you both have 'me' time within your relationship. Might not be a good idea to share these feelings at the time though!

[Kathleen]

Hello dulciana, CLKD and Ju Ju and thank you all for taking the time to reply.
Your comments have made me feel so much better, just knowing someone understands is a comfort.
As I've had a rough day I've decided to break out the wine tonight (it was that or a Beta Blocker and hey, the booze won). By the way, I checked my diary and it seems I had a similar meltdown at the end of August and September, I even posted about  the September one, so maybe after three period free years there is still a bit of a cycle going on?
Take care everyone and best wishes to meno sufferers everywhere.
K.

[littleminnie]

Enjoy your wine Kathleen. It does make you feel better immediately. 

[Kathleen]

Littleminnie...cheers.

[Lori]

I've just posted about nausea which leads to anxiety and the feeling of me not wanting to speak to anyone and being left alone in a darkened room ! ... My partner is a lovely man who tries so hard to "make me feel" better and I find myself just being irritated that he's even in the room when I'm feeling "rubbish"  Poor bloke sometimes must feel he can't do right for doing wrong      He is away sometimes for a couple of weeks at a time and although I miss him, I have to admit that I find it a relief to be left on my own to work my way through the moods and not feel guilty at being irritable with him when he's here bless him   
Lori xx   

[Kathleen]

Hello Lori and thanks for posting. I think you hit the nail on the head when you talk about prefering to be left alone to work through your moods without feeling guilty, it seems I'm always apologising for the way I'm feeling even though my husband says it  isn't necessary. When I'm on my own I can let the moods pass but when other people are around their very presence is a reminder that I don't feel as relaxed as they do.
What a minefield this menopause business is.
Wishing you well.
K. 

[andius]

  Before starting systemic HRT at 56, I didn't even want to be in the same room as anyone in my family after dinner and never went out unless I had to.  I was quite happy to retreat to my bedroom and watch TV alone or read book or computer from about 7pm and then go to bed.  I didn't want to be "bothered" by even having to converse with anyone or do anything.  HRT has helped a lot with all that.  I didn't feel depressed or grumpy really, just didn't want to deal with anything at all after I got home from work and ate dinner.... it was simpler to be alone and I liked it that way.  I became really annoyed if people tried to draw me in or get me to do something though.  I don't think I was particularly anxious though maybe I didn't recognize that.

Andius

[donnarob]

Hi There,

Throughout my life, I have all suffered horrible PMT:  My last p was 13 months ago and I get the craziest mood swings which appear out of nowhere.  I have tried to explain to my husband just how I'm feeling, and even shown him the "Advice to Husbands" link on here.  It's not easy as I live with my husband, and two equally hormonal children.  One boy aged 18 and a daughter aged 19.  Sometimes our house resembles Clash of the Titans and I have to retreat upstairs to my bedroom to calm down.  There's a thing, how often do you get told to "calm down?"    Just as well the Le Cruset frying pan is near to hand when you get that expletive! 

[Ju Ju]

It seems to be very hard for some people who have not experienced the effects of hormonal upheaval, depression, stress, mental illness etc. to understand. There seems to an assumption from some people that it is a matter of pulling yourself together, not being 'weak' and just a matter of thinking positively. What doesn't help is that some women do sail through menopause. They don't always realise how fortunate they are and that it is not because they have a good attitude.

I do remember PMT and off-spring going through puberty and a husband with a stressful job. Not a good mix! But I was honest with my family. I am ashamed how badly I behaved at times, but my lovely daughter recently told me that they never worried. They knew it was not about them and they would soon get their Mum back.

All you can do is be honest. Write it down if that is easier. Decide what support would help and communicate this to your family, so they have the chance to help. That support maybe to respect that you need to be left alone. As long as they know you love them and this is not about how you feel about them.