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[honeybun]

How much do you share about how you are feeling or are you like me and keep most things to yourself.

I am afraid that if I said how I really feel both mentally and physically then my family would think I was ready for the knackers yard.

It gets so tiring trying to have a smiley face and cheery outlook when sometimes inside you just want the world to go away and leave you alone.

Is it a woman/mum thing just to plod along putting everyone ahead of yourself.

I sound like an old moan but I just wish for once someone else could take over or read my mind to understand how I feel.


Honeyb
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[Rowan]

HB no one will be able to know how you feel unless you tell them, life is not like it is in books etc. whether you get the response you want, you won't know but at least you get it off your chest.

Just say what you want and feel in a normal calm voice it will be taken in eg. "There I have told you so, whether you like it or not that's the way it is for me"

[Limpy]

Lots of hugs Honeyb - you have had a lot on recently         

I think it's a woman thing, feeling responsible for everything, and having to look cheerful about it..
It might be worth mentioning to your OH how you are feeling, he may give a little more help / support.
At least then he will know how you feel - no point in keeping things to yourself.

[honeybun]

My OH does know I struggle. I feel if I start to moan I won't be able to stop. No one wants to listen to someone going on all the time. OH has his own health problems which put mine in the shade and although I know it's not a competition I feel I have to put on a brave face and say I am fine.
He will listen and does try to understand but he does not know exactly what goes on in my head.
I know he never will unless I tell him, but I am sure like some others you just choose not to say anything at all.

Honeyb
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[Joyce]

Awe 

Know what you mean. Putting on a brave face can be quite exhausting. I bottle things  up and say nothing's wrong when I know full well I'm lying.  My problem is I feel bad about not coping and am scared to admit defeat.  My hubby listens but is not terribly good at offering useful help. Think it's my general make up that makes me this way.

So many things happening in one's life can become overwhelming. Take care of you HB as you don't want any more blips health wise. 

[bramble]

I know how you feel. I have been struggling a bit this past year and haven't discussed it at all with either my sisters or my friends. I have even resorted to little white lies at times to cover up how I feel. For two reasons I suppose - 1. they have enough to worry about already and I don't want to add to that and 2. if I talk about it then it is real and I might have to do something about it. Crazy huh? I need to give myself a big kick up the butt and sort myself out.............
Bramble

[Lucky Stone]

I'm a great believer in sharing. We've just lost a good friend to suicide. Really sudden, no one saw it coming. One day here, the next, gone. I'm not saying that anyone could have made a difference but it occurred to me that maybe they felt alone with problems and didn't know who to talk to? I swore that I would never again look at someone, feel a bit "unsure" about how they are and say nothing - I am going to speak out in the future. Even if it offends. At the same time, I have become more open about how I am, the meds I am on and the treatment I am receiving. Not to everyone - you don't want to burden all and sundry - but if the conversation heads that way (and it has recently) - then I speak out. I really am not ashamed of the battles I am fighting and the more you speak, the more others come out and say that they can identify with the issues raised. But then I have always been open. If someone tells me a secret then I am good at keeping it - my own secrets, not so much. I am who and what I am.

[Delilah]

I dont think hubbies, partners, friends & family can ever really understand what you're going through no matter how much they try or you tell them, unless they've gone through it themselves.  Some of these symptoms and feelings we get are hard to convey aren't they.

You do end up wondering if people think your a bit of a hypochondriac.  At least on here we all understand how each others feeling, so  to everyone feeling a bit low today.

Delilah x

[honeybun]

My hubby does his best bless him but you really don't want to go on and on as I guess eyes would start to glaze over. My mother is way too old and either you tell her and she forgets or she goes on and on and talks of nothing else. Not her fault she is just old and frail.
I do identify with what Bramble said. If you acknowledge things out loud they become too real.

I suspect there are lots of us who have said little to those closest to us and just try and get on the best way you can.

Honeyb
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[Kathleen]

Hello Honeybun.
I just wanted to add that I know how you feel but in this last year I have become increasingly open about how the menopause is affecting me and I mention it at the drop of a hat. My husband is tired of me talking about it but I want to be honest as I think it helps me deal with my symptoms.
Those of us who were young in the fifties and sixties are more likely to have experienced a ' least said, soonest mended ' kind of upbringing and that may make us reluctant to be open about our difficulties. That has certainly been the case for me and being honest to the point of obsession is my way of trying to come to terms with my situation.
The other point I'd like to make is when family members say they feel frustrated because there is very little they can do to help me feel better, I tell them that listening to me moan is helping as it allows me to express myself. Of course there is plenty of ' eyes glazing over ' and I realise that they are not really listening at all at times but I don't care, I go on talking! I am woman, hear me roar!
Wishing you well.
K.

[CLKD]

I have a drawer full of 'fixed grins'  ............

[Limpy]

Hello Honeybun.
I just wanted to add that I know how you feel but in this last year I have become increasingly open about how the menopause is affecting me and I mention it at the drop of a hat. My husband is tired of me talking about it but I want to be honest as I think it helps me deal with my symptoms.
Those of us who were young in the fifties and sixties are more likely to have experienced a ' least said, soonest mended ' kind of upbringing and that may make us reluctant to be open about our difficulties. That has certainly been the case for me and being honest to the point of obsession is my way of trying to come to terms with my situation.
The other point I'd like to make is when family members say they feel frustrated because there is very little they can do to help me feel better, I tell them that listening to me moan is helping as it allows me to express myself. Of course there is plenty of ' eyes glazing over ' and I realise that they are not really listening at all at times but I don't care, I go on talking! I am woman, hear me roar!
Wishing you well.
K.

Kathleen - How about just asking people to think a bit?.
To take an example, to get them to think about normal things, like putting the bins out? It's not rocket science, happens either every week (recyclable) or fortnightly (usual rubbish).
Last time I asked OH to put bins out he looked shocked and said are you not feeling good?
Strangely enough I was not. I have MS and was totally knackered, then he says are you not feeling good...........
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr but the strange thing is he's normally pretty good about such things     

[Taz2]

I think we put on a different face for different situations. We seem to be able to open and close different mind boxes and become what is needed. This is why I love going away on my own and I can just wear my own face!

Seriously though we do tend to put ourselves last for so much of our lives and it can be exhausting just keeping everyone happy. I don't know what the answer is.

Taz x

[honeybun]

Don't think there is an answer. One face for hubby, one for the kids, one for the rest of the world.

It gets tiring just trying to make out all is well when it's not.


Honeyb
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[Ju Ju]

Wow! Thank you for this post, Honeybun. I even feel I'm moaning too much when posting things on this forum!

However, in the last few years, I have learnt to be more open about things with my husband. Mind you he can't miss how I feel at the moment as I don't look my best. Along with being more assertive eg saying when you do this or that I feel...... He is far more caring, considerate and even romantic than he ever was we were young. You should never assume that anyone should automatically know how you feel or you know how other people feel. Communication is so important, so they can know how to support you, if they want to.