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[Elena]

I can only agree with what Honeybun and others have said.

If a friend told you that her husband was behaving like this what would your advice to her be?

Sorry but he sounds dreadful; controlling, self-centred and childish. 

As you say, you are an educated, assertive woman.  Why do you  now feel that you have to put up with his behaviour?

It isnt right, I'm sure you know that deep down.

[Manda]

Oof. Thank you all. I know for sure now that I understand so much better why very capable women find themselves to their astonishment with controlling men and not sure whether to leave or not. It's very nature messes with your mind....

Well, we've been to Relate this evening for the first time; it was very positive; the counsellor was good, and she quickly clocked that this is largely about his behaviour, and he seems keen to continue and progress the discussions. I know I have moved a long away away from him in the last two weeks (I'm writing about him behind his back on here, for a start! ) so I just need to see where I think I need to take myself next. It would be much easier if he wasn't here for the next fortnight and I could get my thoughts straight without having to try and engage with him, but we'll see.

Thanks, all! You're extraordinary. Sorry to take up your time. I needed to make sure this wasn't just menopause madness.

mxx

[Kathleen]

Hello Mannib.
Well done for taking such a positive step to address the problem, it's good to talk isn't it. Let us know how things progress.
Take care.
K.

[Manda]

Thank you, everyone!

mx

[Limpy]

Well done Mannib

It all sounds very positive, it's good he's getting involved with things

[Taz2]

It's great that you managed to get such a quick appointment. We have a three week waiting list for our local branch. I hope it has helped both of you to see a way forward.  He may feel the same about needing space to get his thoughts together so is there any way you could organise for one of you to stay with friends or relatives for the two weeks?

Taz

[Rowan]

Must confess I thought it was unusual to get an appointment so quickly for Relate, I know that there is a waiting list for appointments.

I hope it is the way forward for you both.

[Manda]

It was luck, really - they had a cancellation, and although not sure about maybe stirring things up the day before family visitors arrive, I suggested it and he agreed. So all good; and we have another booked next week. I am hopeful and it's def worth giving it a go. And if the chance arises for us to spend some time apart over the next month or so, I'll def suggest that too - you may well be right that he might need some time apart too.

Thanks, everyone! Hope you're having a great day, wherever you are.

mx

[Ju Ju]

Remember, no one can abuse you more than you abuse yourself. When they cross that 'line', you walk. Think about this. You deserve love and respect, from others and yourself. The most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself.

Loving unconditionally does not mean that you have to tolerate abuse. Love from afar.

[rosekay]

Mannib, I can only say what others have said - there is more than one type of abuse, and there is no reason you should submit to it.  I really hope the Relate helps, but if not - you can't waste your life in that sort of relationship, you deserve better, sister!
Rose xx

[CLKD]

Any news?

[pansypotter]

Mannib, I wonder if your partner has any form of autism [ASD] my daughter's partner is exactly the same and just cannot help his behaviour.He always promises to try [sometimes does and sometimes can't,]he's lovely at heart, but wants all her attention and everything else that you say, including the brooding rages.No easy answer, so glib stuff just wont work. You either love him and make him see the problem or leave him, hard choices I'm afraid.My daughter would leave [they have a child] if she had enough money.Even though she loves him she can't take it forever, and it won't change, so tiring.Not his fault of course, but what a life!He is charming, does a full time job and people like him, not easy to spot!

[Gypsy]

I've just read this whole thread and want to add that I hope you're able to continue with Relate and sort out your relationship. Some things (men?) are worth fighting for and it sounds like you want it to work with your guy. I hope you succeed - otherwise you really must make the painful decision of letting this one go. It will be hard - but the pain will pass and you'll feel like a huge burden has been lifted. Wishing you well.