Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Rose]

Hi Lesley, I am sure that your Mum may try to do something as it's not her that's getting the attention but here's hoping she will rein herself in. You enjoy this special day and be the beautiful mother of the bride! If by chance your mum does say/do something, ignore her even if it's hard to do it. Wishing you a great day for next Saturday!

[meno lesley]

Many thanks Rose, will keep my fingers crossed.

Lesley x

[CLKD]

Lesley - have you talked your worries through with your daughter?  Make sure that she is aware how Granny might be ..... of course their dynamics may be different.  Your Mum may 'behave' on the day but it's the not knowing ........ is she worse or better in public?

Mine is an angel in public 

[meno lesley]

I have talked to my daughter, and she has seen my mum in action so she knows what she is capable of. However, like your mum, she usually puts on a marvellous show in front of strangers.

Is your mum very manipulative? Mine plays all sorts of games with her four children.

Lesley x

[Taz2]

The term "narcissistic" is bandied around sometimes and can lose it's full meaning. It's only when you have been involved with one, either through a parent or a lover/partner, that the full horror is felt. There is a good description on this forum of a narcissistic mother http://www.psychforums.com/narcissistic-personality/topic48207.html

Taz x

[meno lesley]

Found that very interesting and most of it applied to my situation. It's very hard to get your head round sometimes. My mums behaviour has always been quite cleverly hidden until recent years where she has had "explosions of temper" in front of other members of the family.

Thank you for article Taz.

Lesley

[CLKD]

Oh yes.  I am the eldest and it was always 'don't tell your sister' .......... or 'don't let your Dad know' and sadly we blamed Dad for many issues - when she took up with another man after Dad died we could see history repeating itself  ; and as I wasn't emotionally attached this time it all became clear 

I have an ex-friend who showed her true colours about 2 years ago .......... there were signs but I didn't twigg until certain issues happened then it became clear 

[Taz2]

The sad thing is that true narcissism can not be changed. No matter how much you want the person to be a normal, loving parent or lover it just wont happen. It's a bit like thinking you can get a paraplegic to climb the stairs just by explaining to them what they need to do - it's just not possible.

Taz x

[meno lesley]

That's so true Taz, have had any conversations with my mum hoping that things may change but it never has.

Lesley x

[CLKD]

The affected person will rarely believe that they have a problem.  To them what they do or say is 'normal'.   I could write a book!

[honeybun]

I could be your co author CLKD.

It would be nice just to have a mum.


Honeyb
X

[Taz2]

It's part of the "condition" that they can't see that they are different from others. This is the sad part - there is no way of ever changing the pattern and so they are always doomed to spend their lives upsetting others and always feeling that the world is out to get them.


Taz

[CLKD]

Mine would be upset if she thought that anyone thought she wasn't as she thinks she is  - sadly my sister shows similar tendancies 

[honeybun]

My mother does a wonderful Queen Mother impression.

I have actually felt my jaw drop. She does not often show her true colours. I don't think she is a complete narcissist but definitely has leanings towards.

I actually blame my dad. She was so terribly spoiled and did not know any other way existed. She feels hard done by if she is not the centre of attention.
It has got worse as she becomes less able and more dependent.

I think the thing that bothers me the most is that if something is wrong with me or one of my family is that she is more concerned about how it will affect her.
Actually it really hurts......

Honeyb
X

[meno lesley]

Honeyb that's exactly how my mum is. My brother had a heart attack and instead of being concerned about him she took herself off to the doctors to see if her heart was ok. She didn't go to visit him as she was having a bad week x