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[bramble]

For those of you that live alone and have no partner, who do you turn to for support when you are faced with really big issues? I have a couple of really good friends (both have husbands) that I turn to but am I being a big selfish in sharing my troubles with them? Should I stand on my own two feet more and learn to cope with big issues on my own? What do you do at times when you really need someone to talk to?

Bramble

[KatieLiz]

I think having a partner or not, turning to females friends is usually the answer. 

[honeybun]

True friends are hard to find. You can choose them whereas you can't choose family.
I think that if the support is going both ways then it's ideal.

I don't have a very close female friend so I envy you yours.

Honeyb
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[Scampi]

I have a husband (and fab he is too), but he is USELESS at anything emotional (he knows this and openly admits it - he's amazing at practical problems though).  I have a close female friend and a close male friend to whom I turn if I need them, and I know they would both feel hurt, upset and a little angry if they found out I'd been struggling with something and not allowed them to share.  It works both ways though - I would be (and have been) there for them at any time if they needed me.  That's how true friendship works. 

[Lucky Stone]

My hubby is great and I have one mate I talk to from time to time, but to be honest if I feel rubbish and need to let off steam I come on here as you ladies are really helpful and supportive. I've found as I get older that I have grown away from my "old" close friends - not sure why - and I find it harder to make new ones now. Maybe it's an age thing?

[Morwenna]

What kind of 'big issues' are we talking about here Bramble? My sons and my Dad are a great support to me but I couldn't discuss 'women' problems with them. I just keep all that kind of stuff to myself. I have a couple of close friends but hardly see them as they are busy with their lives. As I've got older I find it difficult to confide in potential new friends as I don't trust anyone any more!! 

[Joyce]

As HB says true friends are hard to come by. My hubby is my best friend, but useless when it comes to menopause, so was I for that matter until I came on here. He doesn't do emotional stuff very well, in fact he struggles with it particularly earlier this year with all the stress with our youngest granddaughter. I was the one who was in bits, but managed to move on. Men don't show their emotions much as a rule.

As for your problem Bramble. If your friends are loyal & true, they will see you through any troubles you have. It doesn't matter that they're married.

[Delilah]

I think unless you can get worries out there and share them they go round and round in your head and can seem so much worse than they are. Sharing them helps get them into perspective, sometimes just writing them down seems to at least help to get them out of your head.

For me, hubbys been great although i do worry that he may get sick of hearing the same old thing again. I've got two really good female friends whoi know i can rely on and vice versa, and surprisingly my eldest son who's 31 has been marvellous. He loves a good natter and can talk for wales and has been amazingly supportive over the last 2 years.

Sometimes  though the people who you think will understand and be there are not always the ones who turn up trumps, then you find your real friends 

Delilah x

[Night_Owl]

Bramble, you're not being selfish by sharing your troubles with friends - it can be bonding.  That's what friendship is about - it's reciprocal and your friends know you're there for them too.  As the saying goes 'no man is an island', so no again you're being hard on yourself asking if you should stand on your own two feet.  We all need support.

I do know where you're coming from though - many people have never been alone or partner-less so they can't imagine how difficult it is to cope alone.

**What do you do at times when you really need someone to talk to?**

I've always leaned on a couple of very close friends - they know equally that they can 'let it all hang out' with me too - and they have done so too.  [For many years I lived alone however I'm fortunate enough now to live with my lovely partner but there are certain things I can't discuss with him as he doesn't "get" me.]  Sometimes I've rung helplines for advice.  I've joined forums, read self-help books, taken up yoga, swimming to process my emotions.  And I've had counselling (private and NHS) to get me through some very difficult times in the past.  It helps to just speak the words and get it out of the mind, as mentioned by Delilah.  Sometimes I've typed out how I'm feeling to try and sort it in my mind.  Once I visited the local Samaritans - at the time my dad was very ill and as it turned out wrongly diagnosed with liver cancer, I was like a zombie - I saw a brilliant Samaritan and we talked for 4+ hours, it helped enormously.  Out of all this though, I would say my closest friend, J, is/was the greatest support and has always helped me get things into perspective / put a positive spin on things.  If they're true friends then there is no 'burdening' as such.

Night_Owl
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