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[TillyD]

Not coping at all. I'm 44 and been on this treadmill for 3 years.
I've just changed career and I am now a secondary teacher in a boys school in south London. Try doing that job on a good day. I don't know what I was thinking.

I literally can't do this. I have a 6 year old, not a 6 year old grandchild. I don't feel free like my life is just starting, it's ending. I've done all the exciting things. I can't lose weight when I cut down my food, have no clothes that fit because I  have to buy new bras every 6 months because my breasts are now as big as they were when I was pregnant. My hair and skin ate disgusting.  I cantvremember anything, which makes my husband mad.  And if I was my husband I'd be looking for a younger model.

So, no, I am not coping. I honestly want to die

[Joyce]

 

You should go & see your GP. If he/she can't help ask for referral. You shouldn't have to carry on like this. I know I could never have coped with work.

[Clovie]

Tilly, firstly here's huge hug.

I can't help but I can relate to your post.
I too had a 6 year old at 44  I'm 49, so he's coming up to 11 now  - and I'm on this 'treadmill' as you call it too 

Are you taking HRT or not?
I started taking HRT back in November after starting with flushes, looking ba\ck I didn't realise I was perimenopausal but I was - moody, irritable, tearful, baaaaad PMT.
Well when I started with HRT it all got worse - well, better and worse!!!  , hot flushes went straight away which was great but while on the progesterone phase of the HRT my psychological symptoms have got worse!!!!
Much worse!!
I felt just like you posted - that I couldn't carry on, my life felt like it was over, felt undesirable, fat (can't manage to lose weight now like I could before either!) skin dry and horrid generally like a waste of air - mother nature is one mean bitch!!! 

Last month after being in the pits of utter despair after wanting to walk out on my hubby and kids as I was making their lives miserable with all this I was allowed to try a different progesterone called Utrogestan.
Now while I haven't felt 100% on it, I felt 95%, just a bit of general flat mood.
Strangely though, I've felt more 'flat' and 'meh' whilst just coming off it while on it?

Just wondering if you're affected similarly? Progesterone intolerant? I know its not the answer for everyone but considering I'd never heard of this intolerance before I started on HRT I think other ladies ought to be at least aware of it.
I've always been affected by hormones - PND, PMT etc so it all makes sense for me anyway.

I'm hoping for a miracle cure - there I've said it! But I know there isn't one.
Hang in there Tilly, keep chatting on here if it helps, the ladies on here are amazingly knowledgeable and supportive! xxx

[TillyD]

Oh god, aren't you lovely.
I was still having a almost regular cycle but bas symptoms until a tear ago ago. I am now on HRT and I started with utrogestan. For some weird reason I was only on it for 3 months (and feeling SO much better) and it was changed to noresthisterone. But the doc must have been right because
Slowly my periods got heavier until a week ago I had a hysteroscopy, biopsy, polyp removal plus a mirena coil. I had endometrial thickening but I don't know why. Too much oestrogen I'd have thought but who knows.

I don't know anything about intolerance. The doctor told me that some women can't take progestin but I was tolerating it he said. Although I did feel tired and depressed during that phase.

I'm totally unhappy at the moment

[Joyce]

You definitely should try and get to the bottom of this Tilly.  Someone with expert knowledge needs to tell you what is going on. Ask questions, make a list if necessary. It's your body and only you can say how it feels.

[Clovie]

Tilly, it sounds to me (I'm not medically trained in any way) that you might indeed be intolerant of the synthetic progesterones from what you've said!!!

If you felt good, or at least OK on the Utrogestan (which is a bio-identical progesterone) then felt worse on the noresthisterone (which is synthetic progesterone)  and now feel bad on the Mirena (which contains synthetic progesterone) then it all points towards intolerance?
I personally refused point blank to try a Mirena coil because I knew it contained the very stuff I have a bad intolerance to, even though my meno specialist has been trying to push it over and over. I stood my ground!!!!

Sorry, I don't know as much as some other ladies on here about this, (Hurdity, where are you?  xxx) but why did your doctor stop the Utrogestan and change you to a different progesterone instead? Was it because he said the synthetic progesterone is 'stronger' than the bio=identical?? That you needed more progesterone?

I really do hope you get to the bottom of this Tilly, feeling like that is no fun at all, I know, I've been there ((hugs))  xxx

[Liz]

I too have the symptoms of progesterone intolerance.  In fact, I had to take my oestrogen/progesterone patch off last week as I couldn't bear it any longer (I was on FemSeven Sequi as I'm peri).  I'm about to start Utrogestan this month, as my GP said it was more natural than the synthetics (so the other way around to you).  Please go back and see someone - sounds very much like Progesterone Intolerance to me.  Let us know how you get on.

[giniboz]

Tilly - if nothing else, it's good to know that you, me, all of us, are in this together.  That awful feeling of "dear God, is it only me who feels so bad that I just want to go to bed and die", is something that we have ALL been through (some of us still right there, in the middle of it...)  but I get great comfort from some of the truly wonderful comments and advice on here, and although I haven't got much to offer you, (because I am in much the same boat as your good self), reading these comments and replies makes me feel surrounded by support, makes me feel strong and capable of coping, and altogether much better.

Hang on in there - it can't last forever, and my older girlfriend says that when you come out the other side, you feel blimmin' fantastic!  Libido returns  , energy, zest for life, all that good stuff.

Here's hoping!

P x

[Joyce]

Hang on in there - it can't last forever, and my older girlfriend says that when you come out the other side, you feel blimmin' fantastic!  Libido returns  , energy, zest for life, all that good stuff.

Here's hoping!

Ah now that would be good!

[Taz2]

Pixieboots - can I ask what age your girlfriend was when she was out the other side? Just wondering how long I have to wait.... 

Taz x

[TillyD]

My mum is 70 and still having hot flushes so I'm not looking forward to the next 30 years very much

I don't understand why I was changed off utrogestan. I wasn't told and at the time I was just so pathetically grateful that I had found a doctor that wanted to help me feel better that I just did what he said. I do remember he said something about needing something stronger but why I needed something stringer is a mystery.

I had to go to a diff cons for the surgery because Doc1 doesn't do surgery any more. Both Doc1 and 2 (surgeon) agreed on mirena. But by then of course I had built up a thickened lining. Which I think is due to too much oestrogen.

But hey, what do I know. I have lost all my fight now. Doc2 write to my GP and said that she believed that I would prefer a low mood caused by a mirena to the PMS symptoms u had from noresthisterone. Shame she didn't ask me what my opinion was.

But seriously, I can't fight or argue any more. They don't listen. And I was told I was at "the end of the line" of HRT with no more options available to me. That's why I want to die. There's no help any more

[Clovie]

Tilly!
You must not give up!!!
You are FAR from the end of the road with HRT 
There IS help 

First things first - it is YOUR decision to make on what you take at the end of the day - not anyone else's!
(I too was told by my GP initially after trying 2 lots of HRT and suffering on the prog phase that "I'm afraid HRT doesn't suit you and it 's onto herbal preparations for you then" )

I persevered and got an NHS clinic apt even though it was 20 mile away, but was prepared, and still am prepared to go private in order to save my sanity and my marriage if needs be!!

If you ask and absolutely can't be referred to a specialist clinic, or a different one for a second opinion as it were, then go private for a one-off consultation if you have to, if you want the Mirena out, get it taken out  , it's YOUR choice, get advice on what the correct dose/duration of Utrogestan for your situation would be and get a prescription!!  At least get another opinion - and at least SEE if the Utrogestan (at the correct dose for your needs?) makes you feel better again!! 

I was in your situation mood wise not so long ago (do a search on my old threads and you'll see how desperate I was ) I was so low that I was told that in the worst case scenario I could go without prog altogether and be monitored for build up, was also told about ablation(?) and hysterectomy, I know these are drastic but really - what I'm trying to say is - you don't need to carry on feeling like this, honestly! ((hugs))
I'm sure someone can find a regime that works for you! 


Which area are you in?
Have you used the Find A Specialist facility on here?
Hang in there, we are here for you xxx

[Hurdity]

Hi TillyD


So sorry to hear about the miserable time you are having.

You will almost certainly have been given norethisterone ( and the Mirena) to treat your thickened womb lining and as I think I said on another post - this is caused by too much oestrogen that has not been opposed by progesterone. The polyp would have added to the heavy bleeding I imagine. I'm not saying you don't need the oestrogen - it just needs to have sufficient progesterone to prevent the build-up.

I think I said in the past that progesterone (ie our own - bio-identical one) is much weaker than the synthetic progestogens and especially norethisterone but there are other ways to deal with your thickened lining and if you are progesterone intolerant I would suggest you look at these.

Please read the article Perils of the Perimenopause on this site here:

http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/article-perils-of-the-perimenopause.php

Also the treatments for heavy periods apart from progestogens:
http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/heavyperiods.php
http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/periodtreatments.php

Here is the main physical method other than hysterectomy Fron the info above):

   Surgical treatments-Endometrial ablation or resection. Your doctor may suggest, assuming the womb lining is normal or only has small fibroids, that you undergo a procedure which will ablate the womb lining. This can be performed under either a local or general anaesthetic as a day case procedure in hospital. The intention is to make the periods very much lighter and many women will find their periods go away, or at least are significantly reduced.

Go and see your doc and get referred to a specialist again and tell them your problems, how depressed you are and about your job, and that it is urgent, so that you can get the Mirena removed and be treated as soon as possible - if this is what you choose.

Note the reason your skin and hair are bad may well be due to the fact that the progestogen in Mirena is one of the androgenic type so can lead to spots, lank hair - so I understand.

After ablation you still need to use progestogen but much smaller doses and you could go back to the Utrogestan. You could start another thread on this (ablation) and see if others have had it.

There is an alternative and you do not have to suffer! If necessary book a phone consultation with Dr Currie - and hope she is available when you are not teaching. They must listen. Are you able to go privately to jump the queue - but really you should be seen urgently - and can your husband or someone else go with you to make sure something is done soon.

Hope this helps and take care of yourself

Hurdity  x

PS clovie I see we posted more or less the same time so looks like I've repeated some of what you've said but we agree on a lot of it!!

[Shula]

Tilly, I'm sorry things are difficult for you right now, but please don't give up. Clovie and Hurdity have given some great advice, but it also sounds like you need a little breathing space, so I'd really consider asking your GP to sign you off until the end of term. x

[CLKD]

If you feel really ill then phoning the Samaritans or asking to see your Practice Nurse might ease your feelings.  Being somewhere safe is important.  How are you this morning?