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[lily]

 [quote author=grumpy2008 link=topic=21494.msg326629#msg326629 date=13661303

 I've been on various breast cancer forums and read many other people's experiences... but (and this might change with time) I don't feel part of it. First thing I said to my hubby when I was diagnosed was that it 'wasn't me', that I'm not part of that 'club' and don't want to feel in any way a 'victim'. Not that anyone in my situation should feel a victim of course... it was just my reaction to being treated with sympathy, being counselled, being made the focus of all that medical attention simply because the 'C' word was being used. Does this make any sense? I want to read around and educate myself but I'm not ready to be involved  .

I hope it's ok to keep coming here and talking about it? I know it's not directly meno related, but my hormones have had a lot to do with it, and for me it's all part of my own peri-menopause journey.

I'm still taking time to make my decision regarding further surgery, although I know in my gut which way I'll probably go...
[/quote]

You are indeed an inspiration grumpy and I really admire the way you are thinking and dealing with this.    I totally understand the not wanting to feel a victim as when anything is wrong with us, we go for treatment to have it fixed and that is what you are doing.  If it was me, I'd like to think I could be in that frame of mind too, but I do think that I would have to have the reconstruction in order to be able to move on from it.  You don't have to ask if it's okay to come on here and talk about it, it helps everyone who will ever go through this and we all want to support you as much as you need it.   

[grumpy2008]

Trey, CLKD, lily... I'm so glad you understand my feelings... I worried after I posted that it might not make sense to anyone. But we're all dealing with our own experiences, and although I've been fairly open about what's happening to me, I'm taking ownership of it just now. I'm desperate to stay positive and since I tend to absorb other people's problems far too easily, it's best for me to do my 'research' about breast cancer at a distance.

Trey, I've had a few reactions to my diagnosis that have irritated me... but I remind myself that the intention is always good and we all deal with things in different ways... so I smile and nod and that's all lol. You know what's best for you and you will manage to plod through, as you say 

[CLKD]

It was those who suggested that I ought to alter my diet or up my exercise regimes as the news filtered through the village   ....... but I believe that my cancer was laid down long before I could take control of my diet, in fact as a recovering anorexic who knows how much my bad eating habits led to my cells splitting.  But I don't know, don't care, got on with diagnosis/treatment/after care  . 

It also amazed me at how many women I knew locally who had been/were going through/or were diagnosed within the 18 months of my own diagnosis  - and we each dealt with our disease separately and were up-beat when we met in the street. 

 

[grumpy2008]

Mastectomy scheduled for Wednesday. I believe I'm doing the right thing but I'm scared as heck all the same .

My holistic therapist (who has become more of a friend over the years) has armed me with homeopathic arnica tablets, which the breast cancer nurse said a lot of women take and find good for bruising. I do bruise easily so that side of things really worries me.

It'll be day surgery as expected... though it will take place in the morning this time so more time on the ward before they kick me out (with drain attached).

I feel numb again  . Fed up with the whole bloomin' saga. I just couldn't face another lumpectomy only to find they still hadn't got it all... just need to get it over and done with now... 

[grumpy2008]

Almost forgot, histology results showed that the tumour is extremely sensitive to oestrogen (top of the scale). Why am I not surprised?!

CLKD - please don't beat yourself up about eating habits and so on (though it feels impossible not to go looking for reasons). The more I read, the more it seems to be down to some predisposition which might be very subtle, plus a massive helping of bad luck  . It really is rotten...

[Limpy]

Lots of (gentle) hugs Grumpy

 

[Meggie]

Hi Grumpy

I hope all goes well with your surgery.  As I read through your post I hope, should I ever be in the same shoes, I'd be as brave as all on this forum who have progressed through this type of medical trauma.

I will be thinking about you and watching out for postings, when you are able.

Meggie 

[lily]

All the best for Wednesday grumpy, hope you make a speedy recovery - buy yourself some nice smelling things, books, music and soft clothing to help you recuperate and celebrate that the disease will all be gone. 

[honeybun]

All the best from me too.

I will be thinking of you and sending positive thoughts for a swift recovery.

Honeyb
X

[Trey]

Ah Grumpy, I think you've made the right decision.  I know that's what all the doctor's wives chose where I worked at a well known teaching hospital.  Think about Thursday becoming the day the road starts back up to happier times.  You deserve a break and good things to happen- your OH too, as it must be hard on him as well.

[grumpy2008]

I'm at the point now where I just want the whole procedure over and done with!

I'm on antibiotics - turns out I have an infection in the wound, which seeped out overnight . I spent an unpleasant couple of hours in clinic this morning having it drained but it seems to have filled up again already. So fed up. I'm just hoping the antibiotic will kick in soon.

Thanks again for all your support. You are helping me get through this   

[CLKD]

Is the Consultant aware of this development?  I would give the Hospital a ring, you have a low immune system so don't want to be in the range of any other nasties that lurk in Hospital corridors  .  A phone call for advice would be my first move.

Once you have had the operation you can feel that you have got the cancer out and away, then you can concentrate on resting and allowing the body to heal.  What support will you have once home?

[grumpy2008]

CLKD, I'm going to see my GP later and see what she advises. I've also spoken to my own breast cancer nurse, and there's a drop in clinic (with my surgeon) that I can go along to in the morning. I also wondered about the safety of surgery/hospital while I'm at a low ebb. It was mentioned this morning that I could be given antibiotics during the surgery itself  .

I feel quite swollen and sore again now.

My better half will be looking after me. He's taking some extended time off work, and I'm planning to organise a sicknote for time off from my job. Onwards and upwards...

[Greyhoundgal]

Wish you all the best for Wednesday - hope it all goes well.

[CLKD]

Sending you both a gentle hug. I found after surgery that any wounds took longer to heal by about 4-5 weeks  - this went on for about 9 months.  The initial wound was OK, but little scratches/bruising seemed to hang around, probably because my immune system was knocked.  Starved from mid-night then?