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[lesley998]

Hi all.  Just wondering if anyone can give me some advice.   Will try to cut a long story short.

My elder sister lives about 100 miles from me.  Her husband has secondary progressive MS and is bed ridden, still lives at home and has care provided almost 24 hours for feeding, changing, and occasionally overnight.  She works part time.  She also has a 21 year old son who lives at home. 

For the last six years she has suffered with periods of manic highs and depressive lows.  These are getting worse.  When she is manic, she denies there is anything wrong and will not discuss it.   When she is low, she will not talk to anyone and hides herself away - will not answer the phone, but does send me an occasional reply to my texts.   It is subsequently very difficult to know what treatment she is being given, she just will not talk about it at all.   I know very little about her medication although I believe she was on ecitalopram for a while.   I know she has seen a psychiatrist and obviously her GP knows what it going on. 

The thing is, this time my nephew has been in touch to say she is the worst he has ever seen her and he does not know what to do. Her illness is putting a huge strain on him.  She has shut herself away in her room for days on end, only coming out to occasionally eat and drink.  She is not going to her part time job.  I expect the carers have noticed but I don't know what they would do in the circumstances. I have asked him to give me the number of the local GP, in the thought that I might ring them and ask for some sort of help for her. I have also rung a couple of her friends who say that they have not seen her for weeks and she will not speak to anyone.

Can anyone tell me what they would do in the circumstances?  Should she be hospitalised, or even sectioned for her own safety?  I am currently caring for my elderly parents, one who has alzheimers, and it is hard to get time to go down  - I tried last time she had a low episode, and she just sat in the kitchen and would hardly speak to me.   I really am at a loss as to what to do, wondering if any one has any phyche background and can give me some advice.

thanks
lesley 

[English Rose]

Hi lesley
So sorry to hear about your sister and all the stress your family seem to be under.
I think your suggestion to contact her GP is a good one - maybe she needs someone like a Community Psychiatric Nurse to go out and assess her, which I think the GP should be able to arrange.  I guess that would have to wait until Monday though.  Otherwise there are charities like MIND that may be able to help, or give you advice.
Hope that is of some small help - all the best, ER x

[Limpy]

Sorry to hear about your sister and her family situation, it would be very difficult for anybody to cope with.

Contacting her GP sounds helpful. Does your nephew have the same GP, is he in a position to make contact?
They might be more helpful if the request comes from one of their existing patients.
Of course, he is a 21 year old male, and might not feel confident / happy about contacting the GP.

You mention her husband has carers coming in for his MS, could they flag the situation with the GP or Surgery?
This is just thinking out loud, I don't know whether this is the sort of thing they do.

I would think contacting her GP has got to be the best way to go, however it's done.

All the best

[Elena]

I really hope the GP can help with this but I know when I wanted help for my mum the GP could not send anyone out to see her unless she asked for help.  I hope things have moved on since then but the whole patient confidentiality thing is a big barrier in cases like this.

I really feel for your nephew

[honeybun]

We have a friend who is bi polar. It cost him his job and family before he got a diagnosis.

I know that is not very cheery but when they got him on proper treatment he got his life back.

There is hope and help for her but she has to get it before she will get better.

I know you are a long way away but you may have to go and get them sorted. Arrange to meet the GP at the house perhaps.
It's difficult but it's a lot for a young man to take on.
It sounds like a cry for help.

I know you have a lot to deal with but it sounds like there is no one else.

She will get better but not until she starts getting treatment.

Honeyb
X

[Taz2]

Could you get some advice from here http://www.bipolaruk.org.uk/
Taz x

[lesley998]

Just back from a round trip to see her. I couldn't just sit here with my nephew so worried.  She is not great but I don't think she is about to do anything...was really worried as she once told me she had thought about throwing herself off the road bridge     Have asked her to get help but tbh it is like banging my head off a wall trying to get anything back from her.  I told her I was going to call the GP, and she agreed to make her own appointment...probably just to shut me up.  I wanted to just bundle her up and bring her back with me but home situation makes that difficult...she still has to be there for her husband and he cant be moved easily.    Have told nephew I am at the end of the phone day and night. I don't know what else to do, or who to ask for help.  Thanks all for advice...taz, great link, thanks for that.  Night all.

[CLKD]

My Dad suffered from age 17.  It was HELL to live with and very frightening.  In your situation I would ask your GP for advice, he/she needs to have a health up-date on both even if there are carers going in.  He can then make a visit if necessary with a Psychiatrist to the home, or a Communicty Psychiatric Nurse - if they still exist?  Also there may be a friends group at their/your local hospital associated with depressive illness who could chat with you, also the MIND charity may have a group close to you.  Again for advice and support for you.

Your Nephew also needs to talk with the family GP so that he is aware of what is available.  I wasn't aware that this condition can begin at any time of life, maybe there is an underlying factor? 

You have enough on *your* plate  so getting advice from 'your end' will help.  You then have advice to pass to your nephew, does he work which will enable him to get away for a few hours.  ?

[Elena]

That was good of you Lesley, at least you've seen her with your own eyes now.  Your nephew must feel relieved by your visit too.

Hope you can get some joy from the GP, as you say she probably was just saying that to shut you up. 

[CLKD]

You cannot rely on someone with un-diagnosed manic depression (I refuse to call it 'bi' polar because bi means 2 and the sufferer goes through many phases  ) ........ they will say what they know the person wants to hear  ....... let us know how you get on!

[Taz2]

i didn't realise your dad had this CLKD.

Taz x

[CLKD]

Yep.  His father was an alcoholic/gambler with a fierce temper.  Not easy to decide whether Dad's temper was a learnt pattern.  However his manic spells of intense working 24/7 and a very inventive mind; followed by weeks of lows when he cried all the while and was hardly able to move ..... and to think, I told him that more exercise would help  - my depression didn't begin until my mid-20s.  Only medication would help.  Dad however, when well, didn't realise or accept that he needed drugs to keep him more stable.  He would threaten not to take it and Mum would then panic ....... they wound each other up over his illness both being control freaks <sigh>

There is help out there!  But try not to believe that this is 'your fault' if the person affected doesn't do/act/say what you expect them to or the opposite - if they do stuff you don't think they ought to.  The manic spells can cause intense agitation so that they need to be on the move, Dad would walk for hours as a young man apparently. 

[Taz2]

I have a friend with this and she is the same although she is much more stable now. She still has times when she is manic and does dreadful things and it can take a while to trace her as she just goes off. Her children are very patient with her now that they are grown up.

Taz x

[CLKD]

When my obsessive side took over I wasn't aware of the signs, I was on the go trying to solve the World's problems until the spell stopped - DH began to use particular spoken phrases and I learned to listen to those so that I knew I was 'off' again.  Now I can recognise it though have been a bit obsessive this weekend ........ (another thread)

[Taz2]

Do you mean that you have bi-polar or manic depression if you prefer or are you sort of hovering on the brink? The people I know who have been diagnosed with it are on really strong medication which they have to take every day and can then lead a sort of normal life. I don't remember you mentioning this before - only your depression and anxiety although I may have missed it knowing my brain

Taz x