Great news Spadger - little steps.
Great idea Pennyfarthing. I hope you find a solution to your own problems too.
Fx
Sadly, I don't think I will find a solution. You can't communicate with somebody who will not speak to you can you? A few years ago I organised a surprise party for Mum and Dad's Diamond Wedding and spent ages composing letters to both brothers. I wanted the whole family to attend and had invited family from abroad too.
I was pleased with the letter and said that I was planning this surprise party and it was taking place in 6 months time (so they had plenty of notice). I said that they could invite who they liked, just to let me know for catering reasons. I also said any practical help on the day would be great. One brother did contact me and was helpful on the day. The brother (who is currently not speaking to me) and his wife never even replied.
On the day everybody (about 100 people) was there except this brother & wife and son and we all shared the surprise which was fab. They came in about 20 minutes late having missed all that and sat there looking like a pair of snobs. Later on I thanked them for coming and said it was such a shame they missed the surprise (Mum and Dad just thought they were going for a drive out) and my brother said "we had friends over, you know how it is." I couldn't help myself, I politely said "No, actually I don't. Nothing or nobody would be more important that M & D's Diamond Wedding and you have known about this for 6 months."
Poor old Dad was so pleased that they'd turned up and obviously thought this was to be a fresh start but it wasn't. He did comment that they turned up late - well everyone noticed them coming in late actually and a few other people commented. I think they did that because they knew it would upset M & D if they didn't show and it would emerge that they had been invited but refused. So they made a big thing of being late and sitting there looking bored stiff whilst everybody else was having a great time.