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[SweetP]

After months and months of moaning and groaning about my lack of interest in sex (although not ALL the time), my partner of 8 years has just dumped me.

Given some time... I think it will be the best thing he has done for me.  Pig!

Chin up Farmer.  Mine was the same, totally selfish and self obsessed to the bitter end.  As a result it was the end.......of us....!

I am no longer walking on egg shells in case he kicks off and blames me for everything under the sun because I have no interest in sex.   I can now breathe!!!! Best thing he's done by far.

[Elena]

Well there's a big divide here between partners who sound absolutely bloody marvellous and those who sound total tosspots!

My partner is a very practical man so does any stuff I ask of him regarding car maintenance/house etc but he isnt into understanding emotions much.As for cooking and ironing, forget it!!!

 He will go down and put the dog out at 3am though, bless him and he's good for a cuddle   I guess he falls somewhere  between the 2 extremes.

[Spadger]

It seems reading through some of these posts that it is the case Milliemoo that husbands are either at one end of the spectrum or the other!  I feel very blessed that I have one of the good ones, and I am so very grateful for that.  Some days I hate how I am being and don't know how he tolerates me - when questioned recently he said he'd had me ages and wouldn't swap me (even for a good set of golf clubs) so lucky me

[Machair]

My husband is why I am here- he has made my life complete and has given me 4 beautiful children. He was there when I lost one of the twins in the womb and when I had a miscarriage and he is here now. He has helped me in so many ways- even making me a mathematical representation of my period pattern to stop me going in sane! We met at school and haven't had one argument in 35 years. I consider myself to be very lucky.

[lady57]

Machair i can feel your devotion to your husband in your post. We also met at school and have been married 36 years i am also very lucky indeed 

[Silly]

Well there's a big divide here between partners who sound absolutely bloody marvellous and those who sound total tosspots!

My partner is a very practical man so does any stuff I ask of him regarding car maintenance/house etc but he isnt into understanding emotions much.As for cooking and ironing, forget it!!!

 He will go down and put the dog out at 3am though, bless him and he's good for a cuddle   I guess he falls somewhere  between the 2 extremes.

Hi Milliemoo,

Your Husband sounds identical to mine regarding the cooking etc but is great with diy.  Mine too doesn't understand emotions and I am sure he has got worse as he has got older, my Daughter has noticed as well. He has got worse with listening to me though.

Mine falls in between the two.  I don't think anyone else would put up with me to be honest, I think he deserves a medal, as we had our 25th anniversary this August so I do hope he isn't going anywhere.

G Girl.

[bettyboo22]

 ::)I cant think what my husband has done to be supportive
no affection the kisses have stoped completely not many hugs
i think its all about hime no sex no kisses or affection
but i cant have sex im not interested too dry and it hurts
and i just dont feel the same that is why im thinking about hrt
and see how that goes for me
its very difficult for me because i dont have any relatives to talk to
about things and not many friends so any comments help would be appreciated .
Thanks bettyboo22 

[MissKitty]

Firstly, my partner has Aspergers at the high functioning end, which you would think would make him a nightmare with empathy and emotions etc around perimenopause - actually the truth is very different.

He has been very understanding and supportive for as long as the horrible stuff has been going on. He is patient and understanding with the mood swings and night sweats and insomnia. Yes, it is a bind and he feels it but he fully understands that I don't do any of it on purpose.

We have our own issues around affection and intimacy (not the sexual kind) but actually I think this has made him realise even more how important stuff life that is for an NT person.

He doesn't get cross with me and listens and tries to find information for me - all in all he does what he can.

I know I'm very lucky in that respect.

x

[LindaMiles]

My partner who is 20yrs my junior has been so amazing and understanding, he held me when I cried. supported me when I thought I was mad with symptoms that I couldn't understand, did not make me feel bad when I didn't want to make love due to vaginal atrophy (on vagifem my 3rd week) I couldn't of coped without him being there and his mother warned him about an older menopausal woman and its issues which was 7 years ago but he din't run and has no intentions of leaving as its now hitting hard, he knows we can get through this together and there is help out there for me.

So without him I wouldn't have had the strength to talk to my GP and find a site like this which now i understand what was happening and that there is help out there. I feel very very lucky to have him.

[Tabbycat]

My OH is very understanding, but he really made me (unintentionally!) laugh yesterday when he asked "how long does the menopause last?"

I really didn't know what to tell him.

[silver]

told me to stop telling myself i'm fat, tired, old - he loves me whatever 

[Rose]

Hey Bettyboo, you are not alone, I've got the same husband. No hugs/kisses even when sex was a 'maybe' but now it's 'a definitely not', he's just doesn't make an effort. I asked him the other week if he liked my new skirt and got a ten min lecture on 'why clothes don't matter to him as he was poor growing up'. He doesn't get that it's not about my skirt, it's having him acknowledge that I am still attractive and need to be told. I really try to look good for myself as much as for anyone else. I feel there is such a distance between us. He works away during the week, so I wrote him an email telling him that I'd like it to be a 'win-win' situation and really poured my heart out. Nothing. No mention of receiving message and when I asked him, he said 'oh that, we'll talk some other time'. he's got his head in the sand and for the life of me I don't know why I bother except that my disability (back problems) means I am financially dependant on him. I am in Oz and can't just pack up and go home to Ireland as 4 of my kids are here. I sound like a right moan 

[bev567901]

As I am not going out at the mo he is doing all the shopping & going to work late & coming home early to take the kids to school & bring them home again. He has also helped me out with the kids a lot more & done things he had never tackled before like the dreaded teeth cleaning. He even cooked some sausages very well last week!  Its a two way thing though he has always suffered from low moods & taken himself off only for me to rant over him lying on the sofa how selfish he is & to get up & go & cut the lawn or something. I can now relate & understand why it was best to leave him alone & not make him feel guilty for not being a good parent etc. I can now see how an 8 yr old & a 9 yr old can be pretty challenging to someone feeling vulnerable. It used to wash over me completely & I thought he was stange to be so untolerant. Its been a revelation & made us much closer. I am not at the mood swing stage of meno yet though maybe when I start shouting at him for no reason he will get frightened! I have a funny feeling that won't happen though the more irregular my periods have got the less I have felt the pmt anger. Its the anxiety & physical symptoms that have me floored. B x

[Alison M London]

Like Miss Kitty my husband has high functioning Aspergers and has been really supportive since I showed him the info on this site. Some men prefer to hear from 'experts' rather we who are close to them and perhaps confuse them with our behaviour so they withdraw? He accepts it is happening and is being calm!
Getting him to read about it has totally changed his attitude.

[Ju Ju]

Unconditional love and kindness, mugs of tea, hugs, telling me I'm beautiful ( even though I find that hard to believe) and accepting my love.