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[Pennyfarthing]

I took my mum back last night and she looked so much better than when I picked her up on Friday night.  I had a chance to really see how she is 24/7 and it's obvious to us all that she needs help at home. It takes her over an hour to get up and dressed in the morning and then by the time she's had breakfast and a little sit down she's ready for a sleep again!  Her legs are very weak and I have told her she must use her stick in the house now.  She nearly slid off the bed here trying to get dressed so I have cleared the otterman in her bedroom of clutter and she must now use that.

When I left her I reminded her that social services would be contacting me to say when someone can call each day and help her get dressed, washed etc. And of course check she is OK.  She says my 2 brothers and SIL won't be happy because when I arranged for her to have a cleaner they said she shouldn't have people in "nosing around".  I was furious and said "right then! Tell them to be at your house every morning at 7am and get you out of bed and supervise your shower, put your bra on you (she finds that really hard), stockings, clothes and then take you down and make breakfast."  She recognises that she really needs this help to conserve her energy for the rest of the day and she wants the reassurance that someone will be checking on her that she hasn't fallen in the night.

They make me SO angry!!  They only ever see her when she might be sitting comfortably on her sofa reading a magazine and looking OK they don't see what I've seen this weekend when she's standing like a giraffe trying to keep upright!

[CLKD]

Your Mum has to take responsibility for allowing them to put her ideas down, she needs to learn that it's OK for her to say mind your own b….y business, this is what I need right now and this is how it will be done!

[Pennyfarthing]

Your Mum has to take responsibility for allowing them to put her ideas down, she needs to learn that it's OK for her to say mind your own b….y business, this is what I need right now and this is how it will be done!

Too late  for that I'm afraid CLKD.  She should have been firmer years ago.  I think she will stick to her guns on this (because she knows she is so unsteady) but she won't say anything to upset them.  I was telling my friend about this today and she says "sounds to me like they don't want her spending her money so there's less left for them." 

They've got a shock coming because I am persuading her to buy a proper chair that lifts you up to get out .... She couldn't get off our sofa, the chairs in the summerhouse or even my hubby's recliner ... Without a struggle.  It's not a luxury, it's now a necessity unless they want her falling down again. She's also got a man coming to measure up for vertical blinds in her downstairs rooms because her others are all cracked and brittle and she can't close them properly.

[Pennyfarthing]

This is so frustrating, Pennyfarthing! To fight old age issues is tough but having to deal with uncooperative family is even worse.

ITs not right is it Menomale?  It's frustrating, hurtful and makes me so annoyed.

[Pennyfarthing]

Make sure your mum gets her Attendance Allowance if she isn't already getting it Pennyfarthing - she will certainly qualify for it and it does help.

Thank you Stella. She does already get that and pays for her cleaner from that which costs £20 a week. I have explained to her that she can pay for her carer from the rest of that but will probably have to top it up a bit. 

[grumpy2008]

I can feel everyone's frustration with their family & circumstances in this thread    At least we all know we're not alone... 

The saga of Aunt and Uncle continues. We popped into the care home briefly this afternoon, to see how Uncle was doing. Aunt was there (again). Uncle was getting around fine with his frame, but not very communicative and displaying some odd behaviours... such as insisting on sitting on the edge of his bed and leaning back into nothing, and just staying there like that despite our suggestions he'd more comfortable in the (empty) chair! Aunt was then giving him leaflets to read(!) and all the time he was half sat/half lay down. Trouble is, Aunt can't see what's happening because of her partial blindness, which we now think is worse than she's telling people.

So this evening Aunt rings us demanding the phone number of the social worker (which she already has) because she wants Uncle home again asap. He's unhappy there she says, and it's making him worse. There's truth in this of course, but I suspect he's actually deteriorating.

OH will speak to the care worker himself tomorrow too and go from there. I want to pull back a bit... their home is unsafe, has no downstairs loo and not much floor space, and sadly it might take another crisis. At the very least, they need care in place before Uncle goes home. It's getting very difficult now.

Feels good to write it down... thanks!

[CLKD]

How about a 'wheeled walker' PF? Apparently some have a tray which means users can make a cuppa and then take it where they want to go. Also a commode chair for the bedroom is invaluable if it's placed near the bed. [suggested by a friend who knows about these assistance aids ;-) ].  I am aware of non-slip surfaces (we use them in the camper to stop bags moving around the floor space) as well as non-tip cups and saucers but never worked how they don't tip  .

The non-slip surfaces can be cut to size.  Good camping shops sell rolls of the stuff 

[Pennyfarthing]

How about a 'wheeled walker' PF? Apparently some have a tray which means users can make a cuppa and then take it where they want to go. Also a commode chair for the bedroom is invaluable if it's placed near the bed. [suggested by a friend who knows about these assistance aids ;-) ].  I am aware of non-slip surfaces (we use them in the camper to stop bags moving around the floor space) as well as non-tip cups and saucers but never worked how they don't tip  .

The non-slip surfaces can be cut to size.  Good camping shops sell rolls of the stuff 

Thanks for all the tips CLKD.  I think a wheeled walker will be next or a Zimmer frame on wheels ... Is that the same thing?  pretty sure she wouldnt use a commode though. Space is tight in her bedroom and if I put a commode on the other side of her bed then it would only be a couple more steps to her toilet.

She was quite chirpy tonight and looking forward to a visit tomorrow morning from the man who will supply her new vertical blinds. She got a lift to and from her luncheon club today and had a "lovely salad with new potatoes followed by icecream."  she said the salad was as good as any you would get in a top hotel!!!   God I love phone calls like this, where she's OK, chirpy and I can go to bed without worrying. 

[CLKD]

Nope.  If you look on a 'mobility aid' website you'll see lots of ideas ;-)

[CLKD]

Mum has the raised toilet, so I'm practicing 

[Pennyfarthing]

All those aids can be supplied free of charge for someone on attendance allowance.  My mum sampled the entire collection!

The wheeled walker with tray was interesting. Sounds so simple doesn't it? However, there were lots of incidents getting said walker over the doorbar between kitchen and living room - spilled drinks and all that - and it was soon relegated to the garden shed!

The items mum did find useful were her non wheeled zimmer frame with net bag attached, which enabled her to move small items from room to room, and the raised toilet seat frame which enabled her to get on and off the loo without being afraid of falling.

Gosh - lots to look forward to in old age isn't there?

Mum has a raised toilet seat from when she had her knee op. We returned all the other perching stool, wheeled things, frames etc but they didn't want this back.

[Pennyfarthing]

Absolutely frazzled tonight. Left here at 12.15 and got back about 6.  Collected mum, drove her to hospital for chest X-ray (don't know why but GP booked it).  Bought her a sausage roll and tea in cafe there. Then she announced she wanted new bras so we went to our usual really old fashioned lingerie shop and the assistant sorted her out with a pull on bra as she finds them hard to put on now. 

I have been looking into recline and rise chairs for her as she has to bounce herself about 6 times with legs wide apart to get off any of her chairs or sofa. Went and test drove a few  and ended up persuading her to buy one for £800 but it's lovely and she can operate it and gets out of it beautifully. I hadn't realised there was so much involved but the salesman explained that she only needed a petite chair and if it's too big she will slouch and won't be able to touch the floor. As soon as we got outside she was worrying about what my horrible brother and his wife would say.  I said that its her money, none of their business and her safety is more important that anything.  She said "what will I tell them if they ask how much it cost" I said "do you ask them how much any of their stuff costs?"  she said she wouldn't dream of it so I told her to say "enough."   

Anyway, she says the chair is SO comfy, she'll be safe and it's being delivered on Tuesday. 

Then we went and did her weekly shop and then I took her home. Then I drove home and finally got to sit down for our meal about 7.00. 

[CLKD]

As they don't visit Pennyfarthing, what's the real problem?  Does your Mum need to tell them anything?  Or do they have some kind of 'hold' on her  .  'enough' should be sufficient!

[Pennyfarthing]

As they don't visit Pennyfarthing, what's the real problem?  Does your Mum need to tell them anything?  Or do they have some kind of 'hold' on her  .  'enough' should be sufficient!

Oh they do visit .... Just for about 10 minutes!  MY brother pops in if he's working in the area and Mum makes him coffee while he reads her paper, then he's gone.  His wife doesn't drive but sometimes they come over to the shop near Mum because they have no shop in their village and they might pop in for a few minutes.

[CLKD]

Maybe see whether they notice