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[Pennyfarthing]

I'm very proud of my Mum. 20 odd years ago she collapsed at a friend's funeral, one of 4 funerals in 2 weeks, including her brother's. What was diagnosed as extreme grief was later found to be a stroke. She was not allowed to go to any more funerals other than my sister's and that tranquillised and supervised by us all. The wife of this original friend has just died after years suffering from dementia. Mum is going to say a few words at her memorial service in recognition of their friendship over more than 60 years. As she cannot walk to the front of the church, they have arranged to bring a microphone to her. I'm not worried about her doing this as they lost this friend slowly over several years. Mum will be 89 next Sunday. As she doesn't get out much, this is courageous.

That is very brave of her.  Hope she copes OK.

My Mum has lost so many elderly friends and neighbours in the last couple of years. She is a very emotional person and gets really upset so I have tried to dissuade her from going to funerals although I tell her I will take her if she's adamant she wants to go. We talked about it a lot and agreed that you can just sit at home quietly and remember someone rather than going to the funeral itself. 

She is almost relieved now that she has made the decision not to attend funerals anymore.  She has even told me that I don't need to go to her funeral when the time comes if I feel it will be too upsetting.

[Ju Ju]

I think she will cope. They lost this friend years ago through the dementia, so said goodbye gradually and see this as a release for her. She's not going to the actual funeral.

Yes, it's hard losing friends and relatives. All her siblings have died. The price of living to such an age, sadly. They always kiss each goodnight in case one of them doesn't wake up. Sounds morbid, but mum nearly died last year. She told me that she cried while waiting for the ambulance as she thought she was dying, but my Dad held her and told her that this was the next great adventure. I think that's beautiful.

[Pennyfarthing]

I think she will cope. They lost this friend years ago through the dementia, so said goodbye gradually and see this as a release for her. She's not going to the actual funeral.

Yes, it's hard losing friends and relatives. All her siblings have died. The price of living to such an age, sadly. They always kiss each goodnight in case one of them doesn't wake up. Sounds morbid, but mum nearly died last year. She told me that she cried while waiting for the ambulance as she thought she was dying, but my Dad held her and told her that this was the next great adventure. I think that's beautiful.

That is beautiful and I think your Dad is correct.

[SadLynda]

How did she get on Juju?  lovely thing with your parents.

All stable with mine, this week is heart monitor appointment with Mum and Blue Badge assesment for Dad.  We have a community matron and heart nurse that both visit Mum regularly so happy with her care now.

[CLKD]

Phew!  Thanks for the update. 

[grumpy2008]

I'm kind of sad this thread's still here (I last posted on page 25), although it's not unexpected of course... there are so many of us with elderly relatives to consider.

My dad's living in a care home now, and has dementia. We supported him living at home for about 10 years, and got increasingly worried about him, but it took a crisis for things to change (he had a fall while out shopping and broke his shoulder). Thankfully we'd managed to put the power of attorney in place just before it happened!

Such a difficult journey and my heart goes out to anyone in a similar situation 

[Ju Ju]

I've been given power of attorney, both financial and health, long with my DH and dd, for both my parents. Has your dad settled in OK in the care home, grumpy?

Mum seems to have had a new release of life. She is using her scooter more and more and is able to go to the nearby shopping centre to browse. Amazing, considering she nearly died last year and before that she had urine infection after urine infection for years. She's still frail, but able to do more.

I did post about the antisocial behaviour for years from the neighbours next door. The house was boarded up for 3 months by the police. The house has been sold to a builder who lives in the road and is currently being gutted. Skip after skip of stuff. The council advised residents to form a residents association, which they have done and dad has attended meetings. As a result, people have become much friendlier and quite a few people check up on my parents. They are the oldest residents, having moved there in 1958!

[CLKD]

When I read 'the council advised residents' I thought it was going to be 'to see if there was anything in the skip that was useful'  .  A lovely update Ju Ju, long may it last!

[grumpy2008]

I've been given power of attorney, both financial and health, long with my DH and dd, for both my parents. Has your dad settled in OK in the care home, grumpy?

Hi Juju . Dad has settled as much as he's going to, I think. It was a huge upheaval, since dad had been living in our family home for over 50 years and he is very much a creature of habit! The dementia means he's can't really understand the reasons why he had to move, and even yesterday I had to reassure him that the house is 'ok', 'everything's still the same' etc. Reality is that the house has been cleared and sold . It's all for the best though, and the care home is lovely - they've supported us all, are caring and have a very homely feel. So he's actually very fortunate!

Happy to hear that your mum is enjoying her scooter  . The sense of freedom is so important, plus I'm always amazed how strong they can be, even when they seem so frail! Good for her!

[Ju Ju]

Thanks Grumpy! ( I don't think you are really are you!)

I'm glad your dad is in such a good place. At least you know he is being looked after.

I have a vision of my mum tottering out there with her walker then clamber into the skip!  I don't think so!

[grumpy2008]

Thanks Grumpy! ( I don't think you are really are you!)

LOL, you didn't know me in 2008!!! I've just grown more and more hysterical as the years have passed, it's the only way to cope 

You sound worried about you mum... understandably. She sounds a positive and determined lady (my dad is/was the same) and it's a great attitude to have, but it brings us more than a few concerns, eh?

[Pennyfarthing]

THe saga about my mums hearing aids continues.  She got them about a month ago and I showed her and showed her how to use them, as did the guy who did her hearing test. SHe said they were great and she promised to use them. I told her not to worry about the batteries and that I would replace them every SAturday. 

She never wears them though and came for the day yesterday without them!  I took her home, replaced the batteries and showed her yet again how to wear them.  I put them on her and she said they were great. Tonight I rang her and she said she was still wearing them and I though "progress!!" and then she said "I kept them in all night just like you said."   .  I had actually told her to take them off at night and put them back in in the morning.  .

I said "Mum what would you want to hear when you're asleep?"  She said she'd been thinking about that and couldn't work it out. Then she says "I'll take them off now then so I don't forget." so I'm talking away and she's saying "what are you saying" I then can't stop laughing (loudly) and she says "I know what you're laughing about ... Because I slept in them" and I said "No I'm laughing because you can't hear me now."   

[Pennyfarthing]

Oh - that all sounds so terribly familiar.  We had years and years of going back and forth to the hearing clinic, never quite getting things 100% sorted.

I can't remember what you've said about your mum in the past Pf but is she experiencing the start of memory loss do you think? Its just that's exactly how my mum was at the beginning - seemingly less able to follow very simple instructions.

In contrast my sisters FIL has just been prescribed hearing aids at 82 and is getting on famously with them, no problems at all - but the difference is he remembers what he was told to do re cleaning, batteries etc.

I think you're right StellaJane.  I have noticed in the past few months that she's forgetting lots of stuff but assumed that it was because she wasn't hearing most of what was being said.  Some days she's better than others but if she would only wear her hearing aids more often I might get a clearer picture.

SHe keeps saying her memory is going but TBH me and hubby and most of my friends reckon we forget stuff and have to write everything important down.

[babyjane]

Both my mother's sisters partially lost their hearing fairly young due to scarlet fever and as they got older their remaining hearing deteriorated.  One was happy to wear hearing aids for the rest of her life, the other one refused to wear them right up until she died.  One was easy to talk to but the other was a nightmare, everything you said was met with 'pardon' or 'hmmmm?' To this day I don't know why she wouldn't wear them 

[Justjules]

New to this thread but just wanted to post to say how sad it is that the NHS has come to be in the state it is in when your 84 year old FIL is too frightened to let his wife go to hospital 'over the weekend' because people die then!  Basically, my MIL is suffering extreme pain which they can't seem to get under control due to (we think..), a fusion or something in her spine (initially told sciatica, then disc etc) but they don't ask the right questions when they go to appointment.  She's had numerous amounts of medication, some of which have made her very ill, has had oramorph and has just attended the pain clinic.  There, they took her off half her medication that had been prescribed!  Gave her pain patches but she is still crying every day and begged to go to the hospital over the weekend.  My FIL is a complete control freak.  He wouldn't let her go.  He can't cope with her at all now on his own and is going to pieces himself but won't get help and doesn't believe in 'tablets' for anything!!!  My hubby's sisters are trying to help but they both work full-time so I told them to get in touch with Age Concern and Social Services which they did but not much happening yet and I doubt my FIL with let them do anything anyway.

It's just a very sad situation.  I'm trying not to get involved as I'm still not well myself mentally or physically to and I've got my own Mum to help and I also work.  They don't live near us, about 45 mins away from all of us, which doesn't help either.

Any suggestions would be very welcome from anybody's experience?  I'm lucky in that my Mum is very independent and keeps herself well and is always positive.

Thanks ladies.