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[Mummytron]

Hi all,
I've posted in here various times, recently about palpitations. I have lots of peri symptoms coming and going but the palpitations have got me down.
My in laws came today and asked how I was. When I said I was still having palpitations, their reply was a very dismissive "what, still?" I replied yep.
I said it was menopause, which they both screwed up their faces and said they'd never heard of that before.
My mother in law then said sarcastically "when's this menopause ever going to end?"
I'm so upset, I didn't say anything as its not worth it but to be dismissed like that was horrible. I felt like I make things up and like I'm the only person to have this going on for years.
No advice needed, just needed a rant really. 😂
I would never shun anyone who was struggling like that.

[Nas]

Some people don’t get it unfortunately. They dismiss your symptoms and feelings, as if you are making it up!

I have a cancer. People say to me “ shouldn’t your treatment have finished by now?” Erm.. no. I’m on it for life or until it stops working” That soon shuts them up!!!

You are right, people ( even family ) just don’t get it. 🙄

I hope you can kick that menopause into touch soon. Are you on HRT?

[CLKD]

I made a decision many years ago not to discuss my health issues with close family ....... I didn't want their platitudes, explanations of what others were/had gone through.  The longer we were married the easier it was not to tell them anything.  After I had breast surgery in June 1995 and didn't tell any1 until that November, one family member said "But U went through all that on your own".  Nope, actually - I had a loving husband, a good care team and the people that needed to know were told.  What could they have done from 2 hours drive away?

MayB she was angry because she wasn't 'in on the whole story'?  Years ago as DH and I were leaving a family 'do' on his side, his mother, in front of her 5 sisters said "It was nice to C that you ate all your meal today".  WTF    she hadn't been on a table anywhere near to where I had sat, to think to this day that she was watching
me 

They have no empathy!  I never wanted sympathy either ....... next time "U R not on the need to know list' might shut them up, adding - this is between my medical team and myself.

 

[bombsh3ll]

That's horrid, and really ignorant  - menopause only ends when you die!

My MIL is a cow too - I used to tiptoe around her but if she makes one more inappropriate comment about me wearing a wig (I have alopecia) I swear I will point out that she has a full set of dentures, and whilst hair loss is generally not someone's fault, she could probably have stood closer to the toothbrush 😂

[Nas]

Wow what a cow your MIL is, bomb! 😡 Definitely buy her a new toothbrush for Christmas
( oh dear, it’s too late!) Cheeky mare!!

[jaypo]

I think we forget ladies,that the generation before us,just did NOT speak of such things,my mum certainly didn't tell me anything about meno as it wasn't really recognised back then but looking back at my mums behaviour etc ,she definitely had terrible symptoms,also women used to put up and shut up,it must've been awful for them but then some lucky women hardly get any symptoms at all. So it's probably just a lack of understanding from your MIL and probably not worth mentioning anything else to her but that said,a bit of sympathy from her wouldn't have gone amiss. Show her this site,that'll shock her 

[CLKD]

Fortunately we have never needed to engage with relatives 4 any length of time as we moved far away from where we were raised, sometimes I felt like they saved up their comments 

When we lived on the Coast we would get 2 weeks every Summer of his parents, brother/wife spending time with us: we continued going to work ;-).  By the end of that 2 weeks   

At Easter and C.mas we would travel back to them as they all lived in the same village, so it was a) cheaper and b) easier as we didn't have space.  I know that our marriage would not have lasted due to the strict routine we would have been lured into  and resentment would have built up in side me.

[Pbjb]

Oh ladies, I’ve been reading your words and you’ve made me feel so much better about my MIL! She absolutely can’t get over the fact that I’m so effected by the menopause. She looks at me in a patronizing way and says “the menopause never effected me like that”…as if all women kind are exactly the same! She also said after one family weekend visit that she and her partner were fed up with me being ill!!! She always asks me how I am in such a sad way, wanting to know all the details, but can’t for the life of her deal with the answer. Yes, I feel dismissed too and as if I’m not being truly listened to. It’s horrid.
What is it with Mothers-in-law?
Really appreciate that rant too…thanks xx

[CLKD]

Don't answer her with anything that can feed her interest: my response for years has been: we have a very good GP, a supportive Nurse, DH loves me and that's every1 on the need to know list  . No one has a right to your mental or physical health records. 

You'll not be visiting with her and the partner again?  When asked why not, "well U insinuated that you and him were fed up with my problems so I opted not to bother you with them in future".  It takes courage but believe me, getting into the habit of saying 'no' becomes easier after about the 3rd time! 

[CLKD]

My sister can give 'the look', not a talent that was passed down to me - growling would also be a handy response 

[Pbjb]

Excellent! Thank you CLKD for that! Our visits with them are very less frequent now because of their attitudes, but your advice about not sharing mental or physical records, when with them, is good. Shut it down and change the subject! Like it. Definitely also like the idea of growling.  How liberating 🤣

[jaypo]

I agree,just say I'm absolutely fine. People like her just like gossip,love to hear all about it then gossip about it all behind your back,nah, I'd tell her nothing

[Pbjb]

Good insight there Jaypo. Thank you xx

[CLKD]

Let us know how you get on?  Have some snappy come backs ready ;-). :U R. not on the need 2 know list:  then watch her huff 

[jaypo]

Take us with you next time,we'll soon sort her out