Hi Milo, reading your post makes me think your situation is a very complex one and not one that is easy for anyone here to advise on, hopefully I am wrong. Are you saying you can't use vaginal oestrogen for your vaginal atrophy, I honestly don't know how else you can relieve the symptoms, moisturisers alone will not be of much help.
As for your husbands attitude towards your health issues, we don't choose to have vaginal atrophy or any other illness that makes our lives a living hell. I would remind him of that.
I hope you find the answers you are looking for!