Yeah, the scripting thing is almost funny. For example, someone (charity person) came to our door while we were eating dinner and this sort of thing generally annoys me. I watched how my husband dealt with it, what he said, his tone and body language. And I was like 'Oh, that's how you politely deal with people you don't want to talk to'. So next time I had to do that, I just copied what I'd seen, same mannerisms, words, etc. I don't know whether this is true for all autistic people, but it's like the unconscious mimicry bit is broken. Another stupid example, remember how David Cameron would finish interviews and just walk away. I've always done that. Talking over, time to move. No goodbye or closure to the conversation. It comes across as incredibly rude - apparently. I used to try and fix it by going back and saying 'Oh sorry, have you still got something to add?' and then people assumed I was being sarcastic. This is why I prefer dogs and cats.
It's funny what you say about socialisation and conflict. As I've mentioned elsewhere, I'm a teacher (11-19), in a deprived area, with a high SEN ratio and lots of trauma. Autism and my own life experience is a strength in this respect. For reasons I can't quite put my finger on, I'm able to teach kids in my classes that colleagues can't even have in their room - hence additional responsibility in this area.
Which brings me on to how to distinguish between autism and trauma. I mean, it's a bit of a vicious circle I suppose. My take on it is that it's all relational, or has an impact on how relations are formed and managed, including with the self. I'd say that the main difference is around 'diagnostic criteria'. Autism technically falls under the auspices of psychiatry (doctors), whereas trauma is more psychology (therapists). With the former, you're a patient, with the latter, you're a client / therapee / analisand. Further, autism is defined by the DSM (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), as is PTSD, but trauma is a bit amorphous (e.g. Is it short-term or long-term? Is it a 'disorder' in the traditional / pathological sense, or is it a reaction to distress?).
For me, and I'd stress that this is for me, in some ways it (is it autism or trauma?) doesn't matter. I don't care. I just need access to a form of therapy that will help me manage my life. And that was my key and why I chased the diagnosis. What I found was that when I went to the GP reporting difficulties, I'd always be asked to fill in a GAD7 and PHQ9 (the former tests for anxiety, the latter for depression). These were the only diagnostic tools used. And every time results would show severe anxiety and clinical depression. But if you're only testing for two things, then you're only going to get the results for those two things. So I'd have short term treatments, that would work for a while, and then I'd be back at square 1. In other words, I wasn't getting any form of deeper resolution and I constantly felt as if I was 'failing' at getting better. Obviously, this put me in a really bad place. For years. And it's why I'm not a fan of non-specific CBT.
Re: Extremes at puberty, the biggest one was that I was anorexic (my food preferences were roundly ignored so I just stopped eating). Also a hardcore (androgenous) punk. My shaved, pierced and filthy demeanour were usually enough to drive even the most persistent socialisers away. And then, yes, you know, I found other ways to anaesthetise myself. I do notice it with some of the kids, especially the full face of make-up, fake lashes, long talons crew. And I had one the other day (a boy) constantly shouting out highly sexualised things about a cat - I sort of diverted him talking about the cultural history of domesticated cats and where the nearest burial site for one could be found. Again, another advantage of autism, I suppose, having that Teflon coating (when I'm not exhausted, when tired there's no barrier at all).
But I did get lucky. Met my husband when I was about 21. He knew (and still knows) how to handle me. Was a psych nurse, became a philosopher. At roughly the same time I began to develop my 'special interest' in law. When something's all consuming, it's all consuming. I settled down almost overnight.
Re: HRT and autism, I think maybe there's just another dimension there. I'm not saying the challenges are more challenging, more that maybe they're different. It's confusing, and hard to find the feelings to attach the words to so that I can explain stuff. Curiously (or maybe not) I'm trying to write a book about this, because I gave up on trying to figure it out and instead went off and learned how to ride motorbikes. This is where I found my menopause peace. When there's just you, the machine and the road, the world becomes very quiet and almost manageable - 100% concentration or you die. I find it's a very physical way of connecting to my body by 'fusing' it with an engine. Like, me and my bike are one. I know how she works. I can take her wheels off, fix the sprockets, grease her chain, etc. We have a relationship of trust. People are strange. Mechanical engineering is not.
Meh, sorry, that all came out in a bit of a spew.
Laszla - I think you have to go through the GP for an autism assessment, because it's doctors, one has to refer you to another. It is a big step, however, bizarrely (given what I've said above) CBT (that you can self-refer to in most regions) could help you with this, as I think it's really useful when someone has to make a defined decision.
100% what Postmeno says about the difference.
