@CLKD thank you, and yes, I was thinking the same when I was at the appointment. It was just overstepping a boundary by that doctor mentioning my husband in this accusing way. But I was so shocked I just repeated 'no he's not!' it's just me, I'm feeling like that'.
As for a general update: I meanwhile managed to make a phone appointment with my (very good) former gyn and she was nice enough to take a full hour in the evening after her work time to talk with me on the phone and answer all of my questions in detail. As she is too far away aborad I sadly can't go to her practice which would be necessary when I want to start HRT, as she said there is always a phase of lots of testing things, rearranging etc, so I can't go to her. I'm still looking for a good local gyn but haven't found anyone yet - which is due to my life being really full with new stuff . I've been working as a self-employed editor for the past ten years, and decided to look for a complimenting 60% job in the past weeks, and really managed to get my dream job in an instant. It will start May 1st, so naturally I am happy but also a little tense... Otherwise there was lots of stress, my mother-in-law has been in IC for the past weeks and it looks really bad, our 18-year-old cat suddenly got very sick last week... so, it's just a lot of things at once these days...
As something new happened now since I talked to my former gyn (was 4 weeks ago I think) I will open another topic here...