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[Losingtheplot]

Really struggling today 

[Dierdre]

Hey Sarah

Thanks again. Its a telephone assessment so I will have to tell them that I hold back, this I don't do intentionally but it happens as my mind is confused and trying to find the words to engage. Its like I get a form of dementia.

Xxxx

Mine was telephone assesment,  you will then be allocated a therapist later. You can continue with telephone therapy, zoom or face to face. I chose the zoom.
I wrote as much down before my assesment so I didn't forget and it helped me just to reel it all off.

[Losingtheplot]

Hi Diedre,

I have written down as much as I can in preparation.  I know the talking therapy is not going to magically make everything better, just giving it another try to see if it can help me further alongside meds. More to beable to help me have some coping strategies really. Take care xxx

[Dierdre]

The more ways of coping with this the better, it helps just having someone to pour it all out to that actually listens. I'd feel drained after sessions sometimes, Id offloaded so much, but felt so better for it.

[Losingtheplot]

Yes I know from past counselling sessions it is very draining - still it has been of help to you somewhat so that's what counts.  Counselling/therapy is very exhausting.  Just when my meds kick in and I feel ok I have to put myself back into the mindset of when I struggle so emotionally very difficult but necessary to get anything from the sessions

[CLKD]

Which is why keeping a journal can be helpful.  I never felt drained, simply relieved that some1 was listening.

[Losingtheplot]

Yes I agree and I have noted plenty down to help me recall things as can be quite daunting trying to think on the spot when brain doesn't want to engage 

[SarahT]

Last week I had an appt to try to work out what the help is wrong with me, atm fibromyalgia is the top guess. But as soon as I and  the Dr had swapped hellos, she said the most important thing I could ever have wished for. I Believe You. That was huge for me.

So yes,relief just that someone is listening to you is so important. Tell them you struggle to feel able to speak freely, and also that the meds do help support you but on the days they dont,that is when you feel so very low. So maybe,suggested write some thoughts down when you are at your worse. It's horrible to relive when you read than again, ( I have done so myself) but that gives a very honest and more accurate example of how awful you can feel.
And remember always be kind to yourself. I know I repeat this but I sincerely believe many of us fail to do this. Xx

[Losingtheplot]

Ahh thats so good your doctor sounds so lovely.
I had actually started writing bits down a week or so ago and have added to it and yes it is upsetting to read but at same time it's how I feel at my low points.
It's will feel like I have written about someone else once meds kick in as I can then function better and thats when I hate revisiting the dark times.
Its an uphill struggle aswell you know and the therapy may help it may not but I am going to try it.
My close friends are advising same to be kind to myself and I am trying even with that awful self doubting voice and thoughts.  I have found today very difficult and such a struggle but I've made it and still here. You take care xxx

[Losingtheplot]

Well had telephone assessment today. Seemed to go ok, the written down notes did help.
Now waiting to see what therapy I will be offered CBT or counselling should find out in a week or so. Then be put on a waiting list.
The assessor I spoke to today was lovely. For some reason the 2 times she rang me call went straight to voicemail! I had full signal on my mobile too.
I rang the number back and was being told my assessment would need to be rescheduled! I 
I could literally of cried at that point as I had left work early and rushed to try and get home before the phone call.
I didn't make it home instead parked car up with 5 mins to spare to wait for the call.
The assessor could probably hear how stressed I sounded when she mentioned rescheduling and reassured me that she would do the assessment on this call instead and move her other work back. I felt awful but I had waited over a week and a half for this appointment. Just her doing that calmed me down instantly. Just a lovely woman who recognised how distressed I was.

[CLKD]

That's good.  If she hadn't been able to shuffle her work load she probably wouldn't have made the suggestion.

Glad that the list helped a bit.  Keep up with those notes.

It may mean that your appts will be in the New Year, although hopefully some1 will contact U to let you know.

Once you've had a chance to vent you will begin to regain some semblance of control.

[SarahT]

That's someone who is in the right profession to be able to recognise how stressed you were and crucially to be able to respond positively to you.
I understand how calming it can be just to have someone listen to you, to give you time and a safe space.And like CLKD has said writing down your feelings is a good way to release some of it. I truly know how hard it can be to read that back, it's like reading a stranger's words not your own. In the therapy I have had,I call it my rational self or my irrational self regardless of the reasons I am in a MH crisis.

So,.first step was back on ADs, second step was to ask for therapy guidance, and third step was the assessment. It's a good positive beginning. I honestly believe asking for help for physical and especially mental or emotional health is a strength.

Thanks for the update, a huge hug your way xx

[Losingtheplot]

Thanks ladies and I know it will be well into the New Year before I get a therapy appointment as be several months wait as already been pre warned waiting lists are long.
Thank you Sarah T and I am wanting to get better I just need to stop letting past events take over my life now. 
CLKD i appreciate what you are saying  however for me personally it is more than venting to someone it is learning to cope with what happened and that I shouldn't let it affect the rest of my life.
Easier said than done!  I need to learn to be able to cope better which is something I am unable to do currently.  I don't expect life to be a bed of roses and to be jumping out of bed full of the joys of spring.  I know life can be up and down, I just need to ensure the downs don't make me feel like I did all them years ago when life was very down.
When I get so low I go back to feeling how I did at the time of my childhood trauma, that is the issue the same thoughts and feelings engulf me.
I am generally happy in my life, have a lovely son and hubby and 2 cute as anything dogs.  Obviously the dreaded peri and all its symptoms isn't a great addition but on the whole life is ok.
One step at a time is all I do and that like you say Sarah T is positive 

[Dierdre]

My anxiety was through childhood trauma, at the time though you just live through it as it's normal, you don't know any different and you trust your parent to do the best. It's not until you get older and have children of your own you realise how bad your childhood was and how the sudden death of a parent and the way it change our lives actually had affected my adult life.
My therapist explained things that happen in childhood mould the adult we become, it's always kind of engrained in us, but it's not a bad thing, it makes us who we are and maybe stronger and wiser. I over compensated with my children so I knew I'd never make the same mistakes.
I worry a lot because i always expect the worse to happen as it did in childhood and if the worse doesn't happen its a bonus. Not a good way to think.
My therapy sessions have made me think differently now, more positive than negativity and accepting uncertainties in life and not worrying about things that may never happen. I have setbacks but that's ok cause I know how to get back on track again and have made alot of progress to the point my family have noticed the change in me.
Therapy has helped and I've now finished but I can go back if I ever need to with the same therapist. I hope you will get alot out of therapy, every bit helps.

[Losingtheplot]

Hi Deirdre

It good to read how the therapy has helped you and how far you have come. It gives me hope that it may help me too in some way.
I completely relate to the over compensating with our kids. I only have 1 boy but shield him from the kind of trauma I experienced at his age and younger. Most importantly I let him know how much I love him and support him with any hurdles he comes across in life. Something I didn't have when growing up. My childhood is filled with hurtful and emotionally upsetting memories so when friends or colleagues reminisce I often keep out of the conversation as I can't recall happy memories just pain, tears and stress.
Take care Dierdre and thanks for sharing xxx