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[Losingtheplot]

Hi Ladies
I am so fed up and close to just resigning myself to the fact that my life is always going to be plagued by mental illness. To be honest it has worn me out.
It affects me so badly and has from age of 12/13. I know its linked to child hood trauma and every few months I dip so badly that the anxiety starts taking over. I start getting confused, simple tasks become difficult, I become a different person. I forget simple things too. The confusion is the worst though as things I can usually do I struggle to. This then leads to a massive dip in self esteem and confidence. I stammer when I speak and have to think carefully of the words before I speak and some.people find this funny which kills me even more inside 😪This isn't peri or meno related its been my life for 35 years.
I used to eventually come out the other end after dipping the lowest I possibly could. Eventually I was prescribed Ads took a while to find the ones that helped. I've had 2 suicide attempts and a further after having my baby as I had post natal depression.
At the beginning of this year I was hit with physical and mental peri symptoms which was scary. I am on HRT and has controlled flushes, panic attacks and morning anixety.
I am now back on Ads after a short break as side effects were too much. Am just feeling so low as I can't live out the rest of my life suffering like this.
The only thing that keeps me from ending it all is my son. My dad suffers from mental illness and I try my very best to hide how I am from my son, as I know only too well how bad it gets living with a parent with a mental health condition.
I have tried counselling in past but my brain wouldn't engage to allow me to communicate properly which is a huge issue for me.
I am having a counselling assessment this week and honestly feel I have reached the end of the road. This is no kind of life putting a false act on when I am dying inside.
I would never act on the thoughts in my head but maybe I have a different mental health condition or just can't cope with life. I don't like this time of year either as was plagued with misery as a child so I always suffer more in run up.to Christmas.
I just had to get all of this off my chest as its weighing me down and I feel exhausted.
My brother and sister also suffer from mental health issues so we have all been affected.

Thanks for reading

[Nas]

This time of year can be horrid for many. Memories, experiences, trauma etc can exacerbate an already anxious and emotionally fragile mind.

What strategies help you cope best? Being alone ? Being with a trusted friend? Spending time with your son? Making a list of achievable things to do within the day?

Would a different type of counselling help? One which allows your brain to slowly allow itself to go back in time to help you work through your thoughts?

You are coping with life. You think you are not because you feel so low. Each day you get up and do what you need to do. Do you work?

What strategies do your siblings use to help them? Is family therapy an option?

I am sure the ladies will be along soon to support you. It must be a tough and bumpy road to walk.

 

[Losingtheplot]

This time of year can be horrid for many. Memories, experiences, trauma etc can exacerbate an already anxious and emotionally fragile mind.

What strategies help you cope best? Being alone ? Being with a trusted friend? Spending time with your son? Making a list of achievable things to do within the day?

Would a different type of counselling help? One which allows your brain to slowly allow itself to go back in time to help you work through your thoughts?

You are coping with life. You think you are not because you feel so low. Each day you get up and do what you need to do. Do you work?

What strategies do your siblings use to help them? Is family therapy an option?

I am sure the ladies will be along soon to support you. It must be a tough and bumpy road to walk.

Hi Nas

Thank you for replying

I don't have any particular strategies that help just my mind going over and over things.  Actually exercise does help me, although joint pain due to peri can make it difficult. I am hoping to try some different counselling as I really am at the end of the road with feeling like this.
I force myself to meet friends when I don't want to but put on a false act which is draining. My sister is very much like me just about copes day to day and my brother I don't speak to as he has very destructive behaviour and he doesn't cope at all. He takes Ads at times and uses alcohol at his lowest points. He has very eratic behaviours at times.
He still lives with my elderly mam and makes her life hell. That's a different story though and does cause me and my sister more stress.
I do work and all my working life its been so difficult to juggle a job with feeling like this. Thank you for your kind words. I get up every morning as I have to for my son and hubby when all I really want to do is stop all the thoughts in my mind causing me not to beable to function properly

[Nas]

Okay, maybe a different counselling approach might be more beneficial going forward.

If you can, I would leave your brother out of the equation then; his behaviours won’t be helpful at all.

Exercise is good. What helps with the joint pain? Can you increase the HRTa a bit for that one?

Putting on a brave face is tough I agree. You don’t have to do it all the time though. Rather accept that some days are going to be better than others?

[CLKD]

I found MIND Charity really supportive via e-mail when my friend ended his Life.

Talking therapy helped enormously, being able to vent to a complete stranger.  No one telling me 'that can't have happened to you because X, Y, Z'.  Once a week with homework    .  Mental Health services have never been well supported by the governments of the day being slightly above funding that goes into Elderly Care.

Clinical depression as opposed to organic depression: I have both : can be more difficult to deal with as acceptance can be hard work.  Acceptance that a) we can't change the past; b) that it our reaction to those issues that continue to affect us on a daily basis; c) how we react to others caught up in the same family tangle.

I still keep to half a day at a time.  Hate having to book anything ahead which is why this time of year is so hard.  The expectations etc.. I have a drawer of fixed grins  ....... although sometimes it is better when I 'go along', putting on a brave face.  It avoids being asked all the while or 'you don't have anything' etc..



Do U keep a journal, I found venting therapeutic.  Out of my brain, onto the page and away. 

Much of my childhood was a lie.  Apparently.  In recent years I've found out how my Mum's behaviour stilted my emotional growth!

Your brother and your Mum are a different issue and 1 that she needs to deal with.  Unless U think that she is in continual danger, step back.  Take care of you.

 

[Losingtheplot]

Okay, maybe a different counselling approach might be more beneficial going forward.

If you can, I would leave your brother out of the equation then; his behaviours won’t be helpful at all.

Exercise is good. What helps with the joint pain? Can you increase the HRTa a bit for that one?

Putting on a brave face is tough I agree. You don’t have to do it all the time though. Rather accept that some days are going to be better than others?

I am having a review for my HRT to see if if can be tweaked to help with the aches and pains. I am taking low dose Ads again as I recognise when my mental.health is starting to decline. Only been a week so I know from past experience takes a few weeks to take effect.
My brain has formed a habit from previous trauma and I am open to try any type of counselling or therapy that will help me.  Also Nas, your so so right that this time of year exacerbates mental illness. We are all expected to be happy and Jolly when that isn't reality is it?

[CLKD]

The Flight or Fight response stems back to when humans lived in caves.  It's a gut reaction that has never left us.  So our whole brain goes into over-drive when it senses a threat - however small or large.

As with my phobia, it doesn't take much to set off the chain reaction which is a learned pattern of behaviour from within several hours of being born.  Betablockas helped for years. 

MIND may suggest access to talking therapy, worth a try?

[Losingtheplot]

The Flight or Fight response stems back to when humans lived in caves.  It's a gut reaction that has never left us.  So our whole brain goes into over-drive when it senses a threat - however small or large.

As with my phobia, it doesn't take much to set off the chain reaction which is a learned pattern of behaviour from within several hours of being born.  Betablockas helped for years. 

MIND may suggest access to talking therapy, worth a try?

Thanks I am being assessed for a talking therapy this week through a local service through NHS

[SarahT]

Just wanted to say Hello And sending some love your way.

I found out  through talking therapy recently that it's okay to say to yourself that your not okay. Which sounds obvious but I never let myself say that before.
I too use that drawer full of fixed grins  and sometimes it's bloody exhausting having to pretend you are not feeling so unbelievably low. This year my cyclical pms went through the roof and suicidal thoughts were hitting me which scared the help out of me.when so was like that I made sure I was never alone, but stayed limpit like with my husband,until the feelings passed. So irrational. Upped my hrt and a new AD. And I'm better, never cured, but pretty stable now.

So my reasons were cyclical, yours are obviously long term. Do you know the helpline numbers in case you get to a serious stage where you might act on your moods? You will probably not need them, but having them is in its own way a safety net.

Does your gp know how bad you feel right now? You need to concentrate on yourself as much as you can right now.

 Are you honest with a new therapy in explaining you can mentally put a block on thoughts so precious therapies have not been successful. ( not a fault btw, more self preservation). The more they know in advance the more they can tailor help

Small successes in each day should be seen as major triumphs when we are like this. Know that people do understand, and I am sorry it's so hard for you right now.

X

[sheila99]

I'm so sorry you feel so bad. I don't have any useful advice but sending you support and cyber hugs. I hope you find a way to feel better.
 

[Losingtheplot]

Just wanted to say Hello And sending some love your way.

I found out  through talking therapy recently that it's okay to say to yourself that your not okay. Which sounds obvious but I never let myself say that before.
I too use that drawer full of fixed grins  and sometimes it's bloody exhausting having to pretend you are not feeling so unbelievably low. This year my cyclical pms went through the roof and suicidal thoughts were hitting me which scared the help out of me.when so was like that I made sure I was never alone, but stayed limpit like with my husband,until the feelings passed. So irrational. Upped my hrt and a new AD. And I'm better, never cured, but pretty stable now.

So my reasons were cyclical, yours are obviously long term. Do you know the helpline numbers in case you get to a serious stage where you might act on your moods? You will probably not need them, but having them is in its own way a safety net.

Does your gp know how bad you feel right now? You need to concentrate on yourself as much as you can right now.

 Are you honest with a new therapy in explaining you can mentally put a block on thoughts so precious therapies have not been successful. ( not a fault btw, more self preservation). The more they know in advance the more they can tailor help

Small successes in each day should be seen as major triumphs when we are like this. Know that people do understand, and I am sorry it's so hard for you right now.

X

Hi my lovely

I do try to be kind to myself and try to accept that I am not ok. However, this has gone on since I was 13 and I am now 48.  It just gets so scary and the only treatment that seems to help is Ads. The side effects sometimes are too much though. In order to have some quality of life though I have to take these.
I know how difficult you have found things too and its so bloody scary when the dark thoughts enter. Pleased things have improved slightly for you xxxx
I do have the numbers to hand just in case..... my GP will tell me to persevere with the Ads.

Its just the waiting until i start to feel them working and start to feel like a person again  .

I really feel I will be on the Ads for the rest of my life my mental health has plagued my life and I am trying my best

[SarahT]

Although I don't enjoy being on any medication I do know my body and mind need it right now. I would willingly stay on hrt all my life  of it offered relief from my symptoms and was safe to do so. And I would also return to ADs if  I continue  to need them to support my mental  health. Although I came off a previous AD for a year, my mental health issues returned so I went back on a different one. I don't have a cut off date as such for coming off an AD unless my gp discusses this with me. Again, as long as it was safe to do so, would it be so bad to remain on them for a longer period?

I don't see being on medication for physical or mental health as me 'failing ' or am weak in any way,I have gone passed that feeling. I need both for symptoms that are so bad without the help they give,even with side effects. I am better on both, then off. Would this be something you could understand for yourself in a way maybe?

This year for me has been trying to accept all the s**t that has been overwhelming me this year, as I have ( slowly and reluctantly ) accepted some of it,it has been easier to work with it, rather than against it.

Easier said than done I know, particularly when we feel at our mental lowest. Xx

[CLKD]

Initially in 1988 I didn't want to take any anti-depressant medication because I wanted to know the causation of my depression.  However, after 8 months of medication I began to feel well.  I never want to feel 'that scared' ever again!

Over the years I've altered the type of AD as newer meds came available.  Now the Powers that B would have to snatch them from me!

Which particular side effects do you find difficult?  For me it was intense nausea 

[Losingtheplot]

Hey Sarah

I have taken Ads for  number of years and the only reason I stopped them was due to side effects causing involuntary movements at night which kept me and my hubby awake its a common side effect of SSRI's. If I need them for life so be it but I was waking up so tired and having to do a full day at work. My eyes would be closing at my desk, so I don't have an actual issue with taking Ads themselves.

[CLKD]

Fortunately, I've never had those symptoms ........ I had restless legs since the age of 11 - could that be the side effect?  I cured mine by eating several bananas a day or taking 'nurofen' at night.