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[SarahT]

Nas, was the breathlessness part of an anxiety attack? Already hyper stress because of the almost unbelievable health issues you have been forced to endure, and the (?) unusual scary thoughts? Wouldn't be a surprise that your anxiety is through the door right now manifesting itself in such ways maybe.

I feel Penguin has odd priorities.... why give up an outdoor sauna for a tool shed??? Shove the tools under an old tarp and if need be, use some  WD40 ( my weird fetishy smell btw) no one should consider any other option!

I hope this evening can bring a better peace not mind knowing Christies are there in the morning. It just bloody sucks that you are under attack yet again. You understandably should feel like it's another crap hand to be dealt. You need a day ( at least ) to say you can't be arsed.  We 're still all behind you as best we can x

[Nas]

No idea if the breathlessness is part of anxiety partner. Judging by today’s performance, I’m thinking not.

Not going well at all.
Having severe reactions  to this ribociclib. Christie have advised to stop it immediately and they will formulate a new plan and be in touch tomorrow.

Can’t see a way out of this crap right now 

[SarahT]

Ok partner, so Plan A of treatment not suitable but they WILL have their plan B.  Naturally this is massively personal and scary for you, but they have worked with so many scenarios over the years, working with so many people that they will be experienced to find the best alternative for you now that is kinder on your body.
They haven't left you on your own with this Nas, I know it's easy for most of us who read your posts - we can't have a clue as to the stress and pain you are under. Trust in your team. And make sure you keep in  touch with them as often as you need to. And us. Mad bunch I know but the Maxxxxe Team are here. X

[Penguin]

So sorry to hear you're having such a rubbish time Nas, and to be reacting to the drug as well, must be so frustrating. Pleased that your team is on it though and that turnaround for a new plan is tomorrow.

[suzysunday]

I can't add much to SarahT's positive words. You must feel really scared and stressed and so emotional.  Try and stay strong and positive, which I know is easy to say, but you will get through this.  Sending love and everything and keep in touch with us all xxx

[ElkWarning]

I'm just catching up on this.

Jesus, Nas, you're proper going through it at the moment. I haven't got anything good to say, but agree with Sarah T - especially about the tarps and WD40.

x

[discogirl]

so sorry you're having such a rough time. We're all with you. lots of love xxxx

[Jules]

Nas and Penguin,  8-9 weeks....apparently that is bad news results at present.  I did question the consultant when she said 2-3 but she didn't say much.  You know what  the  waiting  times  have  been  for
everything  else  so  I'm  not  surprised
by this at all. She did say after the hysteroscopy/biopsy that she couldn't see anything and I didn't have any polyps or anything.  Just hate all this waiting....is it just me or does it seem like all of us ladies spend most of our time waiting for scans,tests ,results, diagnosis etc etc. Life used to be soooooo much easier xx

Hi. You put it in a nutshell.  I feel that's all I do. I've been waiting 3 months for stomach biopsy results and have had to write to the consultant concerned.  4 months last year and actually rang histology myself. You really have to fight your corner. 
Nas, I'm only just catching up. I'm so disheartened for you, it must be so difficult to remain positive and motivated but you do have a great hospital behind you and you sound like you have a lot of nous so there should be a new plan soon.

[Nas]

Jules having to wait 3 months for biopsy results, is abhorrent. You are right, there is no way round things now healthwise; you must fight your corner, or you are left to procrastinate for further weeks and months. I feel sure it is pretty much the same everywhere sadly.

Northerngirl, I do hope you are getting through each day the best you can; the waiting is spectacularly rubbish. I am thinking of you.

As for me, struggling to be honest. The oncologist wants me to "crack" on with the industrial strength daily dose of drugs and whilst I am finding it nigh on impossible to "crack" on, what choice do I actually have?

Depleted of hormones, now on hormone blockers, coughing for England, feeling sick day and night, fatigued from life and having to contemplate returning to work soon. In truth, I need a new job, probably in solitary confinement with a toilet close by!

Now is not the time to be reflecting on all the stupid life decisions I made, many years ago, which have not allowed me to even contemplate taking any kind of early retirement. Somehow, I need to find a job which pays equal or more. That is next weeks task!

I feel now, I am so much wiser and in tune with the life decisions and how making poor ones, can deeply impact quality of life later on.
Or, is that we do what we think is right at the time because we can't see into the future?
I don't know, but I am off for a walk!

[Northerngirl]

Nas, thank you for thinking of me whilst you are going through your troubles. It is much appreciated. I'm still waiting and will let you know.
I can only repeat what the other ladies have said, that you have a great hospital looking after you and I know you are an amazing person always strong a d advising others while you're struggling.

Hope you enjoyed your walk, it's always good to get out and about in the fresh air. Good luck with the job hunting also. Take care lovely lady

[SarahT]

Hey Nas,

First,you are a bloody fighter you! Yes everyone has choices and yours is still to fight, despite the absolute awful effect on  your body, so carry on giving yourself  credit  for still battling on, and it's a huge battle.

Is there any way, or useful point, in trying to reduce your workdays in your current job? Less pay, but would it be feasible or give you enough income? Or maybe it is indeed a better prospect in a new job, a kind of reward to feel you are in a new place and actually  appreciated? Dust up your cv or whatever it's called now to show you at your best. Join an agency?? You can always say no if offers don't suit your needs.

some crazy life decisions are a part of all we all are, some  work,some dont. But they all lead us to who we are. If you are looking back, don't forget to celebrate the good choices - it's so easy to think of the stupid decisions. We all have plenty of those....Bet you have some good ones too.

Hope the walk was refreshing and blew away some cobwebs. It's sunny and bright here but I've a feeling Mr Rain is coming back soon.  So we are enjoying the bright blue sky. 😍

[Jules]

I'm certain it's natural to reflect in tough times. I've done it. I wish, if only...... it seems to just make me feel worse as theres nothing i can do about it. You shouldn't have to even be worrying about that at this time though. Its unfair.

[suzysunday]

Hi Nas and so bloody sorry you are struggling so much and having little choice but to take such strong drugs.  I know you said about getting a cold off your son which won't have helped, but as you are at a low ebb you will be open to catching things that are around.  I'm not sure what hormone blockers are, I will look them up, but they are probably making you feel crap as well.  Do you have to return to work?  You don't sound in a good place to go back.  Or maybe looking for something new will be a welcome change.
We have talked about bad life decisions before and know it is futile to beat yourself up about them, but it's hard not to sometimes.  But we can only work from where we are,  which sounds a bit trite but unfortunately true
I can't tell you how much I hope you feel better soon as does everyone on here . Hope the walk has helped and just keep going day by day.  What else can you do?   Thinking of you and sending love and hugs xx