Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Cinnamon07]

Hello

I'm new here from the states, this is my second post. The first post was about my belief that I'm in perimenopause at 38-years-old, I'm sure this is what's wrong with me based on family history (mom was done with menopause at 40, grandmother at 38, and all 5 of my moms sisters was done with menopause by the age of 45) and my symptoms, which has now caused me to resort to self-harm. I know it sounds crazy, however, repeatedly slapping myself really hard, or repeatedly banging my hand up against something is the only way I can get any relief. One would think that sleep would bring some relief but it doesn't, I'm constantly waking up, and jerking awake and feeling all kinds of weird sensations. Last night I jerked awake, I was severely weak and felt as though I was going to pass out, I started screaming "I can't take this anymore, I just want to die" over and over again. My screaming woke my daughter up, she ran to me and crying, and just held me until I laid back down and went back to sleep, or at least I think I went back to sleep, I don't even know if and when I sleep, it's all messed up. I can barley walk, when I do, I feel wobbly, off balance, and as if I'm going to pass out. My daughter is 16-years-old and has watched me completely crumble over the past 4 years, I'm now feeling a great deal of anger towards her for being here, because the matter is. If I did not have her, I would have killed myself 4 years ago, I don't want to be here anymore and I feel like she's stopping me from ending this hell that I'm in. No doctor will listen to my family is toxic so I don't deal with them, and I don't have any friends. My daughter is starting to notice the swelling in my hand and the bruising on my face from the slapping and banging, what else can I do, I know a lot of you ladies have been through not getting the care you need from doctors, how did/do you cope? I coped for sooooo long, I worked for as long as could (I took leave from work on October 10th) now what do I do? I'm fading fast and have no hope that things will get better.

[Taz2]

Hi Cinnamon. I have no real answers for you at this moment but just wanted to let you know that your post has been read and you are not alone. I'm not sure if this is the first time you have self harmed and, if so, I know it can be really scary to feel so out of control. Have you got any methods you can use to try to calm yourself even a little? Is there a friend you can call just for a chat and to take your mind off what's happening even for a little while? Here in the UK we have different crisis lines to call when we feel so low. Do you have one you can call?

Taz x 

[Cinnamon07]

Taz

Thank you for the reply, I only started self-harming a few days ago and know that it will not become a habit, I've just been so frustrated these past couple days with my symptoms, that I just snapped and the self-harming has been the result. The thing is, I have no relief from all the symptoms, they are with me from the time I awake until the time I go to bed and all throughout my nighttime wakings. I would be able to better deal if I had a few days are weeks with no symptoms, but my God, they are non-stop. Emotionally, I felt better after posting on here, and after my daughter took me for a long ride. I don't have a friend I can call for support, everyone seems to be really going through a lot nowadays, and I don't want bother people. We have a lot of crisis lines out here to call, however, so many are just so ill-equipped to truly and ineffectively help someone in a crisis. They offer a quick distraction, which is helpful, however, they aren't really helpful, in my opinion. Again, I thank you for reaching out just to check in, it helped a lot with claiming me down, although I physically feel like crap.

-Cinnamon

[CLKD]

Morning.  U need emotional support today. 

What R your periods doing?   At certain times of the monthly cycle, emotions can run riot.  Dr Kathleen Dalton did a lot of research regarding mood swings related to hormonal upheavals.  It may be worth your while contacting the UK-based The National Association for Pre-menstrual Syndrome - they helped me a lot in the 1990s.

How is your diet?  Do U cook from scratch, does your DD help in the kitchen, with shopping ........ does your DD have full time education?

Self harming has a lot of specific support groups in the UK.  I suspect that where you are there will be centres/on-line organisations if you don't get help from your medical care givers.

Keeping a mood/food/symptom diary may be useful to chart the whole month. 

If your mind is in over drive it is possible that you wake suddenly due to dreaming ......... this happened to me in the 1990s.  Awful and very scary.

Is there a Church or Community Hall where you could sit for a while?  Despair is awful. 

[Cassie]

 My heart goes out to you but also not fair on your precious daughter, please get help today, mentally and yes I also went through early meno its very real, the best thing you can do is to go onto HRT it changed my life. The gel and Utrogestan I started at 38. All the very best to you both.

[Cinnamon07]

I know it's not fair to my daughter ! I'm not going through hell on PURPOSE. As stated beforehand, this hell started 4 years ago, and I just started to crumble mentally and emotionally a few days ago. I know I need help with getting my hormones in order, however, there is NO HELP ! if there was, I would not be on here trying to find out what helped others when the medical system has failed them. I don't know where you're from, however, where I'm from. We can't just "go onto HRT" doctors need to prescribe it.

[Cinnamon07]

Morning.  U need emotional support today. 

What R your periods doing?   At certain times of the monthly cycle, emotions can run riot.  Dr Kathleen Dalton did a lot of research regarding mood swings related to hormonal upheavals.  It may be worth your while contacting the UK-based The National Association for Pre-menstrual Syndrome - they helped me a lot in the 1990s.

How is your diet?  Do U cook from scratch, does your DD help in the kitchen, with shopping ........ does your DD have full time education?

Self harming has a lot of specific support groups in the UK.  I suspect that where you are there will be centres/on-line organisations if you don't get help from your medical care givers.

Keeping a mood/food/symptom diary may be useful to chart the whole month. 

If your mind is in over drive it is possible that you wake suddenly due to dreaming ......... this happened to me in the 1990s.  Awful and very scary.

Is there a Church or Community Hall where you could sit for a while?  Despair is awful.

Hello

Thank you for reaching out, my periods are erratic in the sense, that I bleed like a wounded animal (I feel the blood pouring out of me) and I now only bleed for 1-3 days. When I use to bleed for 5-6 days I sometimes have 2 bleeds a month, I've started having brown discharge, and I've started having sever anxiety, and panic during me periods. We eat good, my daughter really loves cooking and grocery shopping, and yes, she attends a private school online which she loves. I just wish doctors would listen, I know I'm in perimenopause and have been since I was 35-years-old, however, doctors don't go by symptoms, they go by unreliable lab results.

[CLKD]

Where in the World do you live?

Most countries have access to health advice.  How is the medical treatment availability in your area? 

U R probably peri-menopause.  Those years prior to the final bleed = menopause.  Peri throws up various symptoms which can become overwhelming including health anxiety, depression, intense worrying ........

No 1 has suggested that you are experiencing symptoms 'on purpose'.  Peri can take many of us by surprise. 

[Taz2]

Cinnamon is in the states CLKD

Taz x

[CLKD]

 

[Cassie]

In most countries even 3rd world ones, Drs have to prescribe HRT thus my suggestion, get some help from a medical professional. All the best.

[sheila99]

I'm sorry you're going through this and are unsupported by your doc. Are there any local groups or forums where you could get advice to find a more hrt friendly gp? Here the NHS goes on symptoms because blood results are so unreliable in peri. I really think hrt would help you, for me it was life changing.

[Penguin]

Do you have insurance? If not, what other way can you access care? As said above,  in the UK doctors prescribe based on symptoms but perhaps they are insisting on bloods because of your age. Have you had bloods done? Maybe worth repeating if you have. Definitely sounds like you'd benefit from hrt.
I also wonder if there is some emotional support you can get for your daughter particularly given she is underage, or a number she can call to talk to someone independently. Sounds like she could do with some help too.
Good luck, I hope you can get sorted. People can and do go through early menopause, so I would really hope that find a care provider who can help.

[Cinnamon07]

Do you have insurance? If not, what other way can you access care? As said above,  in the UK doctors prescribe based on symptoms but perhaps they are insisting on bloods because of your age. Have you had bloods done? Maybe worth repeating if you have. Definitely sounds like you'd benefit from hrt.
I also wonder if there is some emotional support you can get for your daughter particularly given she is underage, or a number she can call to talk to someone independently. Sounds like she could do with some help too.
Good luck, I hope you can get sorted. People can and do go through early menopause, so I would really hope that find a care provider who can help.

Yes, I have AMAZING insurance through my job, for the time being. I just left an appointment with my doctor and that woman is not budging. She seriously don't believe my issues are hormonal related🫤 she gave me a prescription for Lexapro 🫣. I was thinking perhaps the mini pill, or a low dose combo pill, but nope. It's time to fire my current doctor and go see a new one.

[Cinnamon07]

Where in the World do you live?

Most countries have access to health advice.  How is the medical treatment availability in your area? 

U R probably peri-menopause.  Those years prior to the final bleed = menopause.  Peri throws up various symptoms which can become overwhelming including health anxiety, depression, intense worrying ........

No 1 has suggested that you are experiencing symptoms 'on purpose'.  Peri can take many of us by surprise.

I live in the USA, out here most doctors only go by test results, it's so incredibly frustrating. I know I'm in perimenopause, however, US doctors are so reliant on lab results to dictate their every move.