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Author Topic: Hello, New and struggling  (Read 13402 times)

Worried 1

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Hello, New and struggling
« on: November 13, 2023, 07:39:50 PM »

Hello, I am new here.   I find myself in a very worrying situation.  Due to anger issues, not sleeping and in general not being myself I have behaved out of turn at work.  I now find that I have to face a investigation in to my behaviour at work.   Im at my wits end to be honest.  Has anyone else had anything like this.?
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CLKD

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Re: Hello, New and struggling
« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2023, 07:45:21 PM »

.... and breath.

Have U been verbally invited to a meeting or is this via e-mail?  This may be a meeting to help you move forwards within the work place.

Is there a Union at your work place? 

How large a hierarchy is involved - do you 'answer' to someone 'above you' and he to someone 'above him/her' for example?

Have U been given warnings, either written and if verbal with someone present i.e. a Union rep or someone from HR?  Make sure that you take someone with you to any meetings to take notes if necessary.

How large is your Company?  Do they have a menopause agenda to support women?

Do make a list of how long you have had work problems: who you have been working with/for.  R there e-mails to/from various work colleagues?  Do these problems co-incide with your hormonal upheavals?  Are these anger issues cyclical?

I used to rage in the 10 days prior to a period  >:(.  Is your temperament likely to have compromised the companies ethics etc.?   Have U seen a GP/Nurse Practitioner about your hormonal upheavals?
« Last Edit: November 13, 2023, 07:50:12 PM by CLKD »
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Worried 1

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Re: Hello, New and struggling
« Reply #2 on: November 13, 2023, 07:58:37 PM »

No union sadly, No warnings yet.  There is a meeting with 2 people from Hr and I am not allowed anyone with me at this stage.  Big company and they do have a menopause policy, however I think its more of a tick box exercise .  I have seen a dr today about poss Hrt.   Ive been having problems for a few months and have not told anyone until this.  I have been irrational and irate but not verbally or physically abusive.   To be honest I am terrified.
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SarahT

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Re: Hello, New and struggling
« Reply #3 on: November 13, 2023, 08:03:24 PM »

Extremely helpful  comprehensive advice from CLKD.

My only addition is that hormonal mood swings have been the bane of my adult life,far far worse on perimenopause. You may browse about and realise just how common this can be with others on this forum.
If you have not already spoken to a gp or equivalent please think about doing so. It has taken some time but my moods ( you cannot believe how bad they have been) are finally more manageable. There is help to ease this, it's not always an overnight 'cure' but there are ways to help.

Hormonal upheavals can be terrifying, I genuinely thought I was going mad. It's great you have spoken  with your surgery. Make a few notes when you have an appt so you don't forget any worries or questions you may have.
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Penguin

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Re: Hello, New and struggling
« Reply #4 on: November 13, 2023, 08:10:46 PM »

No union sadly, No warnings yet.  There is a meeting with 2 people from Hr and I am not allowed anyone with me at this stage.  Big company and they do have a menopause policy, however I think its more of a tick box exercise .  I have seen a dr today about poss Hrt.   Ive been having problems for a few months and have not told anyone until this.  I have been irrational and irate but not verbally or physically abusive.   To be honest I am terrified.

I'm not sure it's legal to prevent you bringing someone with you for support to a meeting with hr. I'd check that out if possible, perhaps with citizens advice bureau. If there are two people from hr you are outnumbered and should at least be allowed to bring someone in to take notes on your behalf.
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Penguin

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Re: Hello, New and struggling
« Reply #5 on: November 13, 2023, 08:11:56 PM »

Are you in the UK?
If so, if it is an investigation, I am pretty sure you are allowed someone with you.
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Worried 1

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Re: Hello, New and struggling
« Reply #6 on: November 13, 2023, 08:16:43 PM »

Yes in Uk as its a first meeting they say I am not allowed anyone with me at this stage.   
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Worried 1

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Re: Hello, New and struggling
« Reply #7 on: November 13, 2023, 08:21:46 PM »

Lots of people above me, im a little fish.  I have not been myself for a little while with all this and I have not behaved well I agree but its out of character for me and I have apologised but they seem keen to take it further.   I feel sick with it all.   I have not really told them how I am suffering up til now.
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Penguin

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Re: Hello, New and struggling
« Reply #8 on: November 13, 2023, 08:22:06 PM »

Please look at the ACAS website for 'Right to be accompanied'. It is good practice apparently, but not a legal right in the early stages of an investigation. However I think you should formally get it recorded that you are suffering with menopause symptoms as this may impact how you are treated. While not a protected characteristic itself, employers will have to take this into account as it is covered indirectly under age, sex and disability, all of which are protected characteristics in their own right.
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Penguin

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Re: Hello, New and struggling
« Reply #9 on: November 13, 2023, 08:24:00 PM »

And this is true, regardless of their menopause policy. So the sooner you flag up your health concerns with them the better.
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Worried 1

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Re: Hello, New and struggling
« Reply #10 on: November 14, 2023, 10:51:08 AM »

So, would you say its appropriate for me to email them before the meeting with my health issues and the effect its been having on me recently?   Any advice on how to word it as I am terrified of making things worse.
They are not aware as yet as I have not told anyone.
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CLKD

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Re: Hello, New and struggling
« Reply #11 on: November 14, 2023, 11:06:54 AM »

U R certainly allowed to have an independent person with you at all meetings .......... there should be a written Company policy for all these types of issues.  2 onto 1 ain't fair and is >searches for word here< ......... confrontational ?

MayB approach your HR Dept with a short, detailed report of your current health issues and a separate 1 regarding your work priorities prior to the meeting adding how stressful this is.  Let us know how you get on.  This may simply be a tick box exercise or a way of finding out what assistance you may require.


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Worried 1

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Re: Hello, New and struggling
« Reply #12 on: November 14, 2023, 03:41:30 PM »

Thank you, They have said no one with me at this stage.   I am going to let them know how my health is effecting me.  I acted very much out of character for me and they should know that.   My mental health feels on a knife edge right now what with my symptoms and the worry of this hanging over me.   I am only just hanging on.    No one from work has been in touch however within a couple of hours of sending in my sick note I had a message from a co worker saying " I hear you have been signed off" 
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Worried 1

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Re: Hello, New and struggling
« Reply #13 on: November 15, 2023, 08:24:41 AM »

Well, I have sent a email detailing my health issues and how its been affecting me.   I just hope they dont try to use it against me now.   So so down about it all.
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SarahT

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Re: Hello, New and struggling
« Reply #14 on: November 15, 2023, 11:25:26 AM »

Hiya
I think this is a positive thing you are doing, you are seeking medical help, physically and mentally\emotionally. Having to reluctantly accept how it makes You feel and doing something about it. You did not choose to have this sprung upon you, perimenopause can be pretty hellish and irrational. You at facing this year on. I think you should feel a little proud of yourself if you can, given  your circumstances.
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