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[sksj1]

I need to know if anyone else out there has been same as me?!
I way over done it being i have underlying disability issues. 
I've got 2 step kids 2 boys my own all grown, youngest 18 with me n hubby.
He's had alot going on and I've been literally non stop with his life stuff. Needing me, interviews as lost job, cake 4 grandson and mini break with mum n bro etc, I'd noticed I was starting to pick up on uncomfortable situations such as glancing in wrong places (which norm ignore and think whoops) but I started to literally panic think why?! ... But it turned bad it got to point I was thinking if I lived my son diff to hubby and if I thought wrong about him... But it was so utterly utterly Gross 🤢 I felt sick I felt hot flustered sweaty hands I ended up thinking if I keep overthink this I literally wana put gun to head was so upset.
It came mainly at night and just pop into head. I think he worse bit was seeing him morning glory taking breaky in about 6month ago and shocked  horrified me since. I've been abused as a kid. I wonder if anything of that happens. But my feelings down there have also been acting up so much that I think I felt so confused too about the 2 men living at this house as well.
I really have no answers at the mo. I am not this person
I have brought them up and done the best I can all these year. I've struggled with baby of fam getting to adulthood the most that's true. And yes he is handsome and doing such a great job his life am so so proud as his mum of him. As mums are bias I know. 
I'm seeking help from hypnotherapy!
My mum n her both said, have u acted out. Answer. No! Defo not. But these thoughts and feelings in general keep rearing it's head odd times (time line been since march. Peri Meno since age 38. Now 44  patches 2yrs) periods (if u call em that all ova shot, and been getting bad migraines again, body feels completely outa sync.
So I don't know what to do. Don't know how to erase the crap that had been in my head.
And I am desperate to find if anyone else has been as confused and messed up as me?!
Lots love . 

[Flossieteacake]

Hello and welcome to the forum. It sounds to me like you are having what is known as 'Intrusive Thoughts'. Do you have OCD as this can often happen with people who do? These thoughts are just thoughts and do not mean you want them to happen or want to act on them. I am sorry as I can understand how distressing they are.

I think some therapy would really help you. It will give you a safe space to discuss this and all you have going on. You sound like you have such a lot to deal with and that must be so overwhelming for you.

[sksj1]

Thank you for your kind prompt reply. I can be a little bit. On some things more than others. But mostly I have never had an OCD brain like that experience in my life! It's something else and an experience I don't want too often. At the moment it's calmer and am using games and apps to help. Husband family n mates have all been wonderful. But as soon as I start thinking things I go into over drive at moment. One to another to another. 
Exhausted.  Xx

[Flossieteacake]

Thank you for your kind prompt reply. I can be a little bit. On some things more than others. But mostly I have never had an OCD brain like that experience in my life! It's something else and an experience I don't want too often. At the moment it's calmer and am using games and apps to help. Husband family n mates have all been wonderful. But as soon as I start thinking things I go into over drive at moment. One to another to another. 
Exhausted.  Xx

I did a little research and intrusive thoughts can also happen when a person is anxious. It is so good to hear you have support. If you ever wanted to try therapy then you could discuss this with the therapist who can help you work through it.

You are doing so well to have found ways to distract yourself.