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[0132sarah]

Hello all,

I am a single mum going through menopause with a 12 year old daughter who has PMS BADLY!

I am genuinely relieved to of found this forum, I really hope there is support here. I have been ill, diagnosed with chronic fatigue for the past five years.
I started my periods at the age 11, immediately with migraines, unfortunately I have suffered badly with my hormones. I had bad PMS when I was younger, during mid age, I lost several jobs due to the severity of my migraines. In my mid 20's I started to suffer with anxiety. When I had my daughter at 29, I suffered with severe post-natal depression for three years. I almost ended up in a mother and baby unit. I can never be grateful enough for what I call my rugby team of women, which consisted of a CPN and a variety. of mental health workers from different departments. They genuinely saved me!

For the past few years I have not been feeling myself, I had the Mirena coil replaced two years ago, so I had no idea if my periods were still going. I did have to wait three weeks from after having the old Mirena coil removed to having the new one inserted. During that time, my mind raced like crazy, anxiety through the roof and major insomnia. I have suffered with insomnia pretty much for the past ten years on and of, it came in bouts. I used to be prescribed zolpidem, I can no longer take. Last time I took them, I suffered with bad depression.

As mentioned I have the Mirena coil, I have also been prescribed the Oestrogen Gel, I use two pumps a day. I have been using for two weeks and cannot wait for it to help alleviate more symptoms.
I had a very bad chronic fatigue flare up in June, I over exerted myself, I slept nonstop for three weeks. Since then I started having tremors, extreme anxiety, hives, hot flushes etc.

 I have felt like a hot water bottle for years, admittedly even using my friends American style freezer to cool myself down when visited her! We joked about it, but I never understood why I have been like this for so long.
My sleep is now very broken, really bad brain fog (even simple house chores are extremely overwhelming). I drink 8 litres of fluid daily, I am always thirsty. I have done a home test for diabetes just in case. I know it runs in my mothers side of the family, negative.

at the moment I seem to be awake at night, I seem to of got to a point my sleep pattern is a true mess. I find I have to sleep around 8pm for an hour or I get very grumpy, I am then awake until roughly 4-6am. I then wake between 12-2pm. It takes me practically all day to wake up, my whole body is so heavy and feels like its still sleeping.


Being a mother, this has me guilt ridden, yet my daughter is suffering with bad PMS, yes she is on the combined pill to help calm this down but jeez she suffers badly. She is very advanced for her age, responsible does amazing at school. I have found me feeling like we are starting to clash a little, she's always wanting more independence. Baring in mind she is only 12, I do not allow all these apps on her phone. I personally believe the internet is a dangerous place for young teens. She say I am over protective for placing an app where we can see where each other are at all times. I have this in place, so I can allow her to be out with her friends and enjoy her independence, I feel I am being fair. Many mothers seem to allow their children out all day, not knowing who they're children are with, where they are or what they are doing. Yes parenting is up to each parent, I just cannot justify doing this myself.
am I being over protective?

as for sleep, are there any tips on how I can get my sleep pattern back to being at night? I have been trying my best, yet end up finding myself sleep deprived and unable to think straight at all. I tried kalms, valerian root and whatever else I could find to help years ago, none of them have worked.I have a nonstop thinking mind.

I mention about my PMS and post-natal depression after reading how these can make menopause worse in a book: Preparing for the Perimenopause and Menopause by Dr Louise Newson.

I had a bad aura migraine two days ago, have sumatriptan injections as I cannot hold any medication down due to vomiting.

I have lost interest in life, I have no idea what I like, or enjoy apart from reading. I have loved reading since I was a child, yet I do struggle with it now.

How do I get my bounce back in life? I feel like everything is unravelling around me and I can't stop it, I can barely keep my household together, cleaning is a real struggle.

I cannot bare to look at myself in the mirror, I feel much older than I am. im too exhausted to even do anything about how I look, yet I know deep down I care about my appearance. ive gained weight, my hair is falling to pieces or I find random hairs growing!
my skin has aged badly, droopy eyelids and brows, admit its affecting my site slightly ( I don't drive so not to worry), this is something I will come back to resolving once my mood and sleep improve.

I get irritable and irrational, I don't feel like I am being like that at the time, but I do realise it after, its so hard to control! I don't like being around people, I seem to be very jumpy at noise, too much irritates me. its only been two weeks of using hrt gel, its helped reduce my tremors and sweating profusely.

any tips or advice on anything that would help would be greatly appreciated.

I feel so lost and very unsure if I will find my way out of this overwhelming fuzziness. I don't have any family apart from my daughter, so no one can help. yes my daughter is amazing with helping doing some chores for pocket money.

Hope to make some new friends on here, thank you all for reading xxx

[CLKD]

Welcome!   Menopause and PMS - not a good combination!

I began my periods at 11-ish and suffered badly with pain and flooding until the GP put me on The Pill.   In my 30s I began getting very bad PMS, mayB have a lookC at the National Association for Premenstrual Syndrome (NAPS).  I was advised to eat every 3 hours 24/7.  It really has helped.  That might work for the both of you.

You may find that you will need to increase the amount of gel - someone will be along with that advice, it's not wise to increase too much too soon.

How is your diet overall?  MayB keep a written note of everything that you both eat/drink.  Your teen needs lots of dairy, fresh fruit and veg..  Now is the time to lay down good bone growth to avoid osteoporosis in her later years, a condition which can be fatal.  Of course at 12 we don't look any further than the next disco or shopping trip 

Some find that keeping a mood/food/symptom diary of use.   Let us know how you get on. 

When did you have blood tests for vitD levels and thyroid function as both can cause intense tiredness.  I have to sleep when my brain shuts off.  Due to busy dreams I feel tired almost all the while!

[0132sarah]

Hi CLKD,

Thank you for the tip on looking at NAPS, I will do this. I was very much the same when I was younger with heavy periods, I would frequently pass out. The week prior to my cycle I would have a bag of wilted spinach and a steak, full of iron and a yummy treat, this helped greatly.

Yes I agree I will probably have to have the gel increased, I am guessing at the moment it's a waiting game for the full effects.

My daughter and myself enjoy lots of different healthy meals, I allow her and her friends to make smoothies with different fruit from berries, bananas some avocado etc, my daughter prefers oat milk. Her favourite veg is broccoli and she loves seaweed! Both are great for iron, calcium amongst other nutrition. If we were to have a Thai noodle dish, I am quite generous with sprinkling flaxseeds on top with fresh spring onions. My daughter loves fish and seafood, home made soups etc.

I do allow splurges of some junk food when it comes to that time of the month, she enjoys baking cakes or some crisps, I don't see harm as long as it isn't daily.

I haven't had blood tests done, when I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue, it was from an infection after an operation that didn't go as planned.

Thank you, I think a journal is a great idea! I always get these for my daughter, yet didn't even consider myself!

I should state I do take some supplements, one of the is a vitamin D oral spray. I try to use liquid ones as they absorb much better.

Thank you so much for replying, its genuinely appreciated

[CLKD]

I'm told not to sweat the small stuff, however what might be 'small' to a teen, isn't to the parent/s  .  A younger friend told me recently that however she rebelled: i.e. dying her hair green: her parents told her "That looks nice"  .  She gave up after painting her nails black, staying out late one night - she was in the shed at the bottom of their garden .... no reaction from the parents other than Dad saying "Glad that you got home safely". 

Look up the various parent support groups regarding drugs/alchohol etc.. That way you can guide her appropriately rather than appearing to be the Big Bad Mother who assumes ;-).

MayB on a walk/drive/activity find out what she really loves doing.  Where does she see her friends going that she would like to join in with?  How would she get there/back?

Ask her about the drug scene at school, because it will be different to when you were younger, in fact it wasn't a problem at my age  .  ....... what's the fav drug of choice right now.  She may say that she isn't interested .......... would she know how to help someone who has over done alcohol or drugs? 

As for increasing, I believe that doing that gradually rather than all at once is the best way: the body doesn't get where it is suddenly so a sudden increase might cause side effects. 

You're diet sounds great, what time is supper  .  I have a DH who cooks, well I married a chemist  . 

 

[jillydoll]

Hi. 

So sorry your feeling like this.
Just wanted to say, YOU bring your child up how you see fit. I totally agree with you about the internet and phone thing. If all parents kept tabs on their children, I’m sure some wouldn’t be wondering about at 12 o’clock at night.!

Meno isn’t easy, but keep going, your doing a great job.

Jd xx

[0132sarah]

oh this has made me chuckle!! my daughter is going through a phase of the emo/goth trend!

She had already admitted to me a year ago that she doesn't like boys, bless, she was sat twiddling her thumbs anxious of how I would react to her liking girls. I gave her. a huge hug and said it is absolutely fine. I believe this has helped her to be more open with me, accepting who she is as an individual.

I have allowed her to dye her hair through the holidays, she wears black nail polish. I think it is important for teens to explore their self identity. I remember doing the same and remember how I felt, although I developed this later than my daughter. her fashion is very goth, yet has always been trousers which was a relief I admit. however she is now asking t wear skirts, which naturally is fine, its the style, length and lace detail etc which is where we have compromised.

We chat frequently about school, I welcome her friends round. my daughter used to always have hobbies. She got to a point of not enjoying them anymore, however she is very talented with musical instruments. She's mastered Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody! This is her current favourite hobby.
she has mentioned quite a few teens at school vape to look cool, she thinks its gross. I have shown her images of how vapes can damage lungs. I will say I am relieved my daughter does talk quite openly. she has asked if she can try alcohol, I have said I will think about it. if I even agreed, it would have to be for special occasions, ie Christmas etc. I am aware I need to compromise. she can have her moments of tantrum, but later once she has calmed down and thought about everything I say she comes and apologises. teens become curious and want to fit in somewhere in this world.
my daughter had problems with some boys in her form, and she came to me immediately. I am very relieved that she knows I am there for her and will always support her.

As for myself I have found drinking miso broth helps, I have the odd cup of it, full of B6, probiotics and oestrogen. I think I am feeling impatient, waiting for the gel to be at full effect. ive hd moments I want to burst into tears, im not really much one for crying though. the anxiety is the hard part, my nervous system plays up and van be very sensitive to the point I can physically feel my whole nervous system flaring up.

Menu for tonight is steak! carrots, broccoli and sweetcorn. oven roasted baby potatoes and peppercorn sauce. yes its that time of the month for my daughter! shes gone out to meet her friends, they listen to music together and chill. she going to the health food shop to buy a bag of seaweed for us to share, she will more than likely have a boba tea, its a Korean style tea, seems to be a trend at the moment.

I would love someone to cook a delicious meal for me! however there wouldn't be any chance of sharing a bed hahaha! I have been single for some time and I couldn't imagine being in a relationship now. I would opt to return to my studies any day, I miss it dearly. I was doing my Masters before I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue, I would like to think it is something I can return to when my daughter is a little older and I hopefully start feeling better. xx

[CLKD]

U seem to have a good hand on it all.

Goths .......... she'll be wanting to visit Whitby next year ;-).  Skirts: I can't bear the thought especially with tights LOL.  Lace - now that can be draped in layers to various levels.  Especially vintique lace, in various shades of grey/black/maroon. 

Vaping is certainly dangerous despite what the government would lead us to believe.  Possibly a good idea to encourage people to swap from cigarettes but it became another fashion statement.  So little research done on long-term effects. 

Alcohol - the French begin their children with diluted good quality alcohol at the evening table from a very young age.  Everyone eats together and the same things.  As the children grow they get to taste other alcohol ........ I was allowed sherry, port and wine from about the age of 9 at home.  Not impressed, sorry Dad.  Even the hi-end wines from the big Chateux doesn't do it for me and keep the Champagne  .  Any1 remember babycham?

Why would a 12 year old even look at boys.  Boys are oh so childish ;-).  I remember girls sticking to our side of the playground ........ boys only came in when the girls had a fight!

Could you do your Masters via Open University as you go along?  Pacing oneself with a fatigue issue can be difficult, feeling well 1 can soon 'over do it'! 

Let us know how you get on.

[jillydoll]

My trend at that age was punk. 
I walked around thinking I was a great punk rocker. 🦹🏼‍♀️
My Dad wouldn’t let me dye my hair, ( very blonde) but I did it anyway, turned out bright red, instead of auburn. He wasn’t happy to say the least.  I, on the other hand, loved it! 

See, you had a chuckle. 👍
Go into the This n That thread. That’ll make you laugh, sometimes anyway. 

[CLKD]

We have a funny room too  any contributions welcome.  I went through it earlier ......... we talk about menopause too 

I had long hair either in one plait or two at school, when I went to College I put it up into 'bunches' tied with bright wool  .  Wonder what happened to that wool, I certainly wouldn't have knitted with it 

I was raised on Classical Music - then someone introduced me to Folk which took DH and I around England