Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Nellie Noo]

After 30 years married, and a total of 40 years together,  we are having serious problems . Has anybody else found that menopause has given them a clarity that they didn't have before .??  Am seriously thinking at 58 years of age of divorce , which will be extremely messy financially and we will have to sell the house, that i love. But dont know whether i can carry on , feeling so stressed . X

[Flossieteacake]

I am sorry to hear this Nellie Noo. I know that menopause can make some women totally go off their partners and for many it is temporary. Is it possible for you to have a break from each other or even try marriage counselling?

[jaypo]

So sorry Nellie Noo,how horrible for you 
I agree with Flossie though,be careful it's not just meno making you feel like this, I funnily enough was speaking to a friend on here today about my OH driving me up the wall, I mean REALLY bugging me, I could've stormed off quite easily but I know menopause makes me feel like this, I think we all need alone time,it's so important.
Have you felt this way for a while,what does he say?

[Nellie Noo]

Thank you for your kind words ladies x
I have felt like this for a few years now but it seems to have reached a head now. We are now very different people wanting different things, and although i have tried to reason that yes , I'm under going a shift in my hormones and all that brings i cant get past some of the hurt and anger for things hes said and done ..and on top of that hes so bloody irritating and selfish . I do have a lot of alone time and frankly i need it . Just need to make a decision whether to suck it up or part ways . But im terrified of making a massive mistake x

[Nellie Noo]

I think he would be led by what i decide . And no marriage counselling would be a no no  ….he just wouldn't do it . 😔

[sheila99]

I'm sorry you feel this way. I would urge caution. It may be it's the right thing for you but you need to be certain the way you feel is genuine and not because of meno. I could have walked away, if it wasn't that DD was too young to leave I probably would have done. Now on hrt and feeling more like 'me' again I'm so glad I didn't, he's my soulmate. I would never have considered it if I'd been myself but meno plays havoc with your emotions as well as everything else. I think when we feel rotten we lose the capacity to be tolerant of others in the way we normally are. The only other time I came close to doing something quite so stupid was when I had post natal depression.
  You've been together a long time so perhaps worth trying to save it before you walk away. Could you tell him how you feel and see if you can work it out between you? Or at least see if he's willing to make some changes to make you happier. Does he realise he hurt or is he oblivious?

[CLKD]

Check your money situation first B4 making any decisions.

Think about why you got together and how you have both altered down the years.

Do U feel valued?  Do U feel safe?  How much has Covid impacted on the differences between you?

[Stella2]

Hello Nellie Noo,

I was in a very similar situation and he noticed that something was wrong for a while. At some point he said he had enough and that he decided he wanted a divorce. Only then I realized that the things we share and have in common are very valuable to me and that I would rather put up with our differences than lose our relationship. But that's me and I don't know what your circumstances are. After that realization I stopped taking him for granted and focusing just on negativity. I also took a deep look into myself and what I am really like in the relationship.

I hope that you will be able to review your situation and make a right decision, but take time, imagine what your life would be on your own and see if you would like it. Maybe he would be able to talk to you and understand how you feel and possibly change if he knew how serious this is?

[Lyncola]

I would agree with the others ladies that menopausal can change your feelings. For me it wasn’t my husband but my parents.
I got extremely angry with them and a lot of past hurts made me angry, like me being molested. Where were they, they were getting drunk while I was being attacked. I tried telling my mum about 15 years ago, she just got upset and refused to speak about it again. I tried a couple of years ago to both parents they kept talking like they didn’t hear me. I got angry with what they say, the fact they never go anywhere, but if I take them they will go. They missed my daughter play after three years of uni. And so on, but now I’m on amitriptyline for headaches and facial pain, but used to be a antidepressant.
I’m feeling like my old self again. And I let go of all the pain and just accept that the way my parents are, a pain in the butt and that’s the way they are.

[Nellie Noo]

To all you ladies that have taken the time and effort to post … thank you so much x
I have read all your replies and am grateful for all the wisdom and advice. Its so hard when you are in emotional pain to sometimes see the woods from the trees ! Im going to take a deep breath and pause for a while and try to collect my thoughts. Im on my own for a while now as he's gone to his boat in france again . ( i have no interest in sailing and i certainly couldnt do the heat ) but I'm hurt because he's invited people from our neighbourhood to join him that he knows i don't like . I know that sounds incredibly selfish but there is one woman joining ( with her husband) for a week that he knows i dislike because she is a gossip and has a lot to say about everyone . And I'm an extremely private person . Cant even believe I'm writing this post ! All he says is that I am wrong about her and i should make more of an effort. Anyways, this is amongst  a lot of other stuff he has said and done that has caused immense upset not just to me .. but one of my sons.
The problem is i know hes not going to change .. its whether i can put up with it , after all these years 😔 I do think on some level that losing my hormones has made me look at him differently x

[Flossieteacake]

To all you ladies that have taken the time and effort to post … thank you so much x
I have read all your replies and am grateful for all the wisdom and advice. Its so hard when you are in emotional pain to sometimes see the woods from the trees ! Im going to take a deep breath and pause for a while and try to collect my thoughts. Im on my own for a while now as he's gone to his boat in france again . ( i have no interest in sailing and i certainly couldnt do the heat ) but I'm hurt because he's invited people from our neighbourhood to join him that he knows i don't like . I know that sounds incredibly selfish but there is one woman joining ( with her husband) for a week that he knows i dislike because she is a gossip and has a lot to say about everyone . And I'm an extremely private person . Cant even believe I'm writing this post ! All he says is that I am wrong about her and i should make more of an effort. Anyways, this is amongst  a lot of other stuff he has said and done that has caused immense upset not just to me .. but one of my sons.
The problem is i know hes not going to change .. its whether i can put up with it , after all these years 😔 I do think on some level that losing my hormones has made me look at him differently x

It is hard when in emotional pain. I think during menopause we need more support then ever from our partners. I too would be hurt if my partner invited people away whom I did not like. I do not think it is silly for being upset about that. I am a very private person too. I avoid anybody who gossips.

Would it be an option for you to have counselling alone? I was thinking it may help you put your thoughts in order and work out how you feel.

[Nellie Noo]

Flossieteacake …thank you . this occurred to me this morning, that i might need to talk it out with someone on my own so i can get my thoughts in a straight line . Thank you,  you have just made me seriously consider that now .  I am at the doctors tomorrow .. for a review of hrt  and unexplained bleeding .. i might just ask . X

[Flossieteacake]

Flossieteacake …thank you . this occurred to me this morning, that i might need to talk it out with someone on my own so i can get my thoughts in a straight line . Thank you,  you have just made me seriously consider that now .  I am at the doctors tomorrow .. for a review of hrt  and unexplained bleeding .. i might just ask . X

It is worth a try. I hope the waiting list it not too long.

[Nellie Noo]

Thank you 🥰

[Flossieteacake]

Thank you 🥰

My pleasure.