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[Jemp]

Have others found this to be of benefit? I lost my mum to Covid 19 in January and I have ended up in a bad way. She was very old and suffering from dementia so in many ways I had already ‘lost’ her but we were very close and I have so many conflicting feelings. The circumstances of her death were awful. I had to say goodbye through a window and feel haunted by it. I have suffered from anxiety in the past- social anxiety and health anxiety and they are really beginning to reappear. I don’t want to return to medication for it. I have never had any therapy before. I just want to regain my mental strength and equilibrium.

[CLKD]

Many are in similar positions, sadly.  There mayB a supportive C-19 group.

If not, contact your local CRUSE group - formed by the bereaved to help the bereaved. 

Was your Mum conscious at the end, would she have known what was happening?  Try not to put your feelings onto what she might have been feeling.  Was she in care or a hospice situation, if the latter they will talk with you.

[Taz2]

Hi Jemp. I'm so sorry you have had such a traumatic loss. I lost my mum and dad within five months of each other 16 years ago and I felt that as they had both suffered long illnesses, including my mum's dementia, and were in their eighties it was wrong of me to feel upset. I eventually turned to CRUSE for individual counselling and it was the best thing I could have done. I'd recommend it without hesitation to allow you to find some acceptance and peace.

Taz x 

[sheila99]

No experience but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you can find a way forwards.
 

[Jemp]

Thank you so much. I still haven’t got over the death of my dad, who I adored, 5 years ago. It seems pathetic at my age to mourn for parents who had long and happy lives until the last few years but I am a bit of a mess.

[Taz2]

It's not pathetic at all. Have a look at the CRUSE website.

Taz x

[CLKD]

Why pathetic?  There is no time line for grieving.  Due the family dynamics that we grow up with each 1 of us has a different pathway.   Even within siblings, as we all 'see' issues separately.

Be kind to U.  MayB write a letter to your Dad and Mum ........... getting your feelings onto paper may well be helpful.

Half a day at a time?

 

[Jemp]

Thank you all.

[Ju Ju]

I empathise with you. My Dad died last November, not from COVID, but complications of a necessary operation and old age. He was 95. I managed to take my Mum to say goodbye, but was unable to do so myself. 1 hour visit for 1 person only every 3 days at the time. I never got to say goodbye. I haven’t even started to grieve. Too busy dealing with my mother.

Please try CRUSE. Years back I volunteered with them and saw how helpful it was to provide a safe, confidential space with someone who has learnt to fully listen and be fully present. I expect you will have to talk online or phone at the moment. And I expect they have undergone further training since COVID.

[Kathleen]

Hello ladies.

Jemp - I am so sorry for your loss and I hope that you get the help you need.

JuJu - You sometimes say something like 'feelings are just meant to be felt' (apologies if I have misquoted you) so I was wondering how useful that approach has been to you in your present circumstances?

Wishing you both well ladies.

K.

[Ju Ju]

Yep! That’s what I say! Not doing very well am I!! Should be taking my own advice. Actually, maybe I’m further on than I think. It’s ok to feel as I do under the circumstances and I’m not beating myself up. I’m feeling. My daughter said something the other day. She said she was proud of me for being who I am considering my childhood and current circumstances. I’m very lucky to have the support I have from my DH and children.

[CLKD]

Years++ ago DH would mutter "Take your own advice?" when I was talking people through trauma.  On the 'phone.  In the days of land lines  .  It's easy to support someone from afar who have similar issues.