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[Iris67]

I am 53 with no kids (lovely skids) I have had 5 surgeries in my life including for breast cancer and cervical cancer, and a lot of health troubles for my age. I even have osteoporosis.

I had a feeling that I was starting to get a minor prolapse about 4/5 years ago (we know our own bodies) but the gyanae said he couldn't find much wrong. I was of course right and it has progressed to the point where I have a definite rectocele and cystocele and who knows what else.

I can't take any more health problems - definitely no surgery. My poor patient lovely husband has been understanding about the lack of sex and we both miss the intimacy. I feel like I am now just in a steady decline to old age and decrepitude. That life is just grimness. I don't want to harm myself but I would happily go to sleep and not wake up - two decades of health problems have me at the edge. If my parents weren't still alive I'd seek a way out. Perhaps ungrateful for a cancer survivor? It's way more complex than that sadly.

[CLKD]

Not selfish at all.  Do contact MIND Charity this afternoon, they were really helpful when my friend ended his Life.  I found out when their walk-in clinics were and when, without my asking they kept in touch by e-mail. 

Do ask for a referral to a gynaecologist for advice.  Even if surgery is suggested you can say 'no', very often simply knowing the state of the situation can ease worries.  Don't opt for mesh intervention though.

Contact a womans' physio, who should have expertise in how to exercise 'down there' to improve symptoms.   There is light at the end of the tunnel, if necessary ask your DH to make those calls. 

[Deeble]

Dear Iris67
I just wanted to give you a virtual hug. If you can talk to someone about how you feel please do. Perhaps starting with your gp and also ask for an assessment of prolapse/referral to a womens health physio.
Many of us get to the end of our tether and lose hope and I recognise that feeling of not really wanting to be in your life. But, one step towards getting support can lead to another and hopefully you will be supported so you can begin to come back from the edge as you call it and begin to feel more hopeful.
Sending you all good wishes. D x

[CLKD]

I never wanted to die, simply to sleep until the pain went away.   

[Taz2]

Hi Iris. Sorry to hear that you are feeling so despondent and desperate. Have you had your prolapses identified by a specialist? I can see you don't want further surgeries and quite understand that but an alternative may be the vaginal ring pessary. This is excellent at keeping everything "up" and you may well find this makes thing much more comfortable for you without the need for surgery. At 53 you are young to have to forego a sex life - although prolapses don't usually interfere with sex to be honest especially in the more usual positions.

Taz x

[Iris67]

Thanks everyone - this place is an absolute blessing.

Taz2 - The sex problem is another part of the menopause in addition to the prolapse - I have been told by a gynae I have 'paper-thin' skin on the perineum and I have a great deal of pain inside. He stopped the examination due to the bleeding. Just started Vagifem. GP said that won't help the prolapse symptoms though.

[CherrySG]

The GP told me I had a prolapse a few years ago when I went to her as I could see something, and feel it. She gave me a tube of Ovestin. No other advice whatsoever 

So I bought a Kegel 8 machine, you just insert a probe, switch it on, and it exercises the muscles whilst you watch tv, read a  book or any other sitting down activity. If you don't want to insert the probe, as too uncomfortable, then there are programs you can do with electrode pads on your back. It takes about 12 weeks to improve, they have a program for prolapses (they have 14 programs). Once all the muscles are stronger, they can support everything.

It sort of moved mine upwards enough (an inch or so) so that it doesn't bother me anymore, although recently when I tried cutting my oestrogen, it all dropped a bit, and I've had to start using it again.

Maybe that and the Vagifem could help? And definitely a good quality moisturiser.

Another, er, weapon in my armory is a thing called an Aquaflex. (I gave birth to a 10lb baby 25 years ago! If I'd known then what I know know, I'd have had a caesarean. )Anyway, the Aquaflex is a little bullet-shaped object that you fill with weights, you can start as low as you need and work up. Keep it in for a few minutes in the morning, e.g. whilst brushing teeth or in the shower. It's another thing that strengthens the muscles and pulls everything back a bit.

Good luck, it's enough to upset anyone. There are solutions to this besides surgery. 

[CLKD]

Crikey CherrySG - you are a Mine of info ...... 

How do U feel Iris?

[Iris67]

Thanks Cherry SG (and thanks all!) that's really useful. Sounds like the oestrogen is the thing - Vagifem started.

It makes such a difference to get support on here.  CLKD: I'm still feeling despondent really, but that's been a gradual wearing down over years and years. I tend to keep it all in but posting on here is the only time I've been in tears and it has been a good thing.

I've taken some action - spoken to my GP (little practice here where you can get a same-day appt - lucky) and a referral for diagnostics (who knows when) I need to find some reserves and do some hard work I think.

[CLKD]

Knowledge is power ;-) and you have made steps to regaining control. 

What on Earth might diagnositics B when they R up and dressed ?  .  Also get in touch with a womens' health physio for a chat.

Let us know how you get on.

[CherrySG]

Hey Iris!

Yes, definitely oestrogen helps the tissues. It may take a bit of time also...

I think I've developed another one on the back wall of my V. Really hoping the Kegel 8 sorts it. It was fine for years so I sort of forgot about it and stopped with the exercises. Biiiiiiggg mistake.  If that doesn't work will have to see the GP, but I think it's helping already somewhat. Might look into a ring pessary too, thanks Taz 

Iris, do you mind if I ask if you're on depression meds? I am, although every time I feel better I stupidly go off them. If you feel that bad it may help, although they do tend to drag you to hell for the first month or so?

[Winterose]

And get a pessary - will make you feel 10 years younger and back in control .  The Estrogen should thicken up the vaginal walls . I wonder why at 50 thinning vaginal walls are not on our radar .

[CLKD]

CherrySG - if ADs help, why stop?  I did, several times, once I got a regime that worked, I have stuck with it.