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Author Topic: Depression due to loveless marriage  (Read 1599 times)

Padine

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Re: Depression due to loveless marriage
« Reply #15 on: January 19, 2021, 07:36:54 PM »

Ah.....but what size of wooden spoon do you suggest  ??? :: 
We tried to sort out one issue this morning  before it got out of hand, and it’s how I react to the way he says things and what he says. I apologised.
            We do try to have busy mornings and relaxing afternoons but he does everything quicker than anyone I know, I’m the opposite (dead slow but not stop!)
I’ve my Zoom exercise class tomorrow so an hour to myself with a group of lovely lady friends ((who know nothing of all this), we are even going to build a snowman on Thursday if there’s as much snow as is forecast.

Nicola has us locked down for the next 5 weeks, I could weep :'(      x

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Some people feel the rain, others just get wet

CLKD

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Re: Depression due to loveless marriage
« Reply #16 on: January 20, 2021, 09:49:12 AM »

The other method is to write a letter to each other.  Not rambling.  But bullet points.  Keep for 24 hours then hand over to each other.

After reading it, jot down notes beside each comment.  Hand back.

Apparently I am 'negative'  ::)
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Changes can be scarey, even when we want them!

loveydovey

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Re: Depression due to loveless marriage
« Reply #17 on: February 16, 2021, 07:51:14 AM »

Sadly, I’ve finally realized why I’m unhappy within myself. Nobody would know as I put on a very brave face but I can’t try any longer. Does anyone else feel this way?

Yes i do.
I am in a loveless marriage, i dont know what it is like to have a cuddle.
I have now decided enough is enough, plus there has been alot of arguments, he keeps throwing abuse at me, blaming me for everything, complaining, saying its weird how i dont get undressed in front of him, its ridiculous , how we only have sex on holiday, its all shouting and in a rage. He is a very weak man, he cannot and has never defended me.There is nothing between us.
. i have now separated from him
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CLKD

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Re: Depression due to loveless marriage
« Reply #18 on: February 16, 2021, 05:30:42 PM »

Did U move out loveydovey .........

It's hard to raise the issues even if a person has made up their mind.
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Changes can be scarey, even when we want them!

Lindyh

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Re: Depression due to loveless marriage
« Reply #19 on: March 11, 2021, 10:51:11 AM »

Sorry you feel this way, but I understand: My Hubby suffers with depression, quite severe at times, this sometimes gets me down too, as he was always such a happy, full of life type of person. Also our Daughter (who we adopted aged 7) has met a partner,& had a little girl , but as he doesn't like us, has stopped all contact. This has left us both,( but me more) devastated. We last saw them nearly 4 years ago now. We've tried to make contact, sent birthday/ Christmas cards & letters, but to no avail. Its hers & her daughters Birthdays coming up, & I'm in a dilemma whether or not to still send cards ?? My Hubby thinks we should just let things go & let her get on with her life, but I don't know what to do .I just feel so sad all the time.
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CLKD

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Re: Depression due to loveless marriage
« Reply #20 on: March 11, 2021, 10:59:30 AM »

Lindyh - this may be coircion [sp] on the man's part, which is illegal in the UK.  I would keep in contact.  It is important although the mail mayB stopped by him at the front door .......... however, if she does receive your mail, it will mean that she doesn't feel quite so alone. 

If you know the details of the GP Surgery that your daughter is registered with, go along and make the point that you think she may be in an abusive situation.  This can be done in confidence.  Or contact a womans' refuge for advice.

Has your husband's depression worsened since your daughter moved out?  He needs support, as do relatives.  Your local hospital may have a relatives group that you could contact.  One has to be healthy in order to care for someone.
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Changes can be scarey, even when we want them!

Deeble

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Re: Depression due to loveless marriage
« Reply #21 on: March 11, 2021, 11:53:45 AM »

Lindyh - I agree with CLKD and would definitely keep in touch and still send cards. If there is some coersion/control issue going on then getting cards from you will remind her you're still there for her.
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Lindyh

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Re: Depression due to loveless marriage
« Reply #22 on: March 11, 2021, 12:44:33 PM »

Thanks for the advice  :thankyou:
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sheila99

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Re: Depression due to loveless marriage
« Reply #23 on: March 11, 2021, 01:47:05 PM »

I agree. She's no less your daughter because you didn't give birth to her. It's important she knows you still care her and she can turn to you if she needs to. I would be very careful getting anyone else involved if either of them may think you're behind it, it might make matters worse. Unless you genuinely think she's in an abusive relationship in which case absolutely do so. It's so sad when people behave this way, why can't they realise children gain so much from a relationship with their grandparents?
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Avalon

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Re: Depression due to loveless marriage
« Reply #24 on: March 11, 2021, 02:05:10 PM »

Thanks Padine. Sorry i get embarassed after i have blurted > trauma triggers my angst.
My 3 youngest-all boys at home are supportive and understanding.
My eldest 2 who witnessed a lot of abuse seemed to have turned their cold shoulders towards me.
Somehow I get the blame and they make excuses for him.
Just read an amazing article on porn addiction tonight.
 If anyone thinks my postsare weird sometimes it's just that all those years i was silenced and when I feel deeply I have trouble expressing clearly. Not a nutter?  :D

So very glad you are out now loveydovey!! I hope you are faring well xx

« Last Edit: March 11, 2021, 10:37:12 PM by Avalon »
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Always question the narrative. It may save your life.

CLKD

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Re: Depression due to loveless marriage
« Reply #25 on: March 11, 2021, 04:09:23 PM »

Often parents and children see situations differently.  Children may not want to take sides so are avoid the remaining parent, whereas I took sides, always with my Dad.  We never know what happened between our parents prior to arriving, because they rarely think to tell the children, but the habits remain.  Children will see good parts in their parents which the partner may not realise.

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Avalon

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Re: Depression due to loveless marriage
« Reply #26 on: March 12, 2021, 06:26:59 AM »

No, I just think societal programming is geared towards misogyny.
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Always question the narrative. It may save your life.

CherrySG

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Re: Depression due to loveless marriage
« Reply #27 on: March 12, 2021, 07:53:36 AM »

No, I just think societal programming is geared towards misogyny.

Pretty sure you're right, there. People (men and women) seem to be far more forgiving of men, generally.
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Perinowpost

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Re: Depression due to loveless marriage
« Reply #28 on: March 12, 2021, 08:49:37 AM »

You’re right ladies, even today in these enlightened times most societies are patriarchies x
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CLKD

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Re: Depression due to loveless marriage
« Reply #29 on: March 12, 2021, 09:27:02 AM »

Interesting Perinowpost - as a complete meander, I am reading 'biracial' - interesting take on patriarchal society !
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Changes can be scarey, even when we want them!
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