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[Starshell]

 Hi All, I joined here a few years back when considering HRT, this forum has been a great help so wanted to ask for help and advice again please
I’ve been on Novofem for about 18m now and my menopausal symptoms have greatly reduced and I was feeling a lot better generally, less anxious, more optimistic etc
Had some weight gain but I feel this is due to me eating more during the pandemic!
I’ve had no reviews at all and a fortnight ago had another 6 months tablets sent through post. Last few weeks have had some slight bleeding and wondering if I need to change to a different HRT? I’m feeling worse mentally too, but not sure if this is menopause or having to work from home with a very moody teenager, who has Aspergers here doing A levels too! I feel I am walking on eggshells all the time, I do my very best to understand things are very difficult at the moment especially for our younger people but he is quite hard to live with and having melt downs most days, as I am here I am bearing the brunt of this. He often verbally abuses me and I am feeling really low, I have sometimes felt I don’t want to wake up when I go to bed as can’t keep living like this. I am wondering if I increase my HRT if it will help with my moods or if I maybe need antidepressants?
Will probably speak with my GP in the week to see what they suggest but everyone on here has been very helpful so would see if there were any suggestions from this community that may help
Thanks in advance for any replies

[Tinkerbell]

Can you not request a review? I am able to book telephone appointments with GP and they call you in if needed.

I have a 17 and 19 year old in the house and lockdown is difficult  but i wouldn't tolerate abuse from them. Two of my four children are ASD as is their father, so i do understand how life can be more difficult for those with ASD. Do you think school routine helps  and obviously at home it is different.

I feel your low mood is more to do with a difficult teen teen

[Postmeno3]

People on the autism spectrum are finding lockdown, the changes/lack of routine and absence of predictability forced upon them excruciatingly difficult. I wonder if there's some value in trying to see his "verbal abuse" as coming from the sheer terror he will be experiencing? He hasn't the emotional repertoire of neurotypicals to appropriate his language or behaviour. You might want to read some of the Tony Atwood material on AS and there are forums for parents and sufferers alike to feel supported by folk experiencing the same fears. Have a Google. Everyone is fearful in your situation, it seems? So, how to kind of recognise that and respond to it appropriately? Change is just so destructive in AS and you are where he feels he can invest what little understanding and rationality he has, far less coping capability. This is how he demonstrates trust from his limited toolbox. However, there are boundaries required. Rules. This is important because consequences are generally not understood in ASDs. Try not to match his anger and frustration with yours. Instead, diffuse and divert the challenging situations with, "This is not okay. I'll talk to you when you can be calm." Walk away. Keep doing it. Gradually, he will start to see the consequences. Above all, show minimal emotion yourself. If you don't, you are feeding his fears and he will try harder and harder to feel less afraid by continuing to look for reactions as some kind of feedback he understands? Meanwhile, LOOK AFTER YOU!!!!! Do whatever it takes to indulge yourself. Lock yourself in the bathroom and have a long bath, saying you will be available again in e.g. 30 minutes. Be very specific about how long things are going to last in this never-ending void we're all in just now. Anti-depressants might be your first port of call, though bear in mind they take a while to work, so act quickly if you feel this is the short-term solution you need. They will give you a less reactive space to be in, perhaps? I hope at least some of the above is helpful and do-able. Baby steps! Good luck!
💚

[Starshell]

Thank you postmeno and Tinkerbell 😊
You are both right I think
postmeno really good advice, I do find it hard not to react, I do leave the house to get fresh air but he can tell I am frustrated and getting annoyed, I will put what you have said into practice
I really do try to understand how he must be feeling with the rapid changes of routine, especially when we went into lockdown so quickly when he had just got used to a new college, new friends etc and he was doing really well, he’s actually in a  good routine again now but I am sure he’s thinking about the fact that it will all have to change again when the college re opens
Thanks again both of you xx

[Postmeno3]

So he's done great and will do great again. Meanwhile, the rug has been pulled out from under him and he can't find the solid ground he needs. You're right, he will be fearful about the future and whether he has to endure these times of uncertainty and not understanding again and again. Sounds like you are a really good Mum, with all the best of intentions. You're just weary and fearful and can seek whatever is going to support you through this time with absolute justification. I salute you!
💚

[Dierdre]

Starshell, have you been offered a place for your son to continue at college during lockdown, im sure your son would be eligible if he has an EHC plan or child in need.  We haven't closed my school for our children with these needs as well as critical workers children. Also my granddaughter has autism and she still attends secondary school 3 times a week.