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Author Topic: Dear Kotex [other brands are available]  (Read 229 times)

CLKD

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Dear Kotex [other brands are available]
« on: September 29, 2020, 11:45:18 AM »

DEAR KOTEX:*

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch of
"Kotex Tips for Life" on it.

Annoying advice such as:

Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh. Try
Kotex blah blah blah other products...

Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed a
functioning set of ovaries.

Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water
will help keep her feeling fresh.
Like we need more fluid inside our bloated bodies from hell... but go
ahead...I trriple-dog- friggen-dare-ya... See what happens and report
back.

I'll wait.

While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate
from the vending machine. I garan-damn-tee you that the first responders
will be females who just ovulated.

Staying active will relieve headaches & cramps...well guess what, the only activities that interest me is
eating...sleeping... bitching or crying for no apparent reason...and oh... does
ripping someone's head off count as a friggen' activity?????

Look, females don't need or want tips for living on their feminine hygiene
products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that
from elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes for
survival, many containing alcohol & barbituates.

Printing out crap advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that was
already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and is enough
to send a girl running to the Always brand.

It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or
bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the
crap in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and
have it blend in among the wine and beer.

There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing
your uterine state to everyone in the store.

Why don't ya just add an in-store microphone to the damn package & announce
that...helloooo, another female in the store is on the rag!!!!!

So take your tips for living and your cute bunnies & the smiley faces and
shove them right up your a**!

P.S. How about adding a free sample of Pamprin and maybe a shot of Bourbon
to your packages instead?
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