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[KaraShannon]

Just having a crap day.

I live in a town centre and I feel like I can't go out without being properly smart, etc.  The minute you go out people are looking you up and down.  Does anyone else feel that these days?  I don't mean people are doing it in a nasty way, but sometimes I just want total privacy, and I don't have it at all, not even in my home because the walls are so thin.

Does anyone else think aloneness and privacy are very hard to come by these days or is it just me? 

[KaraShannon]

I think the lockdown must have finally gotten to me    My neighbour has been going stir crazy because she's an extrovert and wants to be talking to someone all the time (and I mean all the time, she's got a huge phone bill from talking on it ALL DAY literally, nightmare for me trying to work from home above her, but that's another story).  I've been fine, because I actually lost some of my caring roles during this and actually got a break.  Well, would have been a break if I could transport my flat to a secluded wood or somewhere.

[KaraShannon]

Really weird, I just googled the word privacy to see if anyone had written about it, and it's all about online privacy and nothing else. 

[Salad]

I’m at an age where I’m not really bothered what people see me wearing 
That said I guess I do dress according to the location I’m going to.
 I loved my walks over lockdown when I wore really dodgy tracksuit bottoms, which I guess I wouldn’t normally have worn outside the house.

[KaraShannon]

Salad, I do understand because I've been like that for a couple of decades, I'm not bothered what people think, but I think it's just lately.  I've put on weight (not that it's that on it's own, but I need to buy new clothes really, I'm in a lot of scruffy, baggy stuff and in this heat it doesn't work).  I think I just need to make an effort, but I'd rather just hide out in a wood for a while and nurture myself.  Love walking, been doing a lot of it, just having one of those days I suppose.

[CLKD]

I haven't worried about what people think about what I wear  until DH gives me "the look" 

Take time to sniff the roses etc..  Find a quiet place.  Breath. 

[KaraShannon]

CLKD, I've just had a thought, part of the issue is that because I'm in a town centre flat, there isn't a garden.  So it's an effort to go anywhere to just sit and be outside.  I suppose I was thinking about it more today because it's so hot, on cooler days I just throw on a baggy jacket and it covers all of me up 

[KaraShannon]

I don't have trouble with aloneness as I live alone and with not being back to work yet could probably do with less of it! I'm an open book anyway and probably overshare, I'm not exactly a private person.

Yeah, I'm not private with friends, but they are all out of town.  Its not something that bothers me all the time, but I have been increasingly aware that there are precious few places to be alone anymore.

Yesterday I went into Boots (ok I know I won't be alone in there but just giving an example of how people are).  I walked in and I had 2 things in my hand from superdrug.  I caught the lady's eye in Boots and said 'I just got these from superdrug, just so you know.'  I was friendly, had a smile.  She gave me such a filthy look.  I followed it up with 'well don't ask me about them later then, I have no receipt.'  (still friendly).  Then she changed her tune and joked, 'well if you want to shop with them.'  We all laughed, me, her, the queue.  It was ok, I know people will be tetchy, especially working in a shop at a time like this.  But one woman at the back of the queue took it upon herself to stare at me like I'd committed a crime and also like why wouldn't I move on (I wouldn't because I was looking for something on a shelf, but I was 2 metres away from her and I know what 2 metres is).

I think a lot of people are feeling weird, my neighbour who needs people constantly said that people look at her like she's got the plague (she's a very well dressed, smart, clean person).  It's just what it is at the moment.  But the lack of privacy in general is very salient to me right now.  To get to my car I have to walk past 2 pubs and invariably there are blokes sitting there like lions surveying the savannah, then walk past a cafe with everyone smartly dressed sat outside.  And sometimes I just want to walk about in scruffy gear    I think it's my fault for moving to a town centre flat, lol

[getting_old]

If you're talking about people judging how you look, most people are too busy with their own lives to actually care, and if people do judge you by what you're wearing then does their opinion really matter? Wear what you're comfortable in and be happy.

[KaraShannon]

If you're talking about people judging how you look, most people are too busy with their own lives to actually care, and if people do judge you by what you're wearing then does their opinion really matter? Wear what you're comfortable in and be happy.

Thanks getting_old.  You are right and mostly I know that.  However I wish people would be more busy with their own lives.  There are a lot that are very interested in staring at others and now especially, the more crowded our towns are getting the worse it's becoming.  I live in a 'small' town, it was very different living in london, no one cares there.  But you are right, I shouldn't care.  I don't really care re how I look, not usually, I was just having a bad day.  But I am always aware of people staring.  Mainly because it annoys me, it's rude.  And as a woman, even parking my car gets me attention from men walking by.  Oh look there's a woman parking her car, let's stand still in the street and make sure she does it properly.  Sometimes I just wish people would go away.  Don't get me wrong if I was having trouble parking I'd be grateful for help, but I don't have trouble parking, and I wish they would mind their own business.   

[KaraShannon]

I'm sounding anti social, I promise I am actually friendly.  It's more a general commentary about privacy these days.

[KaraShannon]

I'm in a town centre flat too so yes I know what you mean about having to make an effort to go out. ::)Especially with covid about, it seems such a palaver. I dont have a garden either. I think everyones eyeing people a bit more suspiciously at the minute.

Ah, you get me    The thing is I feel extra scruffy too as I haven't had a hair cut over the lockdown.  I've got long hair so I can get away with it up to a point, but I've no energy either (thyroid and peri combined), and especially with the heat.  The thought of sitting in a hairdressers right now, with them with visors on and me in a mask......all seems a faff.  I'm sure I'll get over all this    The good news is I've lost 4 inches off my waist over lockdown.  I walked a lot more but also I think the HRT is really helping.

[CLKD]

I stare when standing in a queue.  Very often when talking to people I don't smile.  Apparently 

Often I stare due to being deep in thought which means I frown.  I rarely look at others these days, too wrapped up in keeping my 2mtr distance !  If I wears scruffy clothes, it is my choice.  I don't know many people over all so what they think - I they are thinking about me they aren't nagging anyone else.  I'm late 60s and can't be bothered worrying .............

[KaraShannon]

I've put it on, not lost it. Went to the hairdressers on Tuesday, I'd got used to my grey longer hair but feel more like me now.I didnt think about it till I started having to go out more! In lockdown I was just in any old comfy stuff indoors..it is hard to put on real clothes again.

I need to arrange the hairdressers, lol.

I need to lose weight still

I think my caring roles last year got on top of me and I just feel there's a lot to do to put me right again and lockdown hasn't helped.  Ah well, breathe and one step at a time.  I'm less bothered about it today, probably because you all helped with the perspective yesterday.