"Seeking Protection"
You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret
base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very
surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They
immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an
interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and
spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air
Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him
overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was
lost and wasn't a spy.
They gassed up his aeroplane, gave him a
terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of
spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way
on such and such a heading, and sent him on his way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna
showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane... only
this time there were two people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but
my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last
night!"
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Renting A Video
Sally decides to do something wild that she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video.
She goes to the video store, quickly selects an erotically titled video from the shelf, and then proceeds to pay the cashier.
She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR.
To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen. So she calls the video store to complain.
Sally said, "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static."
The store clerk replied, "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"
Sally replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner'."
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An American is having his (coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam) when
a Canadian man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores
the Canadian who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
Canadian: "You American folk eat the whole bread?"
American (in a bad mood): "Of course."
Canadian: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Canada, we only
eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it,
transform them into croissants and sell them to America."
The Canadian has a smirk on his face. The American listens in silence.
The Canadian persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"
American: "Of Course."
Canadian: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't.
In Canada we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels,
seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into
jam and sell the jam to America."
The American then asks: "Do you have sex in Canada?"
Canadian: "Why of course we do", the Canadian says with a big smirk.
American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Canadian: "We throw them away, of course."
American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, recycle
them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Canada."
