After a recent, post Christmas, survey, it has been found only one in seven dwarfs was happy !!!
I am having a Brexit Christmas meal this year.
It is the same as an ordinary Christmas meal, but without the Brussels.
Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him “Did you find the shampoo?â€
Paddy says, “yes but it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine.â€
A man had two of the best tickets for Scotland v England. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
"No", he says, "the seat is empty."
"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat like this for Scotland v England, one of the biggest sporting events of the year, and not use it?"
He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me but she passed away. This is the first International we haven't been to together since we got married."
"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbour to take the
seat?"
The man shakes his head... "No. They're all at the funeral.
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
"My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
I'm putting all my money on a horse called Dirty Carpet...... It's never been beaten.
This guy sat next to me on the train, pulled out a photo of his wife and said “She's beautiful, isn't she?â€
I said “If you think she's beautiful – you should see my wife mateâ€
He said “Why? Is she a stunnerâ€
I said “No – she's an opticianâ€
At 12pm yesterday I finally plucked up the courage to call gamblers anonymous.. The told me to phone back at 20/1.
Just got home to find all the doors and windows wide open
Everything's gone!!
What kind of lowlife does that to someone else's advent calendar?
Our local amateur dramatics group will be performing ‘The History of Hovis'
I've been invited to play a roll.
Which word in the dictionary is spelt incorrectly? - Incorrectly.
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
They both have the same middle name.
A healthy, happy and prosperous 2020 to all
Author
Topic: A giggle for the end of 2019 (Read 4433 times)